I’ve known Ernie for a long time. Other than his love for Blue Beaver Beer and cooking, he really gets stoked when Weird Al comes to Alberta. It has been quite a few years since the comic genius’ last visit, so we made sure to book tickets in advance and head on down to cowtown.
If you’ve never been to a Weird Al concert, you really don’t know what you are missing. He does a costume change between almost all of the songs, and there is always a couple pieces that I haven’t heard on an album. Of course, if you don’t like comedy and slapstick humour (Canadian spelling, just for you, RT!) , don’t bother going to a Weird Al Yankovic concert. You might as well find somewhere to be incredibly serious, alone, and maybe, in pain.
I had a great time. There was no reserved seating, so we got there early enough to get floor seats. All the seating on the floor was around tables. Three hot Spanish girls sat at the same table as us, and one of them kept yelling "I love you!" toward the stage. Later, Weird Al ended up coming over to our table and sitting on one of the girl’s laps during one song. Definitely the high point of the evening.
Later I found out my wife was a tad bit peeved about me sitting with a bunch of crazy university girls. Who woulda thunk it.
Strangely, there was no Blue Beaver Beer at the concession. The rest of the night was so great it almost didn’t matter.
Redneck Bar & Grill
Beer, Friends, Food
If you look hard at this column, you will find it is unusual. It is highly logical but also odd. Try to spot what I am doing. It is a conundrum which will allow you to think in an unusual way. A woman might know this trick, so might a man; but not two or four or six. It may hurt your brain to think this way but if I show you a hint, you may start to find what is missing. Think about a popular tool in writing. It is almost vital in writing anything, but this column hasn’t got any of this thing in it. You cannot "mail" anything using you iMac or IBM without this. I also cannot gratify my thirst with my most popular drink without this missing symbol. I can’t slip any hints apart from what I just did; so just try to spot what is missing from this column.
Earlier this month Alberta Premier, Ed Stelmach was viciously attacked while helping out at a pancake breakfast in Calgary. A woman calmly approached him past his oblivious security forces and pulled out her weapon; a chocolate cream pie. Fortunately, she only grazed the Premier and was taken down before she could reload.
When Stelmach, appeared at another pancake breakfast in Edmonton yesterday, he left nothing to chance. He surrounded himself with with three layers of security. City police officers on bicycles, sheriffs in uniform and plainclothes security staff all kept a watchful eye on the civilians. Stelmach reportedly was also wearing a "wash-and-wear" type suit with Scotch-Guard.
Apparently, this is a slow time of year when it comes to attending the official duties of the Premiers office. Stelmach has little else better to do with his time than to tour Alberta flipping pancakes, shaking hands and kissing breakfast sausages.
Rumour has it that the terrorists are planning to use berry based pie in future attacks due to the greater stain damage that they can cause.
The other day I took advantage of the nice weather and went to the fair. I took a stroll around the grounds and checked out all of the wondrous sights. The vast selection of deep-fried, fatty, cholesterol and carbohydrate laden foods was astounding. My arteries hardened just from the smell alone. Then I went to see all of the games.
Of course there were the usual suspects; the ring toss, basket toss, baseball toss, beaver toss, shoot the star and pop the balloon. First I tried popping the balloons, but the darts weren’t sharp enough. Then (since it was right behind me) I tried shooting out the star, but I ran out of ammo while I still had one point showing. All of a sudden inspiration struck me. I paid for a refill of ammo but instead of shooting the star I turned around and shot the balloons. This worked out really well for me. The carny gave me the biggest stuffed animal they had and then told me I also won a free ride on a very special attraction; the "Police Car". It was great, they put the cuffs on me and put me in the back seat and then took me "downtown" and put me in a jail cell. It was incredibly realistic.
After I "made bail", I went back to the fair to see if there were any other rides I wanted to go on. After the Police Car ride, though, nothing really appealed to me. I was thinking about setting fire to one of the tents so that I might get to go on the Fire Truck ride, but something else caught my eye.
There was a reptile show going on. They had a 20′ long python, a large turtle, an assortment of alligators and one crocodile. They were really cool. There was a sign saying you could have your picture taken with a reptile for $10. I offered them $25 to let me put my head in the crocodile’s mouth, but they wouldn’t let me.
As I was leaving I saw a guy wearing a rather strange outfit. I went in for a closer look and it turned out he was a one man band. He had a guitar, harmonica, snare drum, bass drum, cymbal and a cowbell. He was pretty amazing and best of all he performed the "Spiderman" theme song. I was going to buy him a drink at the beer gardens, but they didn’t serve Blue Beaver Beer, so I had to go home.