A little while back (when it was all the rage) I decided to jump on the Atkins band-wagon. I have to say it was a pretty fun ride. Eating all that special food that everyone was making especially for us. The protein bars and shakes, the sucralose enriched chocolate cake, peanut-flavoured-soy-butter-spread. Best of all was low-carb beer that all of the breweries were making in order to take advantage of all of us suckers health-conscious consumers. I drank a heck of a lot of the Pale-Tail Ale from the Blue Beaver Brewing Company. One of my favourite meals to make was cooked low-carb ground beef, low-carb roasted red pepper soup and low carb pasta all mixed together with a little low-carb salt and pepper. Them’s good, low-carb, vittles.
Now of course the new band-wagon is to bash the whole Atkins thing. Everyone says, “After I stopped doing Atkins and went back to eating what I was before I gained back all the weight that I lost. So basically going that whole week without bread was pretty pointless.” Now all the idiots health conscious consumers out there just take some “all natural” pills that will make your body burn fat. So now you can eat all the crap you could possibly crave without any repercussions or exercise whatsoever. Of course there are a few slight side effects; nausea, heartburn, indigestion, vomiting, diarrhea, convulsions, permanent out-of-body experience, but that’s okay ’cause I can eat potato chips and pizza for every single meal and still lose 90% of my overall body weight with these pills.
Just the other day I was on the subway and I got to talking with a guy named Jarod about diets. Jarod from the subway was telling me he invented a diet where the only foods you consume are beer and celery. I told him that I heard about that diet a long time ago from a regular patron at The Redneck by the name of Jordan. Jarod claimed that his diet was completely different from Jordan’s because he was drinking Spoors Lite and taking a multi-vitamin every day. We argued semantics for a while, but I could barely look him in the eye, I was so disgusted by his choice in beer. After I turned my back we were able to have a more rational conversation about diet and overall health. I told him that I had found a sure fire cure all. It works on any virus, disease or parasite and even hypochondria and impotence. Placebos are the new wonder drug for the 2000′s. Side effects are pretty minimal as well. They may or may not cause any or all of the following conditions; telepathy, telempathy, telephone calls, telemarketing tendencies, teleprompting, telemetry or they may have no effect at all. Consult someone who plays a doctor on t.v. before taking placebos. Women who do or do not want to get pregnant should not take placebos at any time before, during or after sexual relations.
Jarod from the subway said that he ended up in drug rehab when he was 21 because he had become addicted to placebos. Then he enrolled in a one-step program; Step 1) Don’t ever take placebos again as long as you live.
Hi Tim, you have a very, very bad link in the middle of all that where you heard about that diet.
Anyway, I swore off placebos a long, long time ago and I feel so much better. Ever since I started using hard drugs, my life has improved tremendously (at least in my own mind).
RT Cunninghams last blog post..Living in the Philippines
Hey I like the idea of those “all natural” pills…I love chips and pizza!!! :0)
Is everyone concerned with weight loss right now?? Don’t you hate it…I do???
Cheers
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I HATE giving up carbohydrates and sugar, since potatoes and pasta are among my favorites, but I had to do it each and every pregnancy (gestational diabetes) and, whether I like it or not, it clearly works for me since I lost weight at the end of every pregnancy (30 pounds for this last baby).
However, I’m not willing to be stupid. So, if the choice is taking a pill that will make me crap my pants at any moment or being fat, I’ll take door number 2.
[...] How Can Low-Carb Pasta Lead To Drug Rehab? | Redneck Bar & Grill (redneckbarandgrill.com) – January 23, 2009The Atkins low-carb pasta diet is so last week. Now there’s a new fad diet. Also you can take placebos to cure anything that ails you, but you might end up in drug rehab. [...]
Thanks for the heads-up R.T. I think I have it fixed now; I shall have to be more mindful of that in the future.
hi,
that is good post.
I like the idea of those “all natural”.
than you..
I like this all-natural product idea. It is becoming like a revolution nowadays.
Hi Not to sure about the “all natural pills” you should watch a film called Requiem for a Dream really, shows all the great side effects of those kinds of pills.
Boy, do I ever miss my Irish diet, 6 pack and in my case potato chips. But the doc said if I didn’t lower my sugar levels I was going to have to begin shooting myself up daily with insulin.
Now, my wife feeds me salads and other “healthy” stuff until my next check up to see what will happen.
Even now I can smell a steaming bowl of pasta and my mouth waters.
I will take the placebo advice to heart and swear off of them for fear of getting addicted.
kevinjas last blog post..Diabetes Symptoms – A Bariatric Surgery Cure?
Great post and great article.
Here is to great content on the web!
Thanks, that’s a great post. All natural and organic foods are indeed the way to go in future. Cheers!
I will drink the beer you can eat the celery. If you like the drug route try one that your unconsious for days and not eat. This way you never know your hungry and loose weight.
If a beer is 150 callories and you want to loose weight then drink 2 beers for breakfest. 2 for lunch and 4 for dinner. I am sure you will fall a sleep easy and not know that you did not eat all day. Now you just cut your calories down like a diet and only had 1200 calories all day.
All natural is always the way to go.
I hope we can use this as a great example. I like this all-natural product idea. It is becoming like a revolution nowadays.Thanks
I remember trying Atkinsons diet for over a month. Instead of losing weight, I actually gained 4 pounds. Guess I was doing something wrong
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I really don’t think atkins diet will help. This is just another fad diet. You should stick to eating natural and organic foods. Follow this with a good workout plan and that should help with your weightloss goals.
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Well, beer (alcohol) just makes you even more hungry. Plus it dehydrates you. So that’s not the solution.
But yeah, some natural food supplements might help.
Nice post.
Hi Not to sure about the “all natural pills” you should watch a film called Requiem for a Dream really, shows all the great side effects of those kinds of pills.
I just got off placebos. Took me awhile and the withdrawal was hell. I’m currently using the point diet system where each food item gets a point value and you only have so many points per day so you have to pick your food very carefully. I’ve optimized the diet over time such that I don’t eat a single thing all day and then at night consume an entire 12 pack of spoors lite which gives me exactly the number of points for the day. Works great. I just have to visit the bathroom a little more each evening but I’m considering a prostate formula type pill for that problem.
Atkins diet is safe and far more effective than a low-fat one. It is one of the most popular weight-loss plans of all time. Atkins diet is to cut carbohydrates out of one’s diet in order to lose a significant amount of weight.
ajays last blog post..Atkins Diet Recipe for this week
I think it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the Atkins diet is not a great idea. Sure you get to eat bacon, cheese, and lots of things we know we shouldn’t have – but really, are you dieting just to lose weight or do you want to actually have a healthy body – because they’re not the same thing. Good article, though.
A few side effects??? Too funny! How about dumping the diets altogether? Placebos have been shown to be up to 70% effective – far more than ANY actual medicine.