It is the age old problem of how to quit smoking. More and more people are turning from smoking to new habits. While this makes the anti smoking groups and petitioners extremely happy, new addictions have risen up that threaten our very way of life in North America.
Many ex-tobacco-users have turned to gum as a substitute for their problems. Just like alcohol, gum can cause rude, boisterous behavior and also leaves a toxic, gummy residue on countertops, floors, under tables, and in ashtrays. Many people also lose the ability to keep their mouths shut while they chew gum, so that they appear to be chewing their cud like a cow.
Anne Tartica, a waitress at a Red Deer diner, expressed disgust at gum left on plates and tables and on the carpet. “I don’t understand how come these people are so inconsiderate. The smokers were never this much work. Ciggarette butts don’t stick to everything. And who knows what the effects of touching this gum might be. Can’t these people use hypnotherapy to quit smoking instead of gum?”
Scientists working around the clock in the Condor Research Facilities have come up with startling evidence that exposure to secondhand gum can have very bad effects.
Apparently, chewing gum that has already been used can lead to low self esteem. A test subject forced to chew secondhand gum over a period of weeks develops irritability, sleeplessness, poor hygiene, hostility, and eventually will attempt to commit suicide.
Gum chewers themselves are at the most risk. Prominent Condor researcher Bill Lowney has discovered that longterm effects of gum chewing could be that your insides will get gummed up. Anyone who has been gummed up knows how bad this can be.
Based on this new research, restaurants might want to put new non-chewing sections in, where customers can be assured that they won’t find gum on the floor or under the tables.
New government taxes on gum will soon be in effect and many will feel that their habit is too expensive. When it comes down to feeding the children or blowing bubbles, the children usually come out on top.
What a funny twist on the topic!
Smoking is both a physical and psychological addiction. Gum, patches, and pills fail to address the psychological addiction and that’s why so many people fail with these approaches.
So, I guess that gum become one killer replacing another . . .
Stop Smoking Tips last blog post..Stop Smoking Tip
Funny fake news.. I anticipate this might happen sooner or later
If you are in the right frame of mind there are virtually no side effects of quitting smoking. Many smokers are brainwashed into thinking they will suffer terrible side effects when attempting to quit.
My dad tried to quit smoking for years. He actually used stop smoking gum and quit for 9 months. Yeah he started back up again but he tried EVERYTHING and only the gum seemed to have worked. He’s going to try and quit again because most smokers don’t actually quit their first time around.
Anyway, funny article…nicely done!
Believe it or not, I know a guy that had to go to the hospital when he was younger because he always swallowed gum instead of spitting it out. He was in there for a week and he doesn’t chew gum to this day.
My father quit smoking 20 years ago. It was funny, because he one year decided that he was going to just quit cold turkey and that’s what he did. No help, no aids, no gum, nothing. It goes to show you that the will do do something many times trumps over everything else. I know smokers have a chemical and physical dependency on tobacco, but in some cases if a person (like my father) can overcome one of those 2 dependencies with great vengeance, then many times the posing addiction can be overcome.
Frankly, I thought it was serious because I don’t smoke but I chew gum a lot. After reading the whole post I found out that it was posted in ‘Fake News’ category lol! I smoked a lot in my childhood days so leaving it for me was easier but gum I think could be a better substitute. I chew gum a lot and second hand gum is quite confusing for me, why would chew our thrown up gums again? But etiquette regarding throwing gum is important. I heard Singapore has banned chewing gums because it sticks anywhere and it has no benefits. If you don’t throw it properly, it can damage anyone’s hairs, carpets etc.
you guys are so damn funny, i only found this site the other day and now i am hooked and just had to add your feed so i can keep up with the madness
keep it up people please
Ed
PS if you ever need any printing doing please contact me via my website as i would be glad to help you out for putting so many smiles on my face
Thats funny as all get out. losing the ability to chew with your mouth closed, an interesting thought, but so true. I’m an ex smoker and I just found myself doing, just that.
hehehe….
This is the funniest post I have read today. I t makes me think twice if I need to quit smoking..lol
Tim,
“Many people also lose the ability to keep their mouths shut while they chew gum, so that they appear to be chewing their cud like a COW.” that’s crazy. this quote will make you famous. lol
I love it
I am so angry! I have a seven thousand dollar kitchen table that is absolutely beautifel. And I was cleaning something under the table, when I looked up and saw about three different places where someone has smashed their gum into the underside of my table! Seriously, who would do that at my house. I am on the hunt to find out.
I want to quit sometimes but not with gum. Smoking makes me happy others no.
Hahahaha! Second hand gum. Seriously though.
Wow, second hand chewing gum…that is about as red neck as you can get, I think.
Just the extreme visuals you create with your post are enough to crave a barf bag.
Funny too.
Well done!
If cigarettes cause cancer how are they still are legal?
Hahaha, funny post mate. Electronic cigarettes are indeed a less harmful alternative to cigarettes though.
Who was the poor guy with poor self esteem that was forced to chew second hand gum? I bet he felt a lot better about himself after that. How did they measure his fall in self esteem. LOL
Ha ha! That was pretty funny. I think it’s another reason not to quit smoking. Actually, I have tried quitting smoking once but I am still smoking. I don’t know what to do.
Smoking has been banned inside Minnesota bars, which has been nice. Smokers can still step outsides or use the patio.
Don’t see cigarettes becoming illegal anytime soon. That’s a ridiculous claim.
smoking has been banned from insude bars and restaurants which is super nice!
I can imagine chewing second hand gum lowers self esteem – it sounds pathetic…
Hi there,
Your article is quite difficult to read cause of the transparency. Maybe you wanna adjust this a bit?
Other then that I believe, that gum doesn`t do anything for you. It just creates another addiction doesn`t it?
I stopped by reading the books of Allen Carr and I had to read them twice to make it work but it did!
Cheers
Tobi
I really do not think that gum can help you quit smoking. For alot of smokers its about having something to do with your mouth, but the addiction is alot stronger than a piece of gum.
Gum wont help for long, the urge to smoke will still be there.
Jim@electronoic cigarettte´s last blog ..Micro Electronic Cigarettes
Lol, I chewed gum for a week and had to quit because I kept dreaming of throwing myself in front of a mentos truck!
I agree that smoking is both a physical and psychological addiction, sometimes the body would really want to quit but the mind does not want to. It is imperative that you have to both solve the physical and psychological cravings, therefore no method would work if you do not have the self discipline.
I’ve already cut down. Cutting down is a good first step, to a safe level, but there’s a big difference in the benefits to you between smoking a little and not smoking at all. Besides, smokers who cut back often inhale more often and more deeply – negating many of the benefits of cutting back. After you’ve cut back to about seven cigarettes a day, it’s time to set a quit date.
Remember, there are always withdrawal symptoms to everyone. So do not force your bodies to quit something a hundred percent sudden.
Silly, chewing a gum will be a new addiction. LOL!
Smooking is an addiction. I guess everyone agreed on this statement. And, we know being addicted into something it would take time quiting on it Physically and Psychologically. But, if there you have the determination on quiting I know you could.
MMA in London´s last blog ..Our Gallery
Hahahahaha.
Second hand gum, non-chewing sections? People, this is fake and meant for humor!
Funny stuff, made me smile