Redneck Bar & Grill

Doctors are really terrific, aren’t they?  Anytime I stub my toe or get a pounding headache from watching reality television, my doctor will always give me some Tylenol 4 (the really good kind with codeine, caffeine and trimetrocarbobezoethylene).  I go for a regular checkup twice a month.  Doctor Jones is always happy to give me a hernia test and check for lumps. 

I’ve heard of something called "homeopathic medicine" and even though I don’t really know what it is, there’s something about it that scares me. I suppose that makes me homeo-phobic, but I just prefer the old fashioned medicine.

Doctors can always tell what’s wrong with you.  All they have to do is look into your every orifice with that special light scope.  Then they take a blood sample, stool sample, urine sample, skin sample, hair sample and dandruff sample.  They send that off to the labs to have it analyzed and in a couple of weeks they get the results back.  Then they can tell you exactly what’s wrong with you.  Like, just recently, my doctor said I had, "excessive hyper-pigmentation of the epidermal layer".  So he prescribed me an, "ultra-violet blocking / epidermis regenerating salve"; and it only cost me $50 for 20 mL.  How could anyone live without doctors?

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