The Spam-Master giggled insanely as he fed keywords into his Spametrater Deluxe program, rubbing his hands together with glee. “This time I’ll make millions. Millions! Bow down before me, innocent bloggers! I will torment you for all eternity! Ha ha ha ha ha!”
Spam is like mosquitoes. Annoying, frustrating, yet you can live with the bastards by crushing them with your mighty Akismet covered Fist of Justice. You never get back all the time you waste hunting down the buzzing little menaces and squashing them like easily squashable things, though. All you get is the amusement and amazement at the contents of the spametry.
Some of it is downright unpleasant. I hesitate to even get into what these foul minded spamheads come up with, and I won’t gross you out by reprinting their mind excrement. Unfortunately, there are those out there looking for what they have, but that’s another story. Some of it is confusing. And some of it is ridiculous, like this one:
to: Admin – If You want to delete your site from my spam list, please sent url of your domain to my e-mail: blah blah blah (removed by me for security reasons)
And I will remove your site from my base within 24 hours
webmastegz
I just don’t get this one. The guy is basically saying, “I’m the a$$hole who sends you all this spammy $hit. You probably are enjoying it immensely and want to thank me. But if by some chance you find it inappropriate, rude or bothersome, simply email me and I will stop forthwith!” If you actually answer the email, he most likely sells your email address on the open market, with Sucker in big letters beside it.
A while back we celebrated how We Finally Made it to 1000 Akismet crushed false comments. Now, we are up to over 14,000 spamtastic comments deleted! And once, I published a little Spametry (yes, that is a word!),compiled from bits I scraped out of the ‘ole Akismet dumpster. I thought I’d pick a few more pieces for everyone’s perusal. Enjoy!
Elizabeth had pretending madness erased
Brock said the deathbed urges him
Witted with and whored
Settler named and crushed grim promise
Duchess were more spectacula
This became but suspicion, as John sipped his followers.
Spam is quite annoying. But, it’s not all that bad. I mean, I recently won the Nigerian lottery 4 times in the past 3 days, how lucky is that?
Just wait til’ I collect my money, then I will buy Gmail myself.
Dwayne.
http://probablysucks.com
Dwayne from Probably Sucks Blogs last blog post..Emailling A Spammer Experiment – Success
Ha ha! Those spammers are so stupid. “If you want to be removed from my spam list.” What’s the point of the word “if”? Would someone respond, “No, it’s okay, I like being on your spam list.” NOBODY wants to be on a spam list! My God the insanity.
Justins last blog post..Green Camo Right Leg Airsoft Holster
hi Tim,
I remember your post where you were so proud your Aksimet counter hit 1,000. Seems like it was just yesterday. I noticed the counter a short while ago when it was around 13000 and wondered if it was broken. I guess not. Looking on the bright side, it appears that the Redneck Bar and Grill is popular! I wonder when you’ll hit 100,000? Any guesses? ~ Steve (aka the trade show guru and loyal noble UV minion)
Trade Show Gurus last blog post..Spiderman War
Isn’t spam just all around annoying?! Spam is like mosquitoes…we live here in Minnesota, the mosquito capital of the world….how can we get rid of all this SPAM!!
Dwayne: Jeez, you are lucky! I haven’t won that lottery for a couple of weeks!
Justin: He obviously thinks some people like spam. It does make a nice sandwich, but isn’t so good on blogs.
Trade Show Guru: I’m guessing April. We will see…
m h for s:I feel sorry for you, living with all those mosquitoes.
The problem with Akismet is that it throws out a lot of good comments with the bad ones. But I guess that’s a fair price for filtering out all those spammers.
Rons last blog post..Macintosh Computer Games
I used to think all that was spam until I started answering them and ordering all of their products. Guess who now has a 9-foot-long penis?
CHEERS!
Canuckleheads last blog post..We Have A Winner!
hi Tim,
I hereby nominate Canucklehead for funniest Redneck Bar comment of November 18. Damn, I wish I could be even half that funny. Canucklehead’s amazing wit almost makes up for the fact that he’s the one buying all this s*h*i*… and supporting the spammers. We’ll just string him up, but we won’t shoot him.
