Redneck Bar & Grill

Dear Ernie,
     I have a problem.  While I was swimming across the Sahara, a wheel fell off my canoe.  I realized that I didn’t know how many flapjacks it took to re-roof the hen house…any clue?  Thanks!
                            Jim, Moore’s son

Dear Son-of-a-Moore,
     A little piece of friendly advice; next time you swim across the Sahara, make certain that you are in an authentic birch bark canoe with runners instead of wheels.  I guarantee you will have more success.  As for your question: well you didn’t really specify the size of the hen-house roof.  As well, not knowing the exact degree of pitch on the roof nor the size of the flapjacks being used; I can, at best, only make an educated guess.  Let us first assume that the flapjacks in question are 15 cm (6 inches) in diameter; this would give you a surface area of 176.8 square centimetres (28.3 square inches).  Now, if we further assume that it is a standard sized hen-house roof with a 33.3 degree pitch, then you would need 610 flapjacks. Of course, since the flapjacks are round and the roof is square there is going to be some waste involved.  Fortunately chickens will gladly take care of the scraps for you.

Dear Ernie,
     I’ve got 1000 surplus pairs of authentic 80’s Moon-boots. Do you want in on this action?
                               Stan From the Disco

Dear Disco Stan,
     I managed to live through the 80’s without falling victim to it’s nightmarish fashion trends (remember hammer-pants and elf boots?), I don’t really want to have to endure that again.  However, some of the young people today who have not yet developed any fashion sense often think that "retro" is cool.  Perhaps if someone could find a group of kids who haven’t got the brains God gave a Yak, then that person might be able to convince these kids to buy some ugly clothing.  If I locate the buyers I will expect no less than a 45% cut in the profits.

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