After nearly ten years of study and numerous test subjects,Dirk Jankay has finally released his new instruction manual, “How to Kick a Cat”. He guides you through all the steps, from setup to hiding it from your girlfriend. All levels of kicks are covered, starting at ‘tap’ and working up to ‘top of flight of stairs’ to ‘ go for the goal posts!’
“I got caught by my girlfriend every time I kicked her cat,” Dirk told an interviewer. ” I became obsessed with getting away with it, and she dumped me. That’s when I found out that there were a lot of other guys who also hated cats but were afraid to do anything about it. This book is dedicated to those guys. If you want to find out all my secret cat kicking techniques, you’ll have to get my book.”
Unfortunately, the book never even made it to the shelves. The SPCA has spearheaded a national outcry and an investigation is underway by the authorities. ” I don’t understand. It’s not like I’m kicking dogs or something,” Dirk stated recently. He is currently working on his new idea for a cat-t-pult.
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