Ah, those wacky minions! Always rushing in and getting their fool heads sliced open by my Elvish Longsword of Minion Slaying +3 with bottle opener attachment. Those were the days. And Ernie, with his Staff of Minion Enslavement and his Neverending Salad Dressing Flask. We really tore it up against those warlords.
Alas, my adventuring days are over. Ernie and I stowed our gear in a back room of the Redneck Bar and Grill and started serving beer instead of Whup-ass. I can still remember it like it was years ago. Our last campaign crossed continents, spanned large span-able things and nearly ended with the destruction of the multiverse. And, it was a non-stop thrill ride!
And now, I have been asked to become a minion of Untwisted Vortex. I have to say, being RT’s minion is bound to be a lot better than any of the ones I’ve run into before. Apparently all this time, Overlords, evil wizards, despots and all around bad rulers have been calling their henchmen and followers “minions” in a mistaken understanding of the word.
There is a game out right now called Overlord Raising Hell. You become an all-powerful Overlord, and then control an army of impish creatures, called Minions. One review calls them a “pack of slavishly loyal rascals”. I guess I wasn’t the only one using this definition of the word.
I have been called impish, loyal and a rascal, but never slavish. And I am not a pack creature, but rather more of an individual. As long as RT doesn’t demand I become part of a “slavishly loyal pack” I shall become Untwisted Vortex’ Noble Minion, in hopes of being raised up to royalty. And other side benefits. If you are also interested in becoming a minion, you should check it out.
And if you have never visited RT at Untwisted Vortex, as his minion I must insist you that you go there right now. He is a swell Overlord. He would never demand that his minions attack an obviously superior foe in hand to hand combat, with death as a sure reward. And he never makes us taste his food to make sure it is free of poison. He hasn’t even raised his voice at me so far (in person, anyways!)
His blog covers many topics, such as Philippine Airlines and Philippines Travel. Well, what are you waiting for? Get over there and read a whole honkin’ armload of his articles forthwith!
Could you, by any chance, take up a job as my minion? I’m badly in need of one.
But I *am* a evil overlord.
Hehe, not really.
RT Cunningham’s last blog post..Philippines Hotel and Resort Offerings – Olongapo City and Subic Bay
hey Tim, beautifully written post (funny as all hell as usual). I just wish I had been around back in those days when you were serving up Whup-ass (I would have been on your side of course!). ~ Steve, a fellow UV (and occasionally inebriated) minion (aka Mr Trade Show Display)
hari:
Can I be a minion for more than one overlord? If so, I might be able to do some moonlighting for you.
Steve:
Remember, the inebriated minions are the easiest ones to defeat. Sometimes a mere shove will end the conflict.
[Tim wrote: "Remember, the inebriated minions are the easiest ones to defeat. Sometimes a mere shove will end the conflict."]
Tim, you are wise beyond your years. I must continue to learn from you. I think also sometime offering an inebriated minion another beaver or two will end the conflict as well as he may fall down on his own. I will remember to not mix merry minioning and drinking. One thing at a time! ~ Steve
Wait… all your minions are belong to us!
hey Tim, just wanted to let you know that I officially signed up as a UV Minion too (I’m waiting on the shiny badge). I thought I was a minion, but apparently wasn’t yet. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you won’t be fighting alone. You won’t be an army of one. I’ll have your back. That is, I’ll be behind you guarding the Blue Beaver! But I promise to try not to become to inebriated. MINIONS UNITED! ~ Steve
That’s kind of a relief. One minion does not an Untwisted Vortex army make.