Redneck Bar & Grill

I have recently uncovered startling new evidence linking crime rates to global warming.  The local newspaper where I live (Red Deer) has an article saying that crime is down over the past week.  The police believe that this decrease is due to the excessive rain that we have had.  From this report I can infer that the criminals in this city don’t own rain coats.  Furthermore, they must be scared of a little water; because, if you think about it, why should rain stop you from something like picking up a prostitute?  She’s the one who has to stand out in the rain, not you.  But I suppose maybe the prostitutes decided to call in "sick" instead of work in the rain.  As well, I imagine that I probably wouldn’t want to be stealing cars in a heavy downpour.  I’d get completely soaked, then I’d get the inside of the car all wet and that would drive down the price that a chop-shop would be willing to pay.

History shows that there have been times in the past when heavy rains were effective in stopping crime.  If I recall correctly, during Noah’s time the entire population of the Earth (something like 2000 people) were becoming increasingly lawless and just doing whatever they felt like.  Then, after forty days and forty nights of rain, there was no more crime.  Of course they world’s population was down to something like 10; but they were 10 law abiding citizens.

Therefore, if our climate continues to change, and we continue to have heavy rainfall, crime rates will continue to decrease.  This is more evidence to prove my theory that global warming is good and together we can make a difference.