Redneck Bar & Grill

General Weekly Overview
As the sun ascends in Gemini, questions need to be asked. What is the meaning of life, and where are we headed as a society? What will happen this week on Lost, and how long before the season ender? What happened to Michael and his son? These are some of the questions inspired by the planetary positions this week.

ARIES (Mar21 to Apr20)
Somehow, you have to change. You have to change the way you relate with others in the household. You have to change your phone plan. But mainly, you have to change that shirt. I know, it’s your favorite.  But frankly, it smells funny and it’s getting kind of ratty.

TAURUS (Apr21 to May21)
Everything is going to take more time and cost a lot more than you first planned. Your budget will be used up before you even get rid of the bodies, let alone clean up all the blood. Next time don’t start such a large project  unless you are sure you can finish!

GEMINI (May22 to June 21)
You will gain respect this week, as you prove that your evil laugh kicks a$$ compared to that of the other CEO’s at the conference. You will make big strides in the "My consumers are more gullible than your consumers" informal competitions, but you will lose out to the tobacco  executives. After all, they still have consumers, so need they say more?

CANCER (June22 to July23)
Instead of attending that seminar on global warming, stay at home this week and do the research on the internet. You will get a lot more done around the house, and you will learn all about solar radiation causing the rings around Uranus to clench much tighter.

LEO (July24 to Aug23
Your investments are finally bringing you the returns you deserve, as that last 1000 bottles of Blue Beaver Beer give you a delightful beer belly. You earned it, so display it proudly.

VIRGO (Aug24 to Sept23)
A serious talk will get you close to a new friend on the street some time this week. He will be tall, aromatic and overly friendly, answer to Dirty Bob, and offer to show you his used gum collection. No matter how tempted you are, don’t sample any of his handmade food items.

LIBRA (Sept24 to Oct23)
Deal with your emotional issues at a different time. Right now you have to figure out how to get the monkey to put the dynamite down.

SCORPIO (Oct24 to Nov22)
Forget about love this week. Unless you shave your back, it’s just not going to happen. And that goes for the men, too.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov23 to Dec21)
Money making opportunities are all around you. All you need is some ammo and the guts to use it. Watch out at the third bank you get to. The blonde lady with the red dress has a gun.

CAPRICORN (Dec22 to Jan20)
Group activities can definitely help out your family. And remember, all of your friends will probably work for Blue Beaver Beer. Combine the two and get that house renovated!

AQUARIUS (Jan21 to Feb19)
You will enjoy eating, sleeping and watching television this week. Anything else going on will prove to be anticlimatic.

PISCES (Feb20 toMar20)
Your sign has a high water quotient and affinity for liquid. Hopefully this will cushion the blow when the water main ruptures near your home and fills your house with high quality H2O.

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