It is the age old problem of how to quit smoking. More and more people are turning from smoking to new habits. While this makes the anti smoking groups and petitioners extremely happy, new addictions have risen up that threaten our very way of life in North America.
Many ex-tobacco-users have turned to gum as a substitute for their problems. Just like alcohol, gum can cause rude, boisterous behavior and also leaves a toxic, gummy residue on countertops, floors, under tables, and in ashtrays. Many people also lose the ability to keep their mouths shut while they chew gum, so that they appear to be chewing their cud like a cow.
Anne Tartica, a waitress at a Red Deer diner, expressed disgust at gum left on plates and tables and on the carpet. “I don’t understand how come these people are so inconsiderate. The smokers were never this much work. Ciggarette butts don’t stick to everything. And who knows what the effects of touching this gum might be. Can’t these people use hypnotherapy to quit smoking instead of gum?”
Scientists working around the clock in the Condor Research Facilities have come up with startling evidence that exposure to secondhand gum can have very bad effects.
Apparently, chewing gum that has already been used can lead to low self esteem. A test subject forced to chew secondhand gum over a period of weeks develops irritability, sleeplessness, poor hygiene, hostility, and eventually will attempt to commit suicide.
Gum chewers themselves are at the most risk. Prominent Condor researcher Bill Lowney has discovered that longterm effects of gum chewing could be that your insides will get gummed up. Anyone who has been gummed up knows how bad this can be.
Based on this new research, restaurants might want to put new non-chewing sections in, where customers can be assured that they won’t find gum on the floor or under the tables.
New government taxes on gum will soon be in effect and many will feel that their habit is too expensive. When it comes down to feeding the children or blowing bubbles, the children usually come out on top.
Way too funny. That second hand gum can be a killer.
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Yet another reason not to quit smoking. LOL
Tammys last blog post..MAD!!!!
but what if its MY already chewed gum that I’m chewing? You know…. like if I save it in a glass of water for later; or if I stick it to my nightstand so I can continue chewing it tomorrow….. am I still in trouble??? I’d hate to have to start smoking again after 10 years….
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Hey think of Singapore, where they can’t come up with things to outlaw fast enough… smoking inside, chewing gum, spitting on the ground, and other things a guy’ll get downright jittery over if he’s not allowed to do…. You never know how much you miss that gummed-up feeling (as you so accurately put it)until it’s ..sniff..taken away from you…
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It seems funny, but it can cause serious problems in the future. I also hate this gum on the carpet, floors, under tables, and in ashtrays. So now I learned that it also very dangerous for our health, and can cause serious illness, especially second hand gun. Thanks for very useful information.
John: that’s right, you can’t be too careful!
Tammy: you don’t want to trade one evil for another
Petra: no, it’s other people’s pre-chewed gum that is dangerous. Your own gum probably won’t be as bad for you.
Tom: they can’t spit on the ground over there? How would a redneck get by?
Tiffany: don’t take me too seriously, now!
Tim,
Yet another great post. I salute your sense of humor! I’d also like to have a Blue Beaver beer with Mr. Bill Lowney from the Condor Research Facilities. He sounds like one smart cookie, and I bet he could answer a lot of questions for me.
~ Steve (aka the trade show display guy)
I do hate this gum seeing on the floors or under tables. Thanks for this good info and for letting us know that it also dangerous for our health.
Steve: I could line that up for you if you want…
vev: it’s at least as dangerous as that brown scum that collects on the side of a tea cup. But that’s a whole other discussion.
Ha ha! That was pretty funny. You should submit your stuff to The Onion; maybe they’d let you on.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
So what happens after the gum chewing get’s taxed and people need to quit it? I wonder what the new addiction would be.
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Quit smoking? Quit chewing gum? What is next? I didn’t know that chewing gum is dangerous to our health too.
They should invent a proper gum disposal unit and put it on every block and corner; like a spit bowl or something. Raising prices on gum won’t cut the root cause of the problem.
My 3 year old stepped in gum on the sidewalk the other day—
who the hell just throws their gum on a freaking sidewalk.
Whatever, people– that’s just not right.
Florida Girl In Sydneys last blog post..Sydney Noodle Festival
Why would anyone smoke anyway? Nowadays it is quite obvious that it is horrible. It also seems that technology is allowing people to kick the habit as well. I foresee smoking to be banned in the US soon though. It seems like a stretch but it seems like its coming.
Justin from A R: I used to read The Onion. Does it show?
Justin from TB: maybe sunflower seeds. However, those can be harmful to your Feng Shui environment as careless seed addicts spit their husks all over the ground and etc.
Exotic Home Accessories: Hi! I never figured anyone would be so cruel as to give their kid the name “Exotic Home”. I give you my deepest most heartfelt apology on their behalf.
Home Decorations : Jeez, you hade some weird parents too,Homie! You’re right tho, bring back the spittoon.
Florida Girl: that’s exactly what I’m talking about! Darn second hand gum spitting bastards!
Kevin: Here in Alberta, smoking is now banned in many cities, so far as public places, restaurants, workplaces etc are concerned. It will be a while before smoking is outright banned, if ever. It’s big business, you know!
It sounds like second hand gum is worse for you than chewing gum first. Wierd.
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It is so GROSS when gum-chewers just put their gum anywhere they happen to be and don’t care who has to deal with it. Those people SUCK and I hope they choke on a piece of f&%$ing gum!
Whew. I feel better now.
