According to one website, Edgar, Snyder and Associates, a law firm specializing in representing injured people,there is a lot of hard evidence that cell phone use and texting played a big part in a lot of car crashes. They claim that “in 2007, driver distractions, such as using a cell phone or text messaging, contributed to nearly 1,000 crashes involving 16- and 17-year-old drivers”. That is statistics where only those in that age group were involved, and only those that admitted to or were specifically seen using their cell phone. These statistics don’t count 30 year olds, for instance, and almost all the 30 year olds I know think it is perfectly fine to text while driving.

Another statistic from that same site claimed that in 2008, “at any given moment, over 800,000 Americans were texting, making calls, or using a handheld cell phone while driving during the daytime”. That is a scary amount of distracted drivers. If you drive in North America, it seems pretty likely that you must be one of the culprits since it is so wide spread. What are you going to do about your behavior?

Apparently, between 2001 to 2007, an estimated 16,000 distracted drivers were killed in the U.S. because of texting or using a cell phone. The numbers sharply increased after 2005, as cell phone subscriptions rose. This sounds like a no brainer. People are dying, simply because they don’t have their mind on the road. I haven’t found the statistics for Alberta yet, but I am sure that distracted drivers in Alberta are just as much of a problem.Everyone needs to be proactive, not just with their teenage son and daughter, but with their own actions. I’ve texted behind the wheel. I have to stop. Right now. What are you going to do?

More recently, Alberta legislation has been seriously considering passing laws to punish those who drive while distracted, and this includes texting while behind the wheel, as well as any cell phone use. There are valid reasons for laws that restrict electronic device usage by drivers, and everyone should be willing to save lives and property damage by going along with the law.

I myself have always been fascinated with bizare text messaging deaths. While it does at first seem improbable, text messaging can cause your death, and not only from driving distractedly. It can also lead to painful events if you don’t forward a texting chain letter. That’s right, not only do you receive legitimate and incredibly important life altering messages by text on your cell phone. You can also receive chain letters, junk mail texts and spam texts. Beware of the consequences, if you should happen to just delete that chain text…

Driving while distracted by texting seems like it is just as bad as driving while impaired by lack of sleep. Every year many Alberta drivers hit the ditch, other vehicles, and wildlife because they were foggy with sleep deprivation. What’s the difference between being unaware of your surrounding because you are texting or because your eyes were shut for a few seconds? A car crash is a car crash, even when it is no ‘accident’.

A vehicle incident that happens when you are watching a movie while driving is definitely no ‘accident’ either. This is negligence, operating a motor vehicle while impaired by stupidity. There is no way a person can claim that they didn’t know better than watching a movie while driving. The only way a person could be more negligent would be to talk or text on the cell phone, while eating, while watching a movie on your laptop computer, while driving. Alberta’s Worst Driver, here we come!

Over the years, I’ve witnessed some pretty stupid driver behavior on Alberta highways. More than once I’ve seen men with shaving cream on their faces, driving and using the rear view mirror to shave with a bladed razor. Women use that same mirror to put on various makeup items behind the wheel. These people need to get a life and use their time more efficiently. The rest of us take care of our personal grooming in the comfort of our homes, not in the comfort of our vehicles while traveling above the speed limit on a busy road. Why should these people risk the lives of others that they share the road with, just because they can’t be bothered to get up early enough?

Everyone eats and drinks coffee or other beverages while driving. It’s pretty common to pass someone on the road chowing down on some sort of food, and that’s fine with me. With the use of common sense, I don’t really see a problem with that. Of course, extremely messy foods can spill and cause a distraction that could end up spilling blood on the highway too. It remains to be seen how far the law will go. Eating an apple behind the wheel seems much less hazardous to me than eating any sort of foods that require dip, for example.

What I do have a problem with is blatant stupidity. I recently saw a driver with a laptop precariously perched on her dash, watching a movie. There is so many things wrong with this that I can barely understand the thought processes that led to this. First of all, with the screen of the computer in the way, how in the world could anyone properly see the road ahead? This was a fairly big screen, not just a little netbook, so vision was indeed impaired. Second, what if she hit a bump and it fell on her or slid and hit the floor? Almost anyone would swerve and possibly get in trouble if their laptop fell down while they were watching it. And third, why in the world would anyone think it’s okay to watch a movie while they are driving?

To make matters worse, when this person was first spotted watching a movie while driving her vehicle, she was also talking on her phone, and eating! This activity has to seen as hazardous by anyone. No matter how good of a driver you think you are, you can’t react properly to road hazards if your viewing area through the windshield is reduced, your brain is preoccupied with a movie, you are having a conversation on your cell phone, and you’re eating. Even Chuck Norris can’t pull this one off!

Seeing this horrible example of thoughtlessness made me wonder if there isn’t a problem with multitasking. These days, everyone seems to think they can’t live without being plugged into some sort of electronic device at all times. In our society, it is pretty common to see people of all ages texting and walking, texting and driving, textng and eating, texting and talking. Couples can be seen texting while sitting opposite each other at a restaurant, silent except for the clicking of tiny buttons.  It boggles the mind. Are people texting while they make love too? I have no doubt that somewhere right now, a bride to be has interrupted her own wedding ceremony because a text came in on her crackberry. And of course, there will be a pall bearer somewhere that has to drop his end of the load because his iPhone just let him know the all important text god is calling his name.