~ Steve, the humor-challenged trade show display guy
PS. Canucklehead, that was funny, really funny
2 days not online, and I got 3 lottery spam mail. :doohhh:
DStudioBali SEOs last blog post..Busby SEO Test
Hahaha Canucklehead made me laugh coffee out of my nose. That is the one think I hate most about using wordpress – it seems to attract spammers like no other platform.
Pauls last blog post..Why Have Outdoor Christmas Light Decoration?
I would like to nominate Steve (the humor-challenged trade show display guy) for the commenter with the best judge of charachter and sense of humour of all time! The guy really knows the funny! Really intelligent and insightful, even though he no longer uses the urinal right next to me …
Canuckleheads last blog post..Of Love and Family
That is pretty amazing that the spammer would go out of his way to let you know he will remove you from his list. I think that has to be a first i’ve ever seen from a spammer.
Spam can be really annoying, I get spam on my personal blog and it can become a real pain, I was going to get Akismet but on a previous blog it sometimes blocked legitamet comments which became a pain.
Ron: I do my best to retrieve those comments and wipe the filth off of them
Canucklehead: You better get into the Guinness Book of world Records for number of times tripping over your !@#$ in one hour…
Steve: I couldn’t agree more. Hoist him up by his own petard, and such!
DStudioBali SEO: I get lots of those. I get at least 10 spam email a day. Most of my spam is in the Akismet filter tho.
Paul: We all got a good laugh out of that one. Luckily I had just put my beer down or I might have got it on the laptop!
Canucklehead: Steve does seem to know his humor. He is hanging out here, isn’t he
Taylor: I don’t trust this spammer. It must be a trick.
Dan: For some reason, Akismet always figures Canucklehead is riff raff and throws his comments in the trash. Fortunately, I check the bin for such mistakes. Dumpster diver, that’s my middle name! Well, actually it is Ronald, but that isn’t as fun…
Damn, I’m feeling slighted. I only have 1228 akismet spams caught. What am I doing wrong????
Petras last blog post..2006: Edward Gorsuch’s “The Butcher”
I hate spam so much. Most of them are just stupid anyway. They say stuff like great post and expect link juice!
I’ve been getting a bunch of this crap lately too. If there is a domain in the spam, I go spam the crap out of it too. Most of the time, it’s just an email address, so all I can do is send a cursing, hatred filled email.
aarons last blog post..Buy Cheap Eye Glasses Online: Smart or Not?
I love the spametry!
What a great idea.
Petra: in the last day and a half, over 1000 spam came in. That does it, I just installed a captcha plugin. Take that, spammers!
It would go nicely as an addition to your random household item.
Great Wall of China Facts: Great comment – expect some link juice for your troubles
Aaron: I’m not really into getting even, I would just like to slow them down a little. I’m getting so many now, that I can’t pick through them to look for the good ones that slipped through!
Janna: some of it might even qualify as art… I could give you some to put up for sale on your blog
Tims last blog post..Go Ahead and Back Up! Protect Your Precious WordPress Files…
That is a great post. The only fun I have with spam is from my relatives who are not so technically advanced and get all worked up over an email message about their ebay account suspended and please login to fix the problem using “this link”.
Sad that I find that funny, isn’t it?
Hahaha nice
Interesting and quite relevant article on spam. I would agree that spams can really be annoying at most times. Thanks.
I completely hate spam. As soon as I started to get listings on Google there has been a non stop spamathon on my website…
Spammers are so annoying!Thanks for sharing this post.
I especially hate those manual spammers whom even advanced filters like Gmail and Live too can’t filter. Every few minutes i get the message with they’re selling something and sigh. Internet is still not censored on them. It’s truely annoying.
It just goes to show that there is goodness everywhere. Even in blackest evil that is spam there is beautiful poetry to be found. You inspire me!
Though, I love the Admin’s that embrace it and screw with the peoples’ names/URLS. Don’t get mad, get even! It’s ten times more funny, anyway.
The main problem with spammers isn’t just that they don’t add value, they give the site a bad reputation