Spam-a-Lam-a-Ding-Dong – Spametry Lives On

The Spam-Master giggled insanely as he fed keywords into his Spametrater Deluxe program, rubbing his hands together with glee. “This time I’ll make millions. Millions! Bow down before me, innocent bloggers! I will torment you for all eternity! Ha ha ha ha ha!”

Spam is like mosquitoes. Annoying, frustrating, yet you can live with the bastards by crushing them with your mighty Akismet covered Fist of Justice. You never get back all the time you waste hunting down the buzzing little menaces and squashing them like easily squashable things, though. All you get is the amusement and amazement at the contents of the spametry.

Some of it is downright unpleasant. I hesitate to even get into what these foul minded spamheads come up with, and I won’t gross you out by reprinting their mind excrement. Unfortunately, there are those out there looking for what they have, but that’s another story. Some of it is confusing. And some of it is ridiculous, like this one:

to: Admin – If You want to delete your site from my spam list, please sent url of your domain to my e-mail: blah blah blah (removed by me for security reasons)
And I will remove your site from my base within 24 hours
webmastegz

I just don’t get this one. The guy is basically saying, “I’m the a$$hole who sends you all this spammy $hit. You probably are enjoying it immensely and want to thank me. But if by some chance you find it inappropriate, rude or bothersome, simply email me and I will stop forthwith!” If you actually answer the email, he most likely sells your email address on the open market, with Sucker in big letters beside it.

A while back we celebrated how We Finally Made it to 1000 Akismet crushed false comments. Now, we are up to over 14,000 spamtastic comments deleted! And once, I published a little Spametry (yes, that is a word!),compiled from bits I scraped out of the ‘ole Akismet dumpster. I thought I’d pick a few more pieces for everyone’s perusal. Enjoy!

Elizabeth had pretending madness erased
Brock said the deathbed urges him
Witted with and whored
Settler named and crushed grim promise
Duchess were more spectacula
This became but suspicion, as John sipped his followers.

9 thoughts on “Spam-a-Lam-a-Ding-Dong – Spametry Lives On

  1. hi Tim,
    I remember your post where you were so proud your Aksimet counter hit 1,000. Seems like it was just yesterday. I noticed the counter a short while ago when it was around 13000 and wondered if it was broken. I guess not. Looking on the bright side, it appears that the Redneck Bar and Grill is popular! I wonder when you’ll hit 100,000? Any guesses? ~ Steve (aka the trade show guru and loyal noble UV minion)

    Trade Show Gurus last blog post..Spiderman War

  2. Dwayne: Jeez, you are lucky! I haven’t won that lottery for a couple of weeks!
    Justin: He obviously thinks some people like spam. It does make a nice sandwich, but isn’t so good on blogs.
    Trade Show Guru: I’m guessing April. We will see…
    m h for s:I feel sorry for you, living with all those mosquitoes.

  3. hi Tim,
    I hereby nominate Canucklehead for funniest Redneck Bar comment of November 18. Damn, I wish I could be even half that funny. Canucklehead’s amazing wit almost makes up for the fact that he’s the one buying all this s*h*i*… and supporting the spammers. We’ll just string him up, but we won’t shoot him.
    ~ Steve, the humor-challenged trade show display guy
    PS. Canucklehead, that was funny, really funny

  4. I would like to nominate Steve (the humor-challenged trade show display guy) for the commenter with the best judge of charachter and sense of humour of all time! The guy really knows the funny! Really intelligent and insightful, even though he no longer uses the urinal right next to me …

    Canuckleheads last blog post..Of Love and Family

  5. Ron: I do my best to retrieve those comments and wipe the filth off of them :)
    Canucklehead: You better get into the Guinness Book of world Records for number of times tripping over your !@#$ in one hour…
    Steve: I couldn’t agree more. Hoist him up by his own petard, and such!
    DStudioBali SEO: I get lots of those. I get at least 10 spam email a day. Most of my spam is in the Akismet filter tho.
    Paul: We all got a good laugh out of that one. Luckily I had just put my beer down or I might have got it on the laptop!
    Canucklehead: Steve does seem to know his humor. He is hanging out here, isn’t he :)
    Taylor: I don’t trust this spammer. It must be a trick.
    Dan: For some reason, Akismet always figures Canucklehead is riff raff and throws his comments in the trash. Fortunately, I check the bin for such mistakes. Dumpster diver, that’s my middle name! Well, actually it is Ronald, but that isn’t as fun…

  6. Petra: in the last day and a half, over 1000 spam came in. That does it, I just installed a captcha plugin. Take that, spammers!
    Great Wall of China Facts: Great comment – expect some link juice for your troubles :)
    Aaron: I’m not really into getting even, I would just like to slow them down a little. I’m getting so many now, that I can’t pick through them to look for the good ones that slipped through!
    Janna: some of it might even qualify as art… I could give you some to put up for sale on your blog :) It would go nicely as an addition to your random household item.

    Tims last blog post..Go Ahead and Back Up! Protect Your Precious WordPress Files…

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