Seeing as we are rapidly approaching the 2nd most romantic day of the year Valentine’s Day (Groundhog’s Day being the first), ; I thought I would offer a bit more relationship advice for men. We all know the basic paraphernalia of this time of year; flowers, chocolates, hearts, cards, lingerie and romantic dinners. However, let us take a few minutes and explore how to put a new spin on these boring old tired and true classics.
First, flowers. Instead of the boring and ordinary long stem roses, try something different; I suggest a Venus Flytrap. I saw a movie where a guy fed his blood to one and it became intelligent. Both you and your partner can feed your blood to it and you can say you’re feeding it with your love. I’m sure wonderful things could happen if you feed a plant with love.
Chocolates: well we all know that eating a whole butt-load of refined sugar is really bad for you. I would suggest that you give chocolates that have no sugar added; better yet give her some raw cocoa beans. Sure they may be a little bitter, but tell she’s so sweet she doesn’t need sugar.
Hearts: I think the most romantic gesture you could possibly make to a loved one is to rip your own heart right out of your chest and present it, still beating, to her. If you don’t quite love someone that much, the next best thing to do is present the heart of her greatest enemy to her (of course the greatest enemy of every female is time, but that’s a completely different story).
Cards: regular cards are not environmentally friendly and so we should all cease to give them out for any occasion. One option is of course the e-card. The other thing you could do is scratch your message on the side of her car or write it on the wall with a permanent marker; that way it will be a long-term reminder of how you feel.
Lingerie: as we all know giving a woman lingerie is really a gift for the man; although we try to persuade her that the idea is to make her feel sexy. If you give it to her on Valentine’s Day it’s pretty much a guarantee that she will wear it once before it ends up at the back bottom corner of her underwear drawer. The good news for the woman is that she won’t have to wear it for very long.
Romantic dinners: well guys, putting a candle on the table at Wendell’s or Burger Hut just isn’t going to be good enough nor is buying a supersized “sparkling white pop”. You’re going to have to take her out to a real restaurant where they have table service and real wine (Mad-dog 2020 is also not going to cut it). You’ll probably have to spend at least $20 on her. Just keep in mind you only have to do this twice during the year (if you forget her birthday there will be big trouble).
If you just follow this simple advice you will both have a “happy ending” to the night. Although in nine months time you could possibly end up having to invest in a double-jogging stroller. The good news there is that it’s a great way for a man to lose the weight he put on during the pregnancy.
this entry is such a “guy” thing. thanks for sharing!
lol…a good laugh is a a great start to the morning!!!
Cheers
Heathers last blog post..Soups On!
You just made hilarious suggestions for couples on Valentine’s Day. I don’t think I’ll ever try giving raw cocoa for a gift to my wife..
Thanks for making me laugh.
Chris
Hmmmm. Venus fly trap. Maybe you’re on to something there…
Javiers last blog post..Stephen Fowler | American Idol | Blind singer, piano player
Not to slam the heart gig, but it’s sort of overdone, don’t you think?
Now if you pulled out a lung you could tell her she’s the air that you breath. You might get points for creativity.
But it might interfere with the happy ending…
p.s. I’m so excited I got a real word for word verification: Weird. Isn’t that fun?
cardiogirls last blog post..The book of questions, Volume 28
Roses indeed seem to be the gift of choice for many men. Unfortunately, the vendors know this secret as well, and increase prices by tenfold..
Theos last blog post..Checklist ‘Mijn Website Is Stuk’
It is really good advice, I am very pleased, when I get good present from my boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, so I think. I will recommend him your post.
I agree, no more cards!
Saskboys last blog post..Vader Cake?
Sir: thank you for one of the most valuable and life-affirming blog posts to mention Double Jogging Strollers (wink, wink) in the last week or so.
I will copy it out in very small backwards lettering on a post-it note so that every time I look in the mirror before the 2nd most important day of the year I may have a silent affirmation of all that is good in mid-February…
My wife makes handmade cards and has a site online so If I order a card from her site, I will show that I’m caring and supportive, I have thought long and hard to choose something I knew she would like and It will be unique in that there wont be anyone else that has made their own card.
wow – great minds think alike aparently. once again, yours is much better. CHEERS!
Canuckleheads last blog post..Canucklehead’s Valentine’s Day Survival Guide
I’ve always tried to go against getting my wife the typical valentines day gifts. To each his own I guess.
nice post, this goes down the list of all your valentine’s standby’s. every guy should be able to find something here.
Oh sweet Lord I haven’t laughed that hard all day! I really hope my valentine gives me raw cocoa beans because they sound TASTY!
After almost 19 years of marriage, I will take what I can get. Which is to say, I will take responsibility for buying my OWN flowers, candy, and raw hot chocolate.
JD at I Do Thingss last blog post..I Get Hurt so you don’t have to
This is definitely the way to go. Thanks for sharing.
It is funny, I asked my hubby what he thought every couple would need that I could sell on my site in honor of Valentine’s Day…his thoughts were all zoned on “ways to keep the kids busy and out of your hair so you can actually talk to each other!”
Chelles last blog post..Ending Relationship Quotes
This is such a great idea
This post is just like it content. very Chocolaty, full of Hearty loving cards, lingerie loving men and most is a very special dinner…!
ok Im convinced this is the secret blog my husband writes while only pretending to be trucking the “still bleeding heart” sounds so much like something he would say,and I thought/hoped they broke the mold after him.
enjoyed the post never the less ,life can’t always be all hearts and flowers.
wanreys last blog post..Handmade Mothers Day Gift and Free Pattern
This post had me laughing all day long! ::LOL::
Morriss last blog post..Helping WikiPedia
I think that the best relationship advice for a man is to make dinner together with their significant other,open up a bottle of wine, and just enjoy each others company. Getting too emotional is ruining the underlying principles of being together as well as the holiday in general.
That’s so funny and any woman with a sense of humor will appreciate your inventiveness. However, proper “flowers, chocolates, hearts, cards, lingerie and romantic dinners” will still be required (except, for the lingerie, we prefer to get that ourselves, for obvious reasons) or the boyfriend will soon be the ex boyfriend wishing he could take it all back!
Every time my hubby go abroad, he always brings me some sexy and really hot lingerie. I really like the fact that he wants to heat up the chemistry between us.
Rachael Gellers last blog post..Rocket Theme
A great reminder to us men that we need to continue to feed and nurture our relationship – all the time – and you need to do it in ways that appeal to your partner. A gift of flowers is a lot more romantic than buying her a new carving knife
Pity your establishent is so far away from New Zealand, where I am, it sure looks worth a visit.
Jamess last blog post..How To Stop An Affair – Break Free From The Affair
Nice story you got!This really made my day!=)
I like your tips. Not sure your heart would still be beating in your hand after you take it out though. I’m a bit concerned about having to spend $20 on dinner next year.
Thanks for the tips. Chocolate works!
Great tip on the Venus Flytrap. I prefer my husband to get me tulips but I can totally see that idea being perfect for one of your readers to get for thier spouse. I really enjoyed your article.
Funny stuff and clever last sentence. First time I’m at your blog and it was a pleasant surprise to read your blog post – thanks for the chuckle!