Redneck Bar & Grill

Dear Ernie,
     I’m in high school and I was recently caught plagiarizing a story I wrote for my English class.  I got a zero on the paper, of course, but whats worse is the teacher is talking about expelling me from his class.  Do you think plagiarism is wrong?
                                    Wracking My Imagination in David Thompson

Dear Lacking An Imagination,
     It’s quite a coincidence that you should happen to ask me this question today.  Earlier, I as looking around on YouTube (which is a place where no one ever attempts to pass off other people’s work as their own) and I came across a video that showed how "Family Guy" had stolen been inspired by many episodes of "The Simpsons".  I’m not going to pass judgment on the ethics of plagiarism.  Personally, I never need to steal anything from other sources when I am writing.  What I do is if I read something that I find clever and amusing, I’ll rewrite it in my own words and just come up with two or three original sentences.  Then all I have to do is say that it’s a parody and I can totally get away with it.

Dear Ernie,
     I have had a great burden weighing on my mind of late.  I am facing a major life changing decision.  I am on the horns of a major bull of a dilemma.  I feel like the sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.  I have taken a great deal of time to examine my current situation from every angle imaginable.  I have mapped out every possible outcome that I can see; yet I still don’t know what to do.  I am seriously beginning to believe that it would be better if someone else would just tell me what I should do.  If I didn’t have to think about the problem any longer, I could move on with my life and just deal with whatever consequences come my way. 

The only trouble with that idea is, who do I trust to make this decision on my behalf.  As I said this is a major life altering change for me.  Therefore I can’t have just any fool walking in off the street and telling me what to do.  I need to find someone who has spent a lot of time helping other people solve their problems.  Someone who is both well educated and highly intelligent.  Preferably, he or she should be able to think outside the box and look beyond traditional paradigms.  If this person could come up with a radical answer, one that I haven’t even considered myself, I feel that would be truly the best option for me at this point.  Unfortunately, there is no one in my life right now who matches that description.  So, that leaves me with another completely different problem.  I have to figure out where I can find the right person to make my life decisions for me.
                                             Facing A Conundrum in Revelstoke

Dear Humdrum Face,
     Did you have a question?

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