Fishing Licence

Hey, I just got back from holidays. I’ve been on a houseboat on Shushwap Lake, British Columbia. We drank a lot of beer, played in the water and did a lot of fishing. Here’s a fishing joke I remembered while I was out there.

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  Aron and Cody decided to head down to Horseguard River and do some fishing. They got their rods, tackle and a case of beer and drove on down there. Aron told Cody about a spot a ways up the bank that was pretty good, so they walked in and started fishing.
Aron had just started pulling in a fish while Cody watched with the net, when a Fish and Wildlife officer walked up. Aron threw his rod down and took off running through the bushes with the officer right behind him.
After a half a mile, Aron was out of breath and stopped running, and the officer caught up. "Let’s see your fishing licence," he wheezed, all out of breath. Aron got out his wallet and handed it over.
"This licence is good! why in the hell did you run?" the officer asked.
"Well you see, the other guy didn’t have one," Aron said with a grin.

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June 30, 2007 | | No Comments »

What Do You Think?

Hello everyone.  I am going to alter my regular format this week.  The reason for this is because of an interesting coincidence that occurred to me.  In the past week I was asked exactly the same question by two completely different people in two completely different settings.  Although the actual question was, "What do you think, Ernie?",   For the sake of you my readers, I will explain the circumstances that lead to this question.

In both cases it was two guys discussing a difference of opinions.  Guy A believed that his friend, Guy B should find a "woman of loose morals" and indulge in the "pleasures of the flesh" with her.  Guy A felt that this would be good for Guy B’s psychological well being.  Guy B, on the other hand, felt that there was not currently anything wrong with his psychological well being and that indulging in the "pleasures of the flesh" would only complicate his life and cause him great duress.  In both cases these two guys were very convinced that their respective views were the only correct answer to the problem.  Then in both cases Guy A turned to me, knowing that I am a learned sage, and asked me, "What do you think, Ernie?"

Here is my answer.  On the surface the solution is quite obvious and simple.  Guy B has free will and he should therefore pursue the course of action that would make him happy; if that means abstinence, then so be it.  However, if one delves a little deeper into the problem one might find a different answer.  It was apparent to me that in both cases Guy A truly believed that his solution would hold great benefits for his friend, whereas Guy B felt his solution was the best course of action (or rather inaction) for his own life.  This put me in mind of an episode of "Seinfeld" where George was abstinent for a couple of weeks and as a direct result his mental acuity increased greatly. Whereas, on the other hand, Elaine became a moron after doing the same.  In my research I have found that sometimes this is an accurate scenario.  However, there are some people who are affected in the opposite way.  I  know young ladies who regularly indulge in the "pleasures of the flesh" and yet they are vacuous bimbos.  And a (very) few men that I know who also frequently "sowed their wild oats" are highly intelligent.

What I am trying to say here, in my own unique, round-about, way; is that everyone who finds themselves in a situation like the one I have described, must take some time to really look deep within themselves.  You have to know exactly how physical pleasure affects you personally, then you have to ignore peer pressure and make the decision that you know will provide you with the greatest benefit.

June 29, 2007 | | No Comments »

Could You Inspect My Bikini?

We’ve all seen t-shirts like this one.  Bi

We’ve all dreamed about having that job.  I used to think no ordinary guy could be lucky enough to get a job inspecting bikinis at the factory as they come off the production line.  An important job like ensuring bikinis are fit to be worn even before they ever ship out to the stores would be the kind of job that only well connected guys could get.  You’d probably have to be the nephew of the wife of the CEO of the factory.  However, I did a little research and I found out that maybe an ordinary guy could get a job doing the next best thing.

 
In Rochester, Michigan, the law is that anyone bathing in public must have the bathing suit inspected by a police officer.  Now this wouldn’t be quite as important a job; but even so it’s a necesary one.  There might be women out there on the beach whose bikinis have become worn out or maybe they aren’t tied up properly.  The last last thing I would want to see on the beach is a young lady accidentally "slipping out" of her bikini top.  Such an event would cause all sorts of chaos and panic and with people running around scared  someone’s Blue Beaver Beer might get spilled.  So to all the bikini inspectors out there, in the factories and on the beaches, I salute you.  Keep up the good, vital work.

June 28, 2007 | | 7 Comments »

Climate Change Up – Crime Down

I have recently uncovered startling new evidence linking crime rates to global warming.  The local newspaper where I live (Red Deer) has an article saying that crime is down over the past week.  The police believe that this decrease is due to the excessive rain that we have had.  From this report I can infer that the criminals in this city don’t own rain coats.  Furthermore, they must be scared of a little water; because, if you think about it, why should rain stop you from something like picking up a prostitute?  She’s the one who has to stand out in the rain, not you.  But I suppose maybe the prostitutes decided to call in "sick" instead of work in the rain.  As well, I imagine that I probably wouldn’t want to be stealing cars in a heavy downpour.  I’d get completely soaked, then I’d get the inside of the car all wet and that would drive down the price that a chop-shop would be willing to pay.

History shows that there have been times in the past when heavy rains were effective in stopping crime.  If I recall correctly, during Noah’s time the entire population of the Earth (something like 2000 people) were becoming increasingly lawless and just doing whatever they felt like.  Then, after forty days and forty nights of rain, there was no more crime.  Of course they world’s population was down to something like 10; but they were 10 law abiding citizens.

Therefore, if our climate continues to change, and we continue to have heavy rainfall, crime rates will continue to decrease.  This is more evidence to prove my theory that global warming is good and together we can make a difference.

June 27, 2007 | | 3 Comments »