Why, just the other day I was having a Blue Beaver Beer with Eddie Murphy and Robert Jones at the Redneck Bar & Grill. Eddie has been visiting Robert for years at Robert’s farm in Canada. I’ll have to dig out some newspaper articles about the two of them to share with you. Sometimes Elvis stops by and we have a plate of hotwings.
We were talking about that time that we had been abducted by aliens and forced into weight loss programs. It was a week that some can only dream of. If we hadn’t been rescued by that guy with the blue skin I hesitate to think what might have happened. We stopped those aliens from dominating the Earth with an amazing display of old school rock n’ roll, comedy and beer consumption.
Another thing. I know this one is hard to believe, but after listening to Steven Wright do standup one day, I realized that I can make birds levitate. Sounds weird I know, but if I see a bird all I have to do is walk towards it and concentrate, and before you know it it will float into the air! You should try it, maybe you have secret powers too.
Anyways, if you doubt my truthfulness, there is a simple test to check my veracity. Go buy yourself a Blue Beaver Beer. After drinking it I guarantee you that you will agree, it is the best beer that money can buy. So remember, when you’re feeling blue, grab a Beaver!
Objection! Truth has been patented by the Papa Hari Research Institute – you need to pay royalties to us to use it.
Can you please send me an application form, Hari?
Zoooooomed. I always say that I can’t write fiction, and really there’s no need. With stuff like this happening all the time, who needs fictional accounts?
Here’s the form:
1. NAME: ___________
2. AGE: _______
3. NATURE OF TRUTH (TICK APPLICABLE):
WHITE LIE [ ]
BLACK LIE [ ]
OTHER COLOUR LIE [ ]
UNTRUTH [ ]
EXAGGERATION [ ]
NEWSPAPER REPORT [ ]
4. WHAT IS THE TRUTH? (IN ZERO WORDS OR LESS)
_____
I HEREBY DECLARE THAT THE ABOVE IS A TRUTH IN AND I HAVE PAID MY ROYALTY TO THE PAPA HARI FOUNDATION AND THEREFORE EXEMPT FROM OTHER DUES
SIGNED [ YOUR NAME ]
Ya wanna hear a really cool trick? Every time there are dishes to wash my teenage daughter disappears and then suddenly reappears when they’re done. Pretty amazing trick eh!
Tammy’s last blog post..CHRISTMAS PRESENT
That’s a pretty good one, Tammy. Maybe you should use that food doesn’t appear on the table until chores are done trick?
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