2007 October | Redneck Bar & Grill - Part 2

You Lying Piece of Wrongness

I started thinking about how often the word "lie" is used in an incorrect way. I actually took the time to look it up in the dictionary and the definition of lie is: "a false statement known to be false by the person who makes it". Therefore, if someone asks you where they could get a case of Blue Beaver and you tell them to go to the closest liquor store, but then you suddenly remember that particular store in fact does not carry Blue Beaver. Then you say, "Oh, I lied. You’ll have to go someplace else." That would actually be the lie. You see at first you made a statement that you believed to be truthful, but then you realized that you had mis-remembered the facts and so you correct yourself. This is what is known as a mistake as opposed to a lie. Then if you say that you lied when you actually made a mistake, that would be a lie (I suppose the exception would be if you don’t know the proper definition of a lie). Now by that same rationale, consider this. You tell someone that you will be at his place with a case of Blue Beaver at 3 p.m., but you don’t arrive until 3:30. You explain to him that there was a long line up at the liquor store, and a long line up when you went to put gas in you car and on top of that you had a flat tire on the way over. Your friend is upset that he hasn’t been drinking beer for the past half hour so he accuses you of lying to him about what time you intended to arrive. This would be an ignorant (I encourage you to check the proper definition of this word) statement to make, not to mention a hurtful one. You didn’t lie, you made a mistake, which, unfortunately, human beings do from time to time. Unless you’re a politician, then you lie all the time, but try to convince people that you just made a mistake. Then again politicians are hardly classifiable as human beings.

(originally posted February 2007)

One Bad Beer

So a lot of you have probably noticed that sometimes we post a new blog entry every day for a little while; but then there are several days when we don’t post anything. Most likely you’re asking yourselves why this is. Some of you might think that we are just lazy; others might think we probably drank too much Blue Beaver Beer last night. Well, I’d like to clear this matter up right now.First of all, we are not lazy. Would a lazy person go out five or six times a week and to promote Blue Beaver at all the local pubs and lounges in the area? Sometimes we visit six different pubs in one night just to spread the joy of the best beer know to man. This is work people. And remember we are not actually employees of the brewery, we are fans. We do this in our spare time, for free; we still have day jobs.

Second, there is no such thing as too much Blue Beaver. That’s like saying you can eat too much peperoni and cheese sticks. It’s not possible. Sometimes we do wake up the next morning feeling a bit…off our game. The reason for this is not the Blue Beaver Beer we drink. You see, sometimes we will have something else to drink. I know that our fellow fans probably just let out a cry of outrage when they read that, but let me explain. After six or seven Blue Beavers, what I like to do is try an inferior beer, so that way when I have a Beaver again I will really appreciate it. Think of it as clearing the palate so that you can experience all of the subtle nuances of a really good beer. It’s that one bad beer that will leave you feeling out of sorts the next day. But it’s worth it.

So, when we have a little bit of time in between our day jobs and nights spent promoting Blue Beaver, that’s when we write new entries for our blog. So now you know.

(Originally posted November, 2006)

Think Positively About Your Decisions

Dear Ernie,
I’ve been pretty depressed lately. I decided to try that "positive thinking" crap that people are always going on about (even though I knew it wouldn’t work) and sure enough nothing changed. What can you do to make me feel better?
At Wit’s End in Calgary

Dear Wit-less,
The main cause of depression is intelligence. If you are smart it leads to unhappiness because you think that there is something better out there. If you are not very bright, you don’t know what you’re missing and therefore you tend to be happy with your life. So really, it’s dumb to be smart because that will only cause unhappiness. Only dumb people are smart enough to be happy.

Dear Ernie,
I have had a great burden weighing on my mind of late. I am facing a major life changing decision. I am on the horns of a major bull of a dilemma. I feel like the sword of Damocles is hanging over my head. I have taken a great deal of time to examine my current situation from every angle imaginable. I have mapped out every possible outcome that I can see; yet I still don’t know what to do. I am seriously beginning to believe that it would be better if someone else would just tell me what I should do. If I didn’t have to think about the problem any longer, I could move on with my life and just deal with whatever consequences come my way.

The only trouble with that idea is, who do I trust to make this decision on my behalf. As I said this is a major life altering change for me. Therefore I can’t have just any fool walking in off the street and telling me what to do. I need to find someone who has spent a lot of time helping other people solve their problems. Someone who is both well educated and highly intelligent. Preferably, he or she should be able to think outside the box and look beyond traditional paradigms. If this person could come up with a radical answer, one that I haven’t even considered myself, I feel that would be truly the best option for me at this point. Unfortunately, there is no one in my life right now who matches that description. So, that leaves me with another completely different problem. I have to figure out where I can find the right person to make my life decisions for me.
Facing A Conundrum in Revelstoke

Dear Humdrum Face,
Did you have a question?

Alright folks if any of you out there in internet-land are being kept awake at night wondering if there really is a doG or if there’s a burning question you need an answer to, just write it in the comments section below and I will be happy to tell you what to do.

It was Twelve Months Ago Today

Well, I certainly have egg on my face now. I (almost) totally forgot about something really important. But at least I’m not alone in my shameful-egg-faced-ness; Tim also seems to have forgotten (although I’m sure he’ll have a cool excuse like, "My homework ate my dog.") What is it that we have forgotten, you ask? Well, I’m glad that you inquired. We have overlooked the birth-versary-day of The Blue Beaver Beer Blog. It’s true, it’s damn true. One year ago Tim and I posted our very first entries (on the 22nd and 23rd of October 2006, respectively). Admittedly, those first two didn’t seem like much:

Ring…Ring…Ring…. Click "operator," Pause "I’m in."

and

I want to log in to you.

There you are the words that started it all. Someday they’ll be as well known as that Neil Armstrong quote. You know, the one about men leaping. Of course we didn’t actually write those ourselves, we ~~totally ripped off~~ were inspired by other sources. However, in the weeks and months that followed we became better, stronger, faster. For the record, my first real post was exactly one year ago today, so therefore I didn’t totally miss our birth-versary-day.

With that in mind do you remember when your favourite t.v. series used to do those "clip-shows". Remember how they used to use some cheap ploy to get the main characters to fondly recollect things that happened to them. Remember that feeling you’d get watching the "clip-shows", a feeling akin to being cheated out of something you were really looking foward to? Well, then come back here to relive that feeling as we present to you some clips of past posts. That way we won’t have to come up with anything new for at least a week.