Redneck Bar & Grill

Dear Ernie,
     What’s so great about Blue Beaver Beer anyway?
                                                                                                              Spoors Lite Fan in Bowden

Dear Spoor For Brains,
     Obviously you have never tasted Blue Beaver Beer or else you wouldn’t be asking me that question.  Have you ever had one of those days when everything just seems to be going your way?  You gently wake up one minute before the alarm that usually jars you out of sleep, you feel completely refreshed and somehow more alive.  You crack some eggs for breakfast and find that two of them are double-yolkers, your newspaper is on your front doorstep instead of the lawn.  You go down to pick up your comics and Dave has included a freebie for you, you go for lunch and the server says the cook accidentally put extra cheese on your nachos but there will be no charge for it.  You get a letter in the mail from the Reader’s Digest Sweepstakes saying you may already have the wining numbers for $100 000 and a new car.  When you turn on the t.v. there are brand new episodes of "Top Chef", "Lost" and "Medium" all on the same night.  You log on to your Tagged page and three of your friends have left messages for you and one new person has sent you a friend request.  You go to your blog and three people have left comments on one of your posts.  Then you go to bed and just slip quietly off to sleep without any tossing or turning. 
     If you have ever had a day exactly like that, then you know what it’s like to drink a Blue Beaver Beer.  When it touches your tongue it’s almost like the runoff from the Horseguard Glacier is actually flowing directly into your mouth.  That, my friend, is what is so great about Blue Beaver Beer.  Spoors Lite on the other hand, tastes like a stagnant muskeg that a herd of cattle have been walking around in.

Dear Ernie,
     Why does stuff seem to suck so much?
                                                                                                          Despondent in Calgary

Dear Despot,
     What you have to do is reverse the flow in the vacuum cleaner of your mind.  Just imagine things going from suck to blow; then blow all of the bad stuff out your a ear.

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