Redneck Bar & Grill

Greetings once again everyone,
     This is Ernie, representing the A.F.F.E.A.I.R.A.N.C.R.E.F.T.O.B.I.  I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone out there who has supported our organization.  We have helped so many animals improve their lives; the Brown Lemmings are dying without stress anymore, the Timber Wolves are no longer threatened by the Sasquatch, the Poplar Tree Gophers are happy again since they are regularly being killed and eaten by Grizzly Bears and of course we all learned an important lesson about Baffin Island.  I would especially like to thank my friends Ernie and Tim for helping to raise awareness of our group by posting my letters on their blog. Now, I have news about another beautiful creature that is being threatened.  There is more than the usual amount of controversy regarding this one however, so I shall proceed with caution.
   

I am speaking of the Blue Beaver.  The Blue Beaver has, in the past, been trapped for it’s fur.  It is not truly blue, it is a deep black which has properties that cause it to glisten thus it appears to have a bluish tint.  The fur was much prized for both it’s waterproof qualities and the warmth it provided.  The Blue Beaver was nearly hunted to extinction, but fortunately a group of beaver enthusiasts were able to rescue a small population.  These were then turned loose in the Horseguard River.  In 1967, the entire Horseguard Valley was designated a wildlife refuge and so the beavers (and all of the other animals) were able to flourish.
   

Over the next forty years, however, a new problem has been slowly emerging.  The Blue Beaver Brewing Company has always drawn water from the runoff of the glacier in the valley in order to make their excellent beer.  In the last few years, glaciologists (those scientists that specifically study glaciersand glaciation) have been noticing that the Horseguard Glacier is starting to show a diminished capacity.  As a result of this, the glaciologists feel that, if the water keeps being drawn at the same rate, within three human lifetimes the river will shrink to the point where it can no longer sustain the entire population of Blue Beavers without forcing them to change their lifestyle.
   

Normally at this time our organization would call for an immediate boycott of anything produced by a company that would cause such grief and stress to an animal within the next three hundred years.  However, The Blue Beaver Brewing Company has been very generous to us.  Not only have they provided financial support, but they have also supplied a lot of beer for our fund raising brunches.  Therefore, we would like to propose an alternative.  We want all of our supporters to e-mail the brewery and politely ask them to look for an alternative water source for their very fine Blue Beaver Beer.  I am confidant that a politically correct e-mail writing campaign can result in positive changes for all of the animals and humans who are affected.
   

Thank you very much from the Association For the Fair and Equitable Assigning of Inalienable Rights to All Native Canadian Residents Except For Those On Baffin Island.
                                                                                                                                  ERNIE

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