Redneck Bar & Grill

Dear Ernie,
     What’s for dinner?
                                     Hungry in Hungary

Dear Hungrian,
     Tonight I am preparing an exquisite and bountiful feast.  For an appetizer, we will start with freshly plucked Oakanagan Glacial Romaine tossed with a light balsamic vinaigrette and e.v.o.o. (Rachael Ray’s recipe).  Then we shall move on to cedar smoked, encased, shaped and formed Chilean Porcine meat with delightful, lightly fried tubers.  For dessert we will be serving chilled, gelatinized Yucatan Strawberries.  We will wash it down with a bottle of Mad Dog 20-20, 2006.  You’re all invited.

Dear Ernie,
     I heard an ugly rumour.  A friend of my boyfriend’s, ex-roommate’s, sister’s, uncle’s, brother-in-law said that you’re just making up these questions, that no one is actually asking them and also that you don’t do any research at all, you just make up a semi-clever answer.  Is there any truth at all to these allegations?  Because I read your column faithfully every week and I would be just devastated if it was true.
                                 Very Upset in Cold Lake

Dear Cold Bastard,
     First of all I know that it’s Bob saying those things about me and if he doesn’t stop he’ll be facing libel charges.  Secondly, that allegation is completely false.  My answers are not "semi-clever", they are utterly brilliant.  Don’t let anyone tell you any different and if they do punch them in the duodenum for me.  To all of my fans out there keep all of those questions coming, I promise I will answer them in time.

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