And speaking of charitable organizations; I recently received a letter from an animal rights group. Normally the only animals I care about are Blue Beavers; but this group presents a rather compelling case for others. So I agreed to reprint their letter on this blog to help spread word about the plight of some other noble beasts. In an interesting coincidence (if you believe in such things) the spokesman for this group shares the same name as I do.
Good Evening Sir/Madam,
My name is Ernie and I represent a very special political lobby group. I am e-mailing a cross section of people whom our research has indicated might be supportive of our unique proposition. Our goal is to collect a sufficient number of signatures, via e-mail, to convince our local M.L.A. to propose our bill before the legislature.
Before I discuss with you exactly what we are currently proposing, I would like to share some background information regarding our group. We are called The Association For The Fair And Equitable Assigning Of Inalienable Rights To All Native Canadian Residents Except For Those On Baffin Island or A.F.F.E.A.I.R.A.N.C.R.E.F.T.O.B.I. for short. Thus far we have successfully lobbied to have all the Arctic Marmots be given the right to vote in all Municipal elections in Nunavut; and we are responsible for The Brown Lemming Run in Dawson, which is a naturally paved upward sloping run ending in a cliff above a large lake. Before The Brown Lemming Run was created, the Brown Lemmings were forced to run up a rough and rocky cliff and often times they had to stop and rest just metres from the top of the cliff before they could continue on and throw themselves off. This, of course, caused them great duress. With the creation of The Run they can now die stress free.
Our newest goal is something we have actually been working on for some time. We now believe there is adequate support in general society for this new proposition, which is something rather controversial. It came to our attention that Timber Wolves are becoming increasingly endangered by their only known natural predator, the Sasquatch. In order to assist the wolves we believe it is essential to their survival that they be given the right to defend themselves using the lethal force of firearms.
This in a nutshell is our proposal; that Timber Wolves be given the right to bear arms. If we can get enough support we can get our M.LA. to propose this bill, and we are certain it will have no problem being passed in parliament. So if you support our position, please respond to this e-mail as well as passing it along to all of your friends and ask them to respond as well. We will tally the results and present them to the appropriate politicians. Together we can make a difference. Thank-you from A.F.F.E.A.I.R.A.N.C.R.E.F.T.O.B.I.