Redneck Bar & Grill

    More and more people are turning from smoking to new habits. While this makes the anti smoking groups and petitioners extremely happy, new addictions have risen up that threaten our very way of life in North America.
    Many ex-tobacco-users have turned to gum as a substitute for their problems. Just like alcohol, gum can cause rude, boisterous behavior and also leaves a toxic, gummy residue on countertops, floors, under tables, and in ashtrays. Many people also lose the ability to keep their mouths shut while they chew gum, so that they appear to be chewing their cud like a cow.
    Anne Tartica, a waitress at a Red Deer diner, expressed disgust at gum left on plates and tables and on the carpet. “I don’t understand how come these people are so inconsiderate. The smokers were never this much work. Ciggarette butts don’t stick to everything. And who knows what the effects of touching this gum might be.”
    Scientists working around the clock in the Condor Research Facilities have come up with startling evidence that exposure to secondhand gum can have very bad effects. Apparently, chewing gum that has already been used can lead to  low self esteem. A test subject forced to chew secondhand gum over a period of weeks  develops irritability, sleeplessness, poor hygiene, hostility, and eventually will attempt to commit suicide.
    Gum chewers themselves are at the most risk. Prominent Condor researcher Bill Lowney has discovered that longterm effects of gum chewing could be that your insides will get gummed up. Anyone who has been gummed up knows how bad this can be.
    Based on this new research, restaurants might want to put new non-chewing sections in, where customers can be assured that they won’t find gum on the floor or under the tables.
    New government taxes on gum will soon be in effect and many will feel that their habit is too expensive. When it comes down to feeding the children or blowing bubbles, the children usually come out on top.

Technorati Tags: smoking, addiction, gum, restaurant

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