Redneck Bar & Grill

That is certainly something to ponder.  I believe I would like my funeral to go something like this:

First of all put my body in a glass coffin and fill it up with Blue Beaver Beer.  Allow to marinate at least 48 hours.  This would take the place of embalming.

Next place my body in a large sack made from all natural fibres and put it in a hole in the ground (about three feet down should be adequate for my purposes).

Then transplant a Spiny Poplar Tree (which is indigenous to the forests of Ubangme) over my grave and water the surrounding area with the beer that I was marinating in.  This way as my body decomposes the tree can feed off of the nutrients I create and then all of my surviving loved ones can regularly harvest the fruit and I can live on inside of them.

For the funeral itself, obviously the Blue Beaver Beer will have to flow like water.  H’ors D’oeuvres would be all of my favourite foods (which you can learn more about by watching "The Tim & Ernie Show").  It shall have to be a celebration of my life not a mourning of my death.

Most importantly there must be no markers at the site of my death or my grave (other than the tree).  And my grave should only be visited when someone wants some fruit, because only the remnants of my mortal shell are in the ground.  There is nothing of Me present.

Of course if anyone wishes to say a toast to me whenever they crack a Blue Beaver, I will certainly return the toast from wherever I am.

That is certainly something to ponder.  I believe I would...Read More...>

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