The Spam-Master giggled insanely as he fed keywords into his Spametrater Deluxe program, rubbing his hands together with glee. “This time I’ll make millions. Millions! Bow down before me, innocent bloggers! I will torment you for all eternity! Ha ha ha ha ha!”
Spam is like mosquitoes. Annoying, frustrating, yet you can live with the bastards by crushing them with your mighty Akismet covered Fist of Justice. You never get back all the time you waste hunting down the buzzing little menaces and squashing them like easily squashable things, though. All you get is the amusement and amazement at the contents of the spametry.
Some of it is downright unpleasant. I hesitate to even get into what these foul minded spamheads come up with, and I won’t gross you out by reprinting their mind excrement. Unfortunately, there are those out there looking for what they have, but that’s another story. Some of it is confusing. And some of it is ridiculous, like this one:
to: Admin – If You want to delete your site from my spam list, please sent url of your domain to my e-mail: blah blah blah (removed by me for security reasons)
And I will remove your site from my base within 24 hours
I just don’t get this one. The guy is basically saying, “I’m the a$$hole who sends you all this spammy $hit. You probably are enjoying it immensely and want to thank me. But if by some chance you find it inappropriate, rude or bothersome, simply email me and I will stop forthwith!” If you actually answer the email, he most likely sells your email address on the open market, with Sucker in big letters beside it.
A while back we celebrated how We Finally Made it to 1000 Akismet crushed false comments. Now, we are up to over 14,000 spamtastic comments deleted! And once, I published a little Spametry (yes, that is a word!),compiled from bits I scraped out of the ‘ole Akismet dumpster. I thought I’d pick a few more pieces for everyone’s perusal. Enjoy!
Elizabeth had pretending madness erased
Brock said the deathbed urges him
Witted with and whored
Settler named and crushed grim promise
Duchess were more spectacula
This became but suspicion, as John sipped his followers.