Can You Understand The Words Coming Out Of My Blog?

There’s been an…occurrence happening around The Redneck lately that I feel that I ought to address.  As you know we have that whole “do-follow” thing going on; so when you leave a comment it will link back to your own blog/website (if you know this then why am I bothering to bring it up, one might inquire).  Now; I have covered the whole spam tofu thing before so I shall not mention it here.  However, there is another concern that I have.  Several times various people have left comments in the moderation queue and after checking the back-link to their site I have become concerned.  They have blogs written in a foreign tongue.

Now I wish to state, for the record, absolutely none of the management or staff down here at The Redneck are prejudiced in any way whatsoever.  We believe that everyone should be able to enjoy a Blue Beaver Beer no matter what your race, creed or sexual preference might be (except paisley people, screw all paisley people).  After all some of my best friends really, really like beavers but I would never judge them for it.

The only problem I have is that with a blog written in a foreign tongue, is that they could be saying anything and we would never know.  They might be saying, “Let’s clear cut the Forests of Ubangme” or “The Redneck Bar and Grill Sucks” or worst of all, “Coors Light tastes better than Blue Beaver Beer“.  I mean, seriously, we can’t risk the possibility that they might be spreading such terrible propaganda.  So for anyone who has a foreign language blog/website who leaves a comment for us; thank-you very much for stopping by and I’m very sorry we can’t publish your comments.

July 28, 2008 | | Tags: , , , , | 16 Comments »

Weird Al Yankovic at the Redneck Bar & Grill on July 31st

That’s right! Weird Al is going to be paying The Redneck a visit this week. Ernie goes way back with Al, and he asked the King of song parody to do a special private show for us and a few patrons while he’s in Alberta this week.

I don’t remember if I ever told you the story of how we met Weird Al, all those years ago in downtown Calgary. We were walking along, enjoying the  sites as we dodged street people and politely refused to buy baggies of stuff from scruffy looking alley vendors. There was a Weird Al concert that night, and we were just killing time and waiting to go see our favourite performer live. Ernie had his lucky Weird Al t-shirt on in preparation for the big event.

A guy wearing a hoodie up over his head was walking toward us with his hands in his pockets, and he stopped in front of Ernie and said, “Nice shirt, man.” We suddenly clued in that this was Weird Al! The rest, as they say, is history.

You may recall our experiences last year at the Weird Al concert in Calgary , and the hot Spanish chicks we ended up with. Weird Al even sat briefly at our table! I bet you’re jealous now. Ernie also wrote his thoughts about Weird Al’s Calgary Concert.

I haven’t got to the best part yet, though. Then one day Ernie was walking through the Forest of Ubangme, just trying to get a tan, and he found Weird Al, stranded in the middle of nowhere. It seems his Segway ran out of juice, and he had lost his cell phone. Fortunately, Ernie was able to call for help and Get Al’s crew out there to pick him up. While they waited, they shared a  glimpse of the rare Slouching Tiger amongst the trees. Al promised to do a favour for Ernie someday, and Ernie decided to try to get Al out to the horseguard Valley.

I know Ernie has sent out special invites to certain people out there. However, I think that anyone can find the Redneck Bar And Grill is welcome to get in on the fun.

July 26, 2008 | | Tags: , , , | 7 Comments »

But I’m Not Ready to be an Evil Minion! How about Inebriated Minion Instead?

Ah, those wacky minions! Always rushing in and getting their fool heads sliced open by my Elvish Longsword of Minion Slaying +3 with bottle opener attachment. Those were the days. And Ernie, with his Staff of Minion Enslavement and his Neverending Salad Dressing Flask. We really tore it up against those warlords.

Alas, my adventuring days are over. Ernie and I stowed our gear in a back room of the Redneck Bar and Grill and started serving beer instead of Whup-ass. I can still remember it like it was years ago. Our last campaign crossed continents, spanned large span-able things and nearly ended with the destruction of the multiverse. And, it was a non-stop thrill ride!

And now, I have been asked to become a minion of Untwisted Vortex. I have to say, being RT’s minion is bound to be a lot better than any of the ones I’ve run into before. Apparently all this time, Overlords, evil wizards, despots and all around bad rulers have been calling their henchmen and followers “minions” in a mistaken understanding of the word.

There is a game out right now called Overlord Raising Hell. You become an all-powerful Overlord, and then control an army of impish creatures, called Minions. One review calls them a “pack of slavishly loyal rascals”. I guess I wasn’t the only one using this definition of the word.

I have been called impish, loyal and a rascal, but never slavish. And I am not a pack creature, but rather more of an individual. As long as RT doesn’t demand I become part of a “slavishly loyal pack” I shall become Untwisted Vortex’ Noble Minion, in hopes of being raised up to royalty. And other side benefits. If you are also interested in becoming a minion, you should check it out.

And if you have never visited RT at Untwisted Vortex, as his minion I must insist you that you go there right now. He is a swell Overlord. He would never demand that his minions attack an obviously superior foe in hand to hand combat, with death as a sure reward. And he never makes us taste his food to make sure it is free of poison. He hasn’t even raised his voice at me so far (in person, anyways!)

His blog covers many topics, such as Philippine Airlines and Philippines Travel. Well, what are you waiting for? Get over there and read a whole honkin’ armload of his articles forthwith!

July 25, 2008 | | Tags: , , , | 8 Comments »

I Just Watched My Dog Run Away For A Week

So a little while ago my Aunt Pollie was telling me that her law firm has just been swamped with land deals recently.  It seems that a vast number of people are wanting to move out to Saskatchewan.  Really, who cam blame them; the vast stretches of land that are utterly unobstructed by any sort of features like hills or trees (it’s a well known Canadian fact that all of Saskatchewan’s trees long ago migrated to British Columbia).  That sort of thing is really appealing to anyone who has recently undergone elective brain surgery.

There are a number of Saskatchewanians who believe that their province is starting to become the new Alberta.  The oil and gas industry is starting to take off, land is abundant and people are starting to want to go there and get a piece of the pie.  However, if Saskatchewan does become the new Alberta they had best get ready for an influx of foreigners who can barely speak the English language.  Yeah, pretty soon there won’t be anybody left in Newfoundland at all.  Next they’ll have to designate some podunk little town as New Fort MacMurray.  Maybe North Battleford can be their Newfie Reserve.  Lard T’underin’!

Just to assist any of our southern neighbours who may not be familiar with the subtleties of Canadian culture, perhaps this will help.  Alberta is in many ways similar to Texas, Newfoundland would be our New Jersey, the closest thing to Saskatchewan might be Nebraska which probably makes Nunavut the equivalent to Delaware.

July 24, 2008 | | Tags: , , , , | 8 Comments »