I would like to take this opportunity to call everyone’s attention to a growing problem that’s facing our society. There is a disease that is beginning to afflict more and more of the people who are near and dear to us. This disease hit young and old, male and female alike. I am certain that right now, off the top of your head, you could name three or four people who are suffering from this disease. I am speaking, of course, about Celebrity Alcoholic Syndrome.
You can identify people who have Celebrity Alcoholic Syndrome by watching for the symptoms: they eat cheeseburgers off of the floor, forget to put on underwear then expose themselves when they get out of a car, use racial slurs when arrested for drinking and driving, their shows/personal appearances get canceled by their publicist due to “exhaustion”. Also, anyone who makes out with Madonna has a very serious problem that needs professional help.
As you know; Dr. Drew, working alongside reality t.v., has been doing everything he can to try to cure the “Z-list” celebrities. However, he is only one man with one reality show. We need more celebrity “doctors” and far more shows.
To help with this important cause, The Redneck Bar and Grill will be distributing ribbons that can be worn on you lapel or put on the back of your car in order to show your support for finding a cure for Celebrity Alcoholic Syndrome. We want to get as many of our patrons as possible wearing these puke-green ribbons to help raise awareness. As well, The Blue Beaver Brewing Company will be launching a new advertising campaign; “When you’re feeling blue, grab a Beaver. But if you’re a celebrity, please grab your Beaver responsibly.”
I think I know a few people who have CAS, you are right it is fairly widespread. However, I think once they reach the racist rant state, it is often too late, even for the vast powers of Dr Drew. Definitely not a disease that should be taken lightly!
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wow, i had no idea this was so widespread. i think people really need to pay attention. is there a link for the donation page?
Cheeseburgers off the floor? Ah, man. I have CAS and I’m not even a celebrity! What the heck, man!
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I love celebrity alcohol syndrome. I watch it everynight on ET…especially Mel Gibson these days! I’m supporting the continuation of CAS
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Interesting that you would conclude that more celebrity doctors and TV shows are needed. Personally, I think there are not nearly enough celebrity plane crashes. It makes me long for the golden age of yesteryear, the 1950s and 1960s, when celebrity plane crashes were a dime a dozen. So many more worthy celebrities exist today, who could participate in such plane crashes.
That is way too funny. Do you mind if i post it on facebook. I promise to take full credit. just kidding. I really would wear the ribbon for fun but think we need more celebrity Alcoholics.
What would we do with CAS, or at least Dr. Drew for that matter? You could really levereage your Blue Beaver marketing campaign if you chose bumper stickers as your campaign’s distribution medium. Funny!
Your post is so funny, at first I thought it was so serious and after I have read your post I laugh and told my self is this man serious. Over all its interesting, nice post.
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I think people with CAS should be put down. Is that too harsh? I see them as injured dogs who are too far gone to be rescued and so should be put out of their misery. Not even Dr. Drew can perform miracles. Maybe only those who appear cured but somehow continue to show symptoms should be put down.
This post was really funny. I too think that CAS is spreading widely and we need more doctors like Dr. Drew to work on this disease. These patients should really be taken care of all the time. Hope they get well soon. I never miss this show on ET. Its a fun show.
I like the “wear a court ordered ankle bracelet and drink a beer” syndrome where the celeb is so arrogant or entitled that she thinks she won’t get caught.
I think celebrities with alcoholic syndrome should probably stop pretending they need help and stop running off to rehab everytime they screw up. They just enjoy the attention. Also, young teens shouldn’t be allowed to become celebs. They are CAS suffers just waiting to happen. We should just ignore them.
Celebs need to realise that young impressionable kids often copy what they do, wanting to be just like their favourite actor/singer etc. They are terrible role models who should be in the public eye.
I have supported you case.
Society, meaning us, made this abusive celebrities make such clinical excuses everytime they break the law or something. Ordinary citizens don’t get the same special treatment.
And I thought that I was the only one to notice this problem among celebrities. These people are supposed to be role models that our kids look up to and they are out getting drunk and driving down the road, nice. I think they should take a celebrity off the air everytime they are caught drunk in public, of course then there would be no more Ron White!