An amazing and fantastic thing happened the one day at this fast food joint. I hate to admit that I ate there, but I stopped to get a snack at this one place in Innisfail, Alberta. I don’t want to say the name of the place, but it has an upside down golden “W”, has some clown for a mascot, and rhymes with Frack-donalds. No, it wasn’t KFC, but good guess tho.

I was in line to order, behind a mother with two children. She looked like she might be around 28, and she had a boy about 10, a girl about 6. The girl was throwing quite the fit.
“I want the …….!”
“I can’t afford it. You can have the happy meal.”
“But I want the ……!”
“No.”
At this point, the little girl sat down at a nearby table and just started wailing, loud and high pitched. Everyone in the place was staring.
“I’ve had enough,” the mother suddenly said. “We’re leaving. Come on, Johnny.” (Not the boy’s real name.)
She didn’t even get to order and she was outa there. The poor little boy looked really unhappy, but he just glared at his sister as the mother led the way out. The little girl just kinda flopped a little on the seat and kept on wailing as her family headed out.
An older guy who was also in line, was really staring. Apparently he thought that the mother was in the wrong, the way he looked like he was going to run over and help the ‘poor’ little girl. He was heading that way.
The girl’s brother was staring in through the window, and the mother was standing right in front, by her minivan, waiting. It wasn’t like she was very far away, and this guy was going to interfere!
I was wondering if I should say anything to this trouble maker, but just then the girl realized she wasn’t going to order her mother around and everyone was looking at her. She shut up and left, going meekly to the minivan.
I applaud this woman! She did the right thing. The parents have to be the authority figure in the family. She didn’t hit her child, she didn’t yell or drag the girl by the arm. She decided, as the legal guardian of the children, that this girl would not be rewarded for her crappy behavior. She risked public condemnation from nosey losers who can’t leave parents alone. Raising children with tough love isn’t easy sometimes.
There are times when society should step in and help a kid out. Abuse, physical or mental, should not be tolerated. Also, building self confidence in children is of utmost importance. However, discipline is lacking these days and it shows.
If you are one of these busy bodies, and you are out at the mall, try to mind your own business. If you see some father pounding his child in the head with a brick, then sure! Step in. If you come across a mother about to drive off with the carseat (and baby!) still on the roof, get angry.

If my kids are acting up and I dare to tell them in public to stop and make them listen, you better stay out of my way or you will be next on the discipline block!

There was one occasion where we had to leave all of our children in the van for 5 minutes.  It was for a surgery, one of us had to get in right away. My 14 year old was there in the vehicle. He had a learner’s license already (by this I mean he was recognized by law as old enough to operate a motor vehicle on a street with supervision). He had his first aid course. He had his baby sitting course. He is completely qualified to babysit his little brother and sister, who were 5 and 7 at the time. In fact, a lot of young parents are less qualified!

As far as children being alone for a couple minutes, I see toddlers standing by the street in the suburbs all the time.  I narrowly missed running over a skateboard that a very small child had lost control of once. No parents to be seen, and no grannies reporting said parents, either. And you can’t tell me those kids buying slurpees at the 7-11 had an adult escort to the store. Those six year olds walked there through traffic on their own. At least my kids had door locks to protect them. And a good thing, too, or overprotective crazies would have broken in to ‘save’ them.

It was cloudy, and the van was parked right in front of a big building in the shade with all the windows cracked (this was in Red Deer, a very low crime place, so very unlikely to be bothered by undesirables, or so we thought). If Andrew, the older boy, thought he needed to get out of the vehicle because it was too hot, he could and would have. Amazingly, he has the common sense to keep from dying in the heat. But IT WAS NOT TOO HOT as it was a cool day. Guess how many busy bodies stopped to throw in their two cents in five minutes?
Three older personages. And they proceeded to wait there to make sure that we, as evil parents, got a piece of their minds. That’s because, in the olden days when they were young, they WERE PERFECT! That’s right, they were so much better at raising children than us!

I remember sitting in the car as a little boy with my brother, lets see, was it every weekend?  At least once every two weeks. We used to wave at the other kids in the other cars as we sat in front of the bar. That’s right, my mom and dad took us to the bar and left us outside in the car, along side all the other cars with children in them. Then they drove home after having a few. And then there was, what, EVERY time any kid went to town with mom to sit in the car in front of the bank? Children never went in the bank. We all sat out in the car.

So these people better not get in my face if they were of that generation, because I know it wasn’t just my parents. Maybe it wasn’t right, but they did it, and that gives them no ground to stand on with me when I make sensible decisions.  Go work on saving baby seals or something.

Just so you are wondering, there are no cars with kids sitting in them out in front of the Redneck Bar and Grill. I already looked.

I have had a few customers asking me, “Where’s Ernie? Who is this biker dude you have cooking in the back? Is Ernie gone for good?” And lately, I have been getting phone calls from concerned patrons who haven’t seen me lately either. Life has been more complicated for me, and less complicated for Ernie, so pull up a stump and I’ll let you in on our whereabouts.

Ernie has gone on hiatus indefinitely. He decided he needed a big change in his life, and went to live at a wilderness retreat in the Forest of Ubangme with no power, running water or internet. The only modern convenience he will have is a weekly shipment of Blue Beaver Beer, to be delivered by horse drawn wagon. I was sad to see him go, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. I told him he’s going to have to hike out and borrow the forest ranger’s laptop once a month or so and let us know how it is going out there.

