Have you ever thought about how you would like to leave this earth? What would you like as a memorial? Who would you leave your prized possessions to?
I’ve come up with an after death plan for me, just in case should I ever need one.
First, I would have to be cremated. Just make sure I’m dead. Hey, that reminds me of a joke……..
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Two hunters are out in the woods and they are walking along looking around for something defenseless to kill. Jim is having a lot of trouble breathing and is in really poor shape, probably due to his all meat diet. His friend Bob keeps having to wait up for him and is starting to wonder if Jim is gonna make it, what with his big fat belly. “Hey Bob, you sure need to lose 10 pounds,” he calls out jokingly.
All of a sudden, Jim holds his chest, starts wheezing and falls to the ground, no longer making any noise at all. Bob panics at first, then grabs his cell phone and calls 911. By some miracle, he actually gets reception out in the boonies. A woman on the other end answers, and Bob says, ” You gotta send help. My friend Jim had a heart attack and I think he’s dead!”
The dispatcher says,” Calm down, sir. The first thing you have to do is make sure he’s dead.”
She hears, chkk chickk, BOOOMMM. Jim says on the phone, “Okay, now what?”
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Where was I? Oh yeah, I was dead. Okay, next I need to be cremated and my ashes taken to the headwaters of The Mighty Horseguard River, right south of Horseguard Glacier. I know there’s probably some rule against it, but if my ashes were spread in the water, later downstream I would become part of the famous Blue Beaver Beer brewing process, which uses pure glacial runoff as well as many other esoteric and wonderful ingredients.
Then there would be a big send off in the campsite in the park, with beer and a potluck dinner. And a contest! Whoever could catch and ride one of the wild horses of Horseguard Valley would get my most prized possessions, my stuffed rat and my Bubbles Powerpuff Girl doll. My wife wouldn’t want to part with them, she loves them so much. I am sure, however, that she would respect my wishes.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I wish you a long life, many years of Blogging, and good relationship Bubbles, the Powerpuff Girl doll..
I wish you a long life, many years of Blogging, and good relationship with Bubbles, the Powerpuff Girl doll.. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Nice post, I think its great and more people should quit thinking they are never gonna die and do a little more planning for the inevitable.
OK, that joke was hilarious. I think I’ll pass on the doll and the rat.
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Cremation will make sure you are dead.
Just… you know, putting that out there.
Cremation, Bubbles Powerpuff Girl Doll… wow you’ve really covered all your bases. That’s sad, sad stuff. But good for you for planning ahead.
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We bought a house recently and part of the package that we got from the layers who looked over our purchase agreement was a will! I am only in my 20’s so I had never even thought about it! But putting together a list of your assets and a list of what you want done with all your stuff does make you think.
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So true. Cremation’s the way to go. Would hate it if I someday ended up part of some zombie horde trying to catch up to and take a bite out of the living…
Yep. I’ve made a will, chosen the music (Dark was the Night – Cold was the Ground by Blind Willie Johnson). I want it to be raining and I want there to be some professional mourners and lots of wailing and crying.
I just want to put it out there I WOULD NOT BE SAD TO SEE THAT FREAKIN RAT OUT OF MY HOUSE OR THE ANNOYING TALKING DOLL!!! Love you hon….
hey Tim,
When I go (no rush on that), I want a Viking funeral. Put me in a long boat with all my possessions and a lot of kindling soaked in gasoline, and maybe a fair maiden, and then set the whole thing on fire and push it out to sea… I saw that in a movie somewhere and it looked really cool. Maybe the movie was The 13th Warrior. Anyway, that’s my plan.
~ Steve, the trade show guru
PS. I fear your joke may be a little “insensitive”, at least to the fair maidens.
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hmmm id rather not think about me death yet, but as i read this blog, it made me think about it, and i have no clue what to do
probable write a will which i havent done yet 
I have never really thought of this. I should probably do so before its too late.
I lost it at “…..I would become part of the famous Blue Beaver Beer brewing process…”.
Beautiful image dude. My work here is finished. I’m hanging up my keyboard, going back to my embalming career.
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For most, speaking and thinking about their deaths are considered morbid. But for others, it’s just being practical as getting your own memorial and life insurance plan package.
That was a hilarious post, though.
Van
Thanks for sharing. I would also want to be cremated, but then have something remarkable done with the ashes. Anyone remember Hunter S. Thompson’s funeral? He was shot up with some fireworks. Or, I could have my remains jettisoned into deep space. Good joke, too.
I just saw a tv program where some guy was creamated and his ashes put into a fire work. My friend got me thinking about a old irish funeral where they sit you in the corner with a beer and throw a party. Then again he is irish and scottish and runs around with a bag pipe and a kilt.
Never thought about what it would look like after my death. Probably that it won’t be very important what will happen with my body after my soul is gone. But there is something that I am sure I have to tell something about – that after I am ‘gone’ I would like to have a cell phone in my cofin in case someone made a mistake in ‘diagnose’ of my state – can’t be burried alive, that’s sure!
Hey death is inevitable just like taxes but its a good idea to put some thought into what happens next. The truth is you only get to decide where your remains and belongings go to where you and your spirit go depends on….http://www.valleyministriesnz.org/ Check it out before its too late.
Ray
I’d love to leave in a blaze of glory as it’s been pretty dull so far
I did plan my death or if ever I did suddenly, that’s why my sister knows all my ATM bank account password so that she will have all the money I left.
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Azure – better watch your statements and make sure your sister doesn’t take a pre-death advance
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