Redneck Bar & Grill

Dear Ernie,
     Do men have any feelings at all?
                            Scorned in Red Deer

Dear Scourge,
     Many women seem to believe that men do not feel anything, except for perhaps lust, however this is truly not the case.  While it is true that men don’t really express their feelings, they nonetheless do have them.  As The Bard said, "If you prick us, do we not bleed?"  Just because it’s all internal doesn’t make it any less painful.  A woman might say, "If you stand me up, I’ll be sad."  It may not be common knowledge, but it is conceivably possible that a woman could stand up a man.  The man would then feel not only sadness but also anger; and as another learned sage once said, "Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry."  So men internalize their feelings because they have always had to be the strong ones.  Society doesn’t allow them to express themselves and as a result many women just assume that the men are incapable of feeling, therefore they have no concerns at all about hurting a man’s feelings.  The best we can do is drown our sorrows in Blue Beaver Beer at the Nudie Bar.

Dear Ernie,
     I had shares in this company that made inflatable dartboards, and I lost all of my investment. Can you recommend a good stock?
                            Susan from Canmore

Dear Canned Suzie,
     I recall hearing, on one of those Report on Business type shows, about that inflatable dartboard company when it went under.  Quite a number of people lost a lot of money in that one.  I would recommend purchasing shares in the Blue Beaver Beer Brewing Company, unfortunately it is not yet a publicly traded company.  I have heard rumours of an upcoming I.P.O., however there has not yet been any official word.  In the meantime you might want to look into shares in some sort of a stationary company.  I have reason to believe that this fad of text/instant messaging is going to come to an end pretty soon.  When it does all the young people are going to go "retro" and they will all start sending each other letters.  Paper and envelopes will start selling like hotcakes.

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