Ernie whipped up a batch of salad before he left, and it was spectacular. Not quite to die for, but certainly all that and a bag of chips. Bacon and broccoli salad, with a tangy Balsamic tomato vinaigrette dressing.We had a little gathering at The Redneck to send him off, and his salad was a big hit. Apparently it is a great cure for yeast infection in dogs, although that’s just a rumour from Old Man karhoffer. I tend to let sleeping yeast infected dogs lie.

About this same time, I realized that my credit card debt was way out of control. According to my credit reports, I was headed for a major disaster. I have been frantically trying to keep up with all the Blue Beaver Beer Basket orders by purchasing on my mastercard. Now, it seems the card is indeed the master. In need of a quick fix, I took a job working away from home to make extra money on a major pipeline near the Alberta Saskatchewan border. I will be out here for a total of 60 days, working 11 hours a day. Hefty workload, but I’ll be out of debt in no time.

Meanwhile, some of you might be thinking, what the heck is going on down at The Redneck Bar and Grill? Is the place boarded up, with a couple hobos lighting fires on the floor and drinking all the beer? Of course not! Our buddy Robert Jones is working behind the bar. We found a cook to take Ernie’s place, and our waitress Jackie can handle most of you rowdies out there. I’ll be stopping by online to keep an eye on things. If you stop by, have a Blue Beaver for me!

Camping means different things to different people. To some it means roughing it all the way – hiking in five miles, lean-to’s made out of branches, sleeping on the ground, eating pork n’ beans right out of the can with your fingers after you smash it open with a rock ’cause  you forgot the can opener. Those people aren’t me. These days we use a travel trailer so we don’t have to sleep on the ground anymore. I have a lot of back troubles, and I need a real bed or I’m just not having any fun. We don’t have a television set or a DVD player, but we do bring our share of technology with us.

We spent plenty of time camping in Sebekia last summer. There were between 3 and 5 families each time we went out, meaning we had up to 12 children stampeding around the campsite. Add to that 5 dogs (good thing none of us has a dog allergy) and 10 adults, and it becomes a pretty busy place.

On occasion, we had to fire up the ‘ole chitty chitty bang bang, my antique PC laptop, and see what was going on out there in the real world. Thanks to the invention of the aircard, hi-speed internet can be found anywhere you can get cell service, even in our Redneck Paradise. I never take my Mac camping. It doesn’t like to rough it, even when I pack it in one of those special computer backpacks with extra padding and a gajillion pockets for extra goodies.

You can probably imagine how hard it is to fit everyone around the campfire. With all the kids crowded in there with their chairs, it makes for some excitement. As long as no one gets a flaming marshmellow in the face, or a a jab with a hot dog stick, we consider the evening a success. A couple of times we built two separate fires; one for children and one for adults. The toddlers stay with the adults of course!

Some nights the alcohol consumption is a little high. It’s amazing how much Blue Beaver Beer a bunch of redneck campers can drink! But most of the time we are a pretty mellow bunch of campers. We camp pretty close to home so that every couple of days we can all toddle off to our respective farms and make sure all the livestock and whatnot have enough food and water. We rarely go to a conventional campsite, since we like to make up our own rules and get away from all the other people. Our private campground is fairly isolated and we don’t have to worry about intrusive campers making noise all night and such. Unless we stay up late and do it ourselves, that is!

A couple weeks ago, I was driving down the Whitemud in Edmonton, Alberta. I was in the big city picking up supplies for our world famous Redneck Beer Gift Baskets, and was just on my way down to the Forest of Ubangme to get a new tiger torch for Ernie’s kitchen.
THis white full sized cargo van pulled up beside me with two young men, both clean cut but a little exitable looking. It was one of those vans that doesn’t have windows down the sides, just white metal and the barn doors in back. They were pointing at my truck and pointing to the side of the road. Neither one looked dangerous or overly large and intimidating, so being curious I pulled over and got out of the truck.
“Snap! Do we have a deal for you,”The driver said. “Come look at these babies we got in the van! A high quality sound system, real cheap!”
He opened the back door, and sure enough he had a few boxes in there, one of them opened up. I could see a high quality speaker in there, just like he said.
“Whatya think, man? We can give these to you right now for real low prices. I got most of a sound system for any bar in here!”
“Are these hot?” I asked, knowing full well they must be.
“Not really. WE ordered 1 set, and the delivery truck unloaded 2 sets at the warehouse, so we got an extra set. These are worth a pile. You can have them half price!”
I was a little torn. The Redneck Bar and Grill could use a new bar sound system,badly. And the price was right. Even so, stolen speakers and sound system components could only get me in trouble, and it was wrong.
“Sorry guys, I don’t need anything like that right now. If you give me your name and number I might get back to you.”
They just looked at each other, jumped back in their van and made a break for it.
I went on my way, sans stolen goods. But, they got me thinking that maybe I could use a new sound system for the bar. I decided to look into a set of pub or bar speakers etc.
I heard later on the radio, that a few warehouse workers in Edmonton. got busted for helping themselves to some stereo and electronics components.