I know I speak for a lot of beer lovers when I say that beer shouldn’t make you fat. It is downright unfair.
What we need is beer that actually uses up calories while you drink it. I would love to drink beer like I used to, but I just don’t want to pack around all that extra weight on my middle. It took months to get rid of that extra 40 lbs the first time and I’m not gonna just put it back on by drinking high calorie beer and eating hot wings! Anyone that could give us alternatives that taste great and don’t make us fat would be just rolling in the dough.
There are more than one negative calorie foods diets out there. We need to get scientists working harder on this and inventing some new versions of foods that suck up calories instead of putting on pounds. How about these new snack favourites that they are working on right now?
Workout Hot Wings- eat a 1 lb plate of these babies and the burning combined with the extra bathroom trips means you end up 3 pounds lighter! A special combination of extra hot, ultra aged peppers soaked in Castor Oil will have you begging for more – or maybe just begging for mercy. Serve with a side of Pepto Bismol.
Chunky Chocolate Browser Cookies- made with real internet cookies, all you do is eat these full flavoured delicious browser data chocolate chunks until you are stuffed to the gills. Then simply Clear Private Data and it will be just as if those internet cookies never existed. Who knew it could be so easy?
Styrofoam Peanut Crunch - now, another use for those stupid styrofoam packing peanuts. No longer will these environmental hazards be blowing around landfills. From now on they will be safely trapped in this new dessert fave. Utilizing the ever handy Styrofoam glue, and imported peanut flavouring created in industrial China using leftover toy parts, Styrofoam Peanut Crunch will have your tastebuds crying – hopefully for more! An excellent Christmas Gift for relatives that have already lived too long, I mean, that already have everything.
And last but not least, Reverse Osmosis Blue Beaver Beer. This full flavoured brew tastes just like the world famous Blue Beaver Beer you all know and love. Utilizing the quantum data gathered at the Condor Research Facility and Atom Smasher, scientists have entangled beer molecules with molecules of commonly held stocks and bonds. That means that as the stocks and bonds devalue and shrink, the beer molecules will lose their calories to the economic downturn. Drink up! Finally, physics and the stock market are on your side about something. Now who’s the biggest loser?
I guess these would make a good addition to our highly sought after redneck beer gift baskets. I will be looking into it for future shipments. So remember, when you’re feeling blue, grab a Beaver!
Ahhhh! A calorie-free, full flavored beer! Please! Work on it!
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Tim,
Yet another brilliant post.
I used to think if I could ever retire, for the good of the world, I’d work on finding a cure to the common cold. But now you’re given me a better idea, developing a negative calorie beer. Much more important I think! ~ steve, the trade show guru
PS. I curse those styrofoam packing peanuts too!
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Fuzzarelly: this one is top priority
Steve: Yeah, I’m pretty sure beer is more important than freedom from colds
Funny! The real sad one though is this… All food can make you overweight if you simply eat enough of it. I eat a very healthy diet. But because I love to eat, I am not quite as svelte as I should be. I think those of us that eat a perfectly healthy diet should be rewarded by being able to eat as much of it as we want!
Is that unreasonable!!!???
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If you find some let me know!!!
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HA! Those Chunky Browser Cookies are inspired. I use a similar method to the Workout Hot Wings when I eat pizza. I cover it in a layer of crushed red pepper. Delicious AND! requires many, many trips to the bathroom. Voila! I’ve eaten an entire pizza AND lost 1 pound. I’ve also burned a hole in my colon, but that’s a minor risk when you’re trying to lose weight.
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There is a low-calorie alternative. It’s called whisky. It’s only 225kcal per 100g. It also tastes better than beer.
Would have been more worthwhile than putting a man on the moon. My idea of a perfect beer would be one which reduces calories, still tastes good, and they pay you to drink it.
And to think I found this by Googling “Negative Calorie Beer”! Too funny. Shows that great minds think alike!
Let’s see…Grapefruit is a negative calorie food…can they make beer out of that? (grin)
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I would settle for no calorie that tastes great it would not have to be negative calorie.
I recently saw someone selling things called eCigaretts, which are metallic cigarettes that come with refillable nicotine capsules. So, maybe there is something like this for beer … ethanol and hops capsules or something
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I bet calorie free beer would taste really bad. Just workout!
Just make the beer run an actual run. a round trip run of about 2 miles should burn off most of the calories of a six pack!
Drink whisky. Lot’s of it. It tastes better and is lower in calories. And you’ll probably drink a lot less of whisky then you’d drink beer. It’s a win-win situation.
The great taste, less filling debate carries on and on.
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Ha! Bring it on! Maybe something so hard to digest that your body works hard and burns calories… That could be tough on the belly though.
Tim-
Man oh man, a negative calorie brew would be downright amazing!