I chew gum all the time (between cigarettes- LOL) but I always wrap it in paper and dispose of it properly. It’s not hard.
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I have tried quitting smoking once but I am still smoking. I don’t know what to do.
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Maybe what we need are gumtrays. Instead of ashtrays, people can leave their gross chewed-up gum in handy little receptacles filled with broken glass that will hopefully discourage second-hand gum-chewers.
JD at I Do Thingss last blog post..Gus Does Things so I don’t have to
I hate smoking! Why dosen’t eveyone just quit!
I salute your sense of humor. I would also like to have a Blue Beaver beer with Mr. Bill Lowney from the Condor Research Facilities.
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LOL – Great post. I think that the long term effects of gum-chewing deserve more publicity – maybe even a public health campaign and warnings on the packaging… Second Hand Gum Can Cause Poor Personal Hygiene -
Strange post… i didnt really understand it
Too funny! My fiance is trying to quit chewing tobacco and has move over to gum so I totally get where this is coming from.
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This is way too funny! I love it! Say away from 2nd hand gum I say!
Very funny indeed. I look forward to the new government taxes on chewing gum – or will that be just on chewing….
Shoo, a no chewing section? That isn’t going to stop people. The culprit is when they first walk into the restaurant and sit down. There isn’t even time to think about chewing or non-chewing. Research suggests that 93% of North American restaurant goers dispose of their current piece of gum within the first 5 mins of entering a restaurant. Maybe what they should do is require a 5 minute holding period in restaurants where they can sit them down before moving them to their actual table. This would limit “gum tossing” to just one section of the restaurant.
Same could go for swimming pools. Could we possibly get a gum detector that people must walk through?
Daniel: gum isn’t harmless fun!
Corrina: I agree, it is gross. Especially under tables and chairs.
JD: the broken glass idea is a nice touch!
sbs ba?vurular: Bill Lowney’s kinda busy with cloning all those sheep right now, but I’ll see what I can do.
Tony: Excellent idea. A warning on every pack of gum. And maybe a support group for second hand gum sufferers.
Tracy: good luck for your fiance
MHS: Right on, don’t you put it in your mouth!
Bill: with all the new taxes, a pack of gum will be at least $5
Leif: or, we could have a bouncer rough em up a bit at the door and force them to properly dispose of the gum, swallow it or whatever. And a gum detector is a good idea too, but technology is probably lagging on that one.
Everyone seems to smoking and try gum solutions. My doctor is always trying to give people these drugs. Maybe this will really work!
People chewing gum with their mouths open is hot. Double plus good if they eat (chew) their food the same way.
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Great artivle and nice layout for your blog – good job!
Here’s wishing you a happy (and smoke free!) new year
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feng shui home trade links…
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Yeah great article, and all that, blah de blah.
Its easy to ask ‘why would anyone smoke?’ if you’re a non smoker. The single minded pleasure that one gains from smoking by far overshadows any rational thoughts about self preservation. Thats the problem.
It has been over 10 years since i have had a cigarette and no amount of gum stops me from still wanting one. A person who has never smoked can never understand the pleasure (yes PLEASURE) a smoker gets from inhaling that bittersweet smoke into our lungs. It’s a feeling of such *satisfaction* that really runs a close second to sex. Cuz nothing beats sex.
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i quit smoking last year.. what i did is i don’t go on breakfast cuz breakfast for me boost my early morning smoking i turned the habit of after eating smoke so if i try not to take a smoke in morning so afternoon turned into non-smoking noon and in the evening i used sweet candy’s to really minimize the want’s of smoking…
sincerely,
geek05
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I never smoked but I did use smokeless tobacco for a few years and I tried the gum chewing method but I found it made my jaws sore. I did however find that placing a toothpick in my mouth helped with oral fixation all tobacco users suffer from.
Hilarious blog post!!
Cheers,
Jagger
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I would like to quit smoking but I wouldn’t use this method.
“Yet another reason not to quit smoking. LOL”
Or just don’t start with it lol!
Do these hypnotherapies really work? I’am very sceptical in all things going along with hypnosis.
Marks last blog post..The Pulpifier
Luckily I do not smoke, but my partner does. They have tried gum and it didn’t work for them. I cant believe people expect others to clear up their mess, especially as it has been in their mouth! That is just disgusting.
I would put a service charge on anyone leaving gum on restaurant plates. I recently sat on gum after my trousers were dry cleaned – I was not a happy bunny.
When I quit smoking, I bought a large bag of individually-wrapped candy bars. The kind you would by for trick-or-treaters at Halloween. I went through the entire bag in a weekend. Pretty gross, I know, but it worked!
there is nothing more disgusting that someone elses old chewing gum and left on the sides of plates eugh.
Success depends almost wholly on the smoker’s determination and will to stop. Without this determination, no anti-smoking remedy will succeed. But with it, a person can quit without paying for some expensive anti-smoking remedy.
I agree that when trying to quite smoking the will power is what needs to be strong, and product to ease the physical addiction does not stand a chance when the person mentally does not want to quit.
Maybe hotels should also have non gum chewing rooms or charge more for people who chew gum. I used to wrap my gum in napkin and throw it out but some people just do not care and put it any place they can hide it.
Way too funny
LOL This is grate, keep blogging Ill be back Thanks.
ROFL at the post…
and ROFLMAO at this:
And then, there’s the guy who posted a comment before me.
Poor guy, named after an inflammatory skin condition characterized by superficial skin eruptions around hair follicles.
Sidesplitting!