Redneck Bar & Grill

Good day, nature lovers! Today on our show we have something very special for you. One of our cameramen managed to sneak into the den of a beer drinking homoslobian and film while the primate and his ‘buds’ go about their weekend routine.
Here we see the filmographer ‘s point of view as he approaches the den. It is a typical two car garage. There are two cars outside, one with no hood or motor, one with no tires, on blocks. A broken lawnmower is in the middle of the partly mowed lawn. Now he is creeping up to the window….
Most of the lair is packed with domestic refuse and old auto parts. There is an old couch and a few camping foldup chairs arranged around a T.V. The alpha male is on the couch with a couple other guys, the rest spaced around. I believe the term for a gathering of this number of men would be a ‘six-pack’. They are all holding a beverage made of grains called ‘beer’.
One of the males sits a little off to one side. He is the ‘black sheep’, the runt of his litter. In every group of males of this species there seems to be one who just didn’t get a full set of cards to play with. His elevator goes all the way to the top but the doors just won’t open.
They all stare with rapt attention at the television, studying it like a hawk watching something that hawks like to watch. There are only two things a homoslobian male will gaze at in this fashion, a female or a ‘sporting event’. Suddenly, they all yell “Yeah! Woooohoo!” This lets us know the six-pack is watching sports.
Sports are, in most cases, gatherings of drug enhanced individuals who would like to maim each other but instead just attempt to humiliate their opponents in public and injure them only a little, so they will eventually recover. Obvious exemptions to the rule are women’s beach volleyball and boxing. Boxing, of course, is designed to both hurt and humiliate your opponent, should you win by knocking him out.
In this den, they are watching ‘football’. Many of the males in this sport will be injured. The males that watch on television have eliminated the need to compete themselves by picking a champion team. They will only compete today in how much beer they can drink.
Suddenly, a female enters the den and heads straight for the alpha male. She starts berating him in a shrill tone, one reminiscent of the female grouse right after hatching season. He hangs his head in submission. At this signal the other males scatter. They know when the getting’s good. Like a flock of some sort of overfed, out of shape, silly beasts, they wander off to a safer location. They can tell immediately when the true pack leader is in the den.

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