Hopefully you’ll keg the “reverse osmosis” Beaver Beer so I can get ripped like Tony Little this college football season.
Just do me a favor and use standard half barrel keg shells only (those damn Coors-style kegs won’t fit in my kegerator).
haha thanks for the helpful post
I have negative calorie beer – for eey one I drink I have to spend 15 minutes longer at the Gymn!
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Hi,
I have never heard about the negative calorie beer.
It sound very interesting.
Thanks for the post.
This is a good news to all beer lovers.It is much good to drink negative calorie beer because you don’t have to worry of gaining weight on your tummy.
Negative calorie bear? HA! Whoever can make this will be worth a billion.
Negative calorie beer just contradicts the purpose here. The almighty ‘beer belly’.
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That’s just too funny! Maybe if something that really jacks up the metabolism is added so as you drink it it does a fat-burn thing in the background. On second thought…..
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I would love to drink beer like I used to, but I just don’t want to pack around all that extra weight on my middle. It took months to get rid of that extra 40 lbs the first time and I’m not gonna just put it back on by drinking high calorie beer and eating hot wings.
I’ve got an interesting fact about this: at moderate levels of consumption alcohol actually causes your liver to burn more calories in its attempts to metabiolize alcohol than you consume in the drink in the first place. So at certain levels beer IS a negative calorie drink.
However, its not that simple. Because the ‘work’ your liver puts in is different at different times of day and a huge array of other factors. So its not easy to find the right level of drinking. Add to that the fact everyone is different too…
like…I bet calorie free beer would taste really bad. Just workout!It’s a win-win situation.thanks……..
hi.tahnks for the sharing. Those Chunky Browser Cookies are inspired. I use a similar method to the Workout Hot Wings when I eat pizza
Oh man, negative calorie beer drinking? Sounds like it should be a sporting event!
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Ha! Negative calories beer?! Well, as long it has positive alcohol I am fine with that
Negative calorie beer and workout hot wings – I’m sold – if someone could please invent these we’d all be 20 pounds lighter in time for summer
)
What a great post – love it.
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Negative calories BEER i would like this and eat some negative calories food,great idea.
Man, if I had a negative calorie beer, that would be it for me. I’d never leave the house, except to get more beer.
Creating a negative calorie beer would more than likely result in the end of the world (so careful what you wish for!) Actually if this happens, it would probably taste about as pleasant as recycling your beer— I think I’ll pass on it!
I am in favor that. A beer with no calories “wow” any one know anybody at the brewery’s that could suggest it to the big guy’s??????
A beer with no calories would taste like water or as we call it in these parts gnats pee. And I suppose a beer that would burn calories would be called fire water. But somebody already thought of that a long time ago and it didn’t work.
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Well there is always lemon juice as an alternative for high calories beer. If you are worried about getting fat for drinking beer then I understand you are a regular beer drinker. Just keep an eye on that habit.
*sigh* Does anybody besides me remember the good old days, when we didn’t care whether our beer even HAD calories, let alone know how many?
Progress.
If they can make a no calorie soda, why can’t they make a no calorie beer?
Too funny! I can’t wait for those chunky chocolate browser cookies! You are making me hungry!
Nice wish to have negative calorie beer! Unfortunately unless someone comes with a great discovery or a great invention, it is practically impossible to have negative calorie beer. The term “negative calories” only applies to those low calorie foods that require more energy to digest than they energy they provide themselves. Negative calorie foods include broccoli, green cabbage, cucumber, apples, oranges, strawberries and several others. I do not think beer belongs to this list!
Maybe was just abnormally lazy but when i went to college I actually lost weight while drinking MORE beer. I guess its because instead of sitting around all day eating pizza and playing video games (err… studying) I was out dancing or whatever.
Best ways to control beer calories is not to drink any!
I know, you’re all shouting “BURN THE HERETIC”
)
I prefer wine. It may not burn the calories but it does not really add any either and a glass of red wine per day is good for ya.
It is quite tasty too!
I like a claret or a pinot noir myself
Negative calorie beer? Now that’s sweet! Can’t wait to feel its chilling comfort on my lips!
Negative calorie beer would be great! I would be 40 lbs lighter! Sounds like it would go great with the Workout Wings. I have tried the 55 calorie bud select and it isnt too bad. Cheers!
lol, keep waiting, and let me know if you find some and I’ll advertise it all over my site.
Cheers.
It would be great if someone could do this. ha, good post!
Imagine drinking a keg of beer and not worrying about the bulge on your tummy? That would certainly be cool!
Ha ha ha this is great I totally agree with you, they can make everything else so why not make a beer that reduces your calories, I guarantee it will be one of the best selling beers on the market, I am totally with you on this one