Highway 23 winds through some of the most impressive scenery in Central Alberta. Part of the trip is alongside Horseguard lake, and today I witnessed the sun sparkling on the blue waters as boats towing skiers passed by me. I wasn’t in a rush to get to the campground today, so I took my time to enjoy the drive.
Wayne Anhail was asking anyone interested in saving the wildlife of the beautiful horseguard valley to meet with him. I didn’t know if anyone else was going to show, but I figured I had better go and get some of the historic first meeting on paper. It would be the least I could do to try to make everyone aware of problems caused by tourism and industry. This place was one of the few areas where one could still see wild horses on the loose, or collect your own vanilla ice, or dip into a pen and ink pot.
But every year, more people came to see the beauty and experience some time in the great outdoors. More campers, more garbage, more traffic on the roads. There was talk of making Highway 11into a fourlane. Plans were in the works for a huge new resort on the lake. Tankers were busy hauling ink out of the pots as fast as they could make ballpoint pens at the Rocky Pen Inc. And in the winter, work crews came in to take the ice from around the bases of the vanilla pine. The ice is loaded into dump trucks and hauled in to the vanilla extraction plant for processing. It was easy to see how all of this activity could threaten the delicate balance of the ecosystem.
My musings ended as I turned into the campground. The place was packed, and every other sight had a boat trailer as well as an RV. There it was, site 22. Wayne was sitting on his picnic bench, his tent set up beside his old Honda Civic. Except for the beer in his hand, Wayne was alone. Grimacing slightly, I hoped I wasn’t the only one coming. Jumping out of my truck, I grabbed my notebook and went over to see what Wayne had to say.
Wayne Anhail was infamous throughout activist circles for attempting to save the Saskatchewan Seal and the Tiger Striped Hare of Southern Alberta. Both species are now extinct and can only be seen in the form of coats, slippers or bindings. His lack of success never detered him from continuing on to help in the doomed attempt to save the Great Hairy Whale from being hunted for its fur. No longer would car seat covers be warm and furry, as the largest furbearing creature of the oceans had been used up. Leaving Greenpeace for good, Wayne decided not to campain for the freedom of the domesticated Naugha. Their skins can be found in many products in Canada and the U.S., and Naugha hide is a valuable commodity on the stock exchanges.
“Wayne, how’s it going,” I asked as he offered me a Blue Beaver Beer. “seen anyone else yet?”
“Nope, you’re the first. Listen, I don’t know if anyone else is going to show up. You know what I think is going on, don’t you?”
“Well, I’m not really sure. Run it past me.”
“The horse populations are down, and I think it’s because there are too many spectators around. Have you ever tried getting it on with a few hundred tourists watching you? And these pine trees are suffering from compressed roots due to too much foot traffic. Basically, the roots of these trees are depressed. We have to get on these problems before it’s too late. so what do you think?”
I took another swig of beer while I thought about it. Yep, Wayne’s definitely lost it. These ideas were too far fetched, even for me. “I don’t know. I’ll have to get back to you on that. Thanks for the Beaver, Wayne. I’m going to go for a walk. Maybe some of the others will arrive before I get back.” I headed for the beach to check things out. The trees on either side of the trail didn’t seem depressed at all, but how would you know if they were pining away? Only time would tell.
Okay, so I realize I’m a couple days early on that one and some of you Halloween purists out there might believe that we shouldn’t say happy Halloween until the 31st. But, I think we can get away with it, after all as of Nov. 1st it will suddenly become allowable to say, “Merry Christmas” every five minutes. But that’s another topic for three days from now.
It’s the Halloween season and last night we went to a Halloween party. Of course we got into the season by dressing up. On Friday night we stayed up late drinking Blue Beaver and planning out our brilliant Halloween costumes. Tim decided to go as the Blue Beaver mascot and I decided to make a giant can of the beer that I could wear. These costumes would absolutely assure us a 1st place prize. However, after we got up at 4 p.m. on Saturday, we had another brainstorming session and decided that simpler was better, less was more, easier was easier; so we dressed up as two fans of Blue Beaver Beer. The best part about this decision was, we already had our costumes ready.
We didn’t win the costume contest but we did get two free bottles of Blue beaver after we slipped the bartender a ten-spot. That was pretty sweet. So just remember: if you’re feeling like a hallow-weenie, grab a beaver.
How’s it goin’ eh? As promised I have for you the interview that will give all your lives meaning. I’ll post it here word for word, exactly as it happened.
Ernie: I’m sitting here drinking a cold Blue Beaver Beer and joining me is one of the Blue Beaver girls. Jasmine, why don’t you say hello to everyone out there in cyberspace-land.
Jasmine: Hello, everybody.
E: Thank-you for agreeing to this interview Jasmine. Say, I couldn’t help but notice your jugs.
J: Yes; as you requested when you paid me, I’m showing off my jugs of the original Blue Beaver beer as well as the new Honey Brown Beaver variety.
E: How does Honey Brown Beaver taste, Jasmine?
J: Pretty much like you would expect, dark and rich with just a slight hint of sweetness. Would you like some?
E: I would very much like to sample your Honey Brown Beaver…beer. ( a pause here for a glass of the lager) Well, that is very tasty. So, Jasmine, tell me how you came to be a Blue Beaver Girl.
J: Well, I was working at a pub when the new Green Beaver variety was first launched. Even though Blue Beaver was easily the most popular brand of beer we carried, the majority of our clientele was very apprehensive about change. Our manager told us all to push the Green Beaver and sell as much as possible; so that’s what i did. Few men can resist my charm when I really turn it on and soon I was selling more of the beer than any of the other servers. Because of our high sales, a rep from the brewery came by to visit. When he mentioned in passing that they were searching for a new Blue Beaver Girl, I realized that was my ticket out of that dive. So I turned on the charm and in no time I was on the road promoting Blue Beaver all over the country. Of course, the drawback is listening to all the innuendo, but I am well paid for that aggravation.
E: Wow, not only have you got great charms and tasty jugs…of beer, you’re very well spoken too. May I say that you’re a babe?
J: Not unless you want to become personally familiar with the ins and outs of a sexual harassment lawsuit.
E: And a law student to boot. Hmm, "ins and outs", that brings something to mind. Oh, yeah I have to go "out" and put this interview "in" my blog. But first, I’ll finish off this Honey Brown Beaver that I have in front of me. Thank-you, Jasmine.
J: Yeah whatever, Eric.
E: That’s actually Ernie. Well, buh-bye then.