Dear Ernie,
What qualifications do you have to dispense advice to the wisdom impaired?
Curious About Qualifications in Pine Lake
Dear Curiously Unqualified,
I hold an honorary Bachelor of Satire Degree from the University of Paraguay. In addition I still hold the record for having the highest G.P.A. of anyone who has ever received that degree. That makes my B.S. better than anyone else’s. I also spend up to 9 hours every day watching reality t.v.; which, as we all know, is highly educational programming.
Dear Ernie,
I lost all respect I ever had for Paris Hilton when she went to jail. As a result I have decided to stop using the phrase, "That’s hot". Now I need a new catchphrase which I can apply to everything that I like. Can you come up with one for me?
That’s No Longer Hot in Labrador
Dear Lab Hottie,
I happen to have the inside line on this. Now that Victoria (Posh Spice) Beckham has come to America, she has brought with her the next great catchphrase. Everybody who’s anybody will soon be saying, "That’s major." If you’re out shopping and you see some cute shoes say, "That’s major". If you are eating a really good meal in a fancy restaurant tell your server, "That’s major". If we all start saying this all the time, pretty soon we will all forget about stuff being, "hot"; at least until the next season of "The Simpletons", I mean, "The Simple Life".
I was unaware you had such high qualifications.