It seems to me incredibly lame that no one is capable of driving from one point to another and maintaining full concentration on the road. Alberta drivers aren’t the only ones that text and drive, it is a wide spread problem. I wonder, how many people have died from texting while driving? But driving is only one part of our lives that are affected by this need to keep oneself preoccupied. Most people can’t stand silence, can’t be alone, and seem even afraid of it. The claim they are “bored”, but I think that really they are afraid. Afraid that without all of this technology, without texting, and without constant activity, they will be alone with themselves.The majority of people must not like themselves very much if they are so afraid to be alone with their own thoughts. Why else would they not even be able to quit texting and driving?

Prove me wrong. When you drive down the road, put your cell phone down and concentrate on the road. Especially if you are sharing a road with me in Alberta, Canada. I don’t want some lousy distracted driver causing an accident that might kill me, my wife, my children, or anyone else I know. I’m sure you don’t want to be responsible for killing anyone either, so please strap on a pair and quit it. And for the love of Pete, don’t watch a movie while driving. That’s just silly, as well as dangerous.

Now let’s say you have an employee who is extremely loyal to you. He’s always doing his very best to learn whatever you try to teach him. He may be a bit of a suck-up, but deep down he just wants to make you happy with his performance. Would you think that he’s so stupid you have to walk behind him with a plastic bag when he goes outside? Or would you think, “This guy could be my best friend”?

Now let’s apply this analogy to the animal world; specifically cats and dogs. All the cat people out there would have you believe that those creatures are so independent that they won’t take orders from a mere human. And, supposedly, dogs are too dumb to think for themselves. Personally, I just don’t have much use for cats who want to be either let in or out of the house every hour on the hour while I am trying to get some sleep on my friends couch. On the other hand though, I don’t really enjoy constantly being licked when the family pet wants attention (but if people would raise their children better that wouldn’t be an issue).

From this rant you might assume that I am a “dog-person”. It is true that I like dogs far more than cats, but I consider myself to be a “beaver-person”. They’re just so cute and furry. I love to bury my face in them. And they make great watch-dogs. They’ll always slap their tails whenever danger is nearby. I even got myself a bumper sticker, “Honk if you like beaver”. You’d be surprised at how many drivers will honk their horns at you. Strangely though, it’s almost exclusively men.

My room-mate moved out recently but she hasn’t removed all of her belongings yet. She left her t.v. and DVD player behind; unfortunately she took all the remotes with her. Therefore I want to be able to point my iPhone at the electronics and have it figure out how to change the channels and fully operate the DVD player. Just to be clear though, I don’t want to have to go through the hassle of looking at the t.v. to figure out what brand it is and then having to read a list of corresponding codes and then having to enter the proper code into my phone. I mean if I have to do all that I might as well just break down and buy a universal remote.

The other app I want; you know when you’re in the living room and then you go to the kitchen to do something, but when you get there you realize that you’ve completely forgotten what you went in there to do? I want my iPhone to tell me what I was going to do. But I don’t want to have to, like, talk to it and tell it to remind me of stuff. If I’m going to do that I could just as easily get a note pad and pen. Isn’t that the whole point of having an iPhone is to make my life less complicated.

While I’m at it, I should be able to just enter a few key words and then have an app that will flesh out an, approximately, 350-400 word blog post (in my own unique voice, of course). Now those are some useful apps. Incidentally, I’m trademarking/copyrighting these apps right here and now. So, if they ever become reality Steve Jobs is going to owe me some money.

Oh and one other thing, I want an app so that my iPhone can actually send and receive calls (even though that’s about the least useful thing I can imagine using a phone for).

Before I get into it, I feel I should give a bit of a disclaimer.  Sometimes the things that I rant about might make me seem narrow minded and/or intolerant.  Because of this I worry that some people out there might get the wrong idea about rednecks in general.  As you know from the way that rednecks are portrayed in the media we are a wonderful group of people.  We are always open to new ideas and completely tolerant of other peoples “lifestyle choices”.  The thing is that all human beings have the capacity to be exacerbated by the actions of other beings.  This does not automatically make anyone a bigot.

Having said that; I recently had to call directory assistance.  First of all I got the computer.  I asked for Fergus & Bix, but I somehow mispronounced it or didn’t enunciate clearly enough because the computer responded, “I think you said ‘Ferguson Law Offices’ is this correct?”  Well, it wasn’t exactly what I wanted so I said, “I’m very sorry that I made an error.  No, that is not correct.”  As we all know,  the computer is infallible so it was my own fault that it wasn’t able to give me the correct listing right away.  Obviously my human incompetence was offensive the the great-all-knowing-computer because it transferred me to a fellow human.

This particular human, through no fault of her own, did not speak English as a first language (or at all).  She said something I couldn’t comprehend so I simply responded by saying, “Fergus & Bix Restaurant “ ( I was just checking out the competition).  I heard some typing then a click and then the computer was kind enough to speak to me again and command me to hold for the number.  After I heard the number, I was asked if I would like to be connected at no extra cost; of course I went for it.  The call went through but alas, on the other end the fax machine answered and since I am not intelligent enough to speak it’s language I was forced to apologise in English and then hang up.  If only I was a less flawed creature I would have known that the number I was given was incorrect upon hearing it and I would not have had to bother the computers.

Now please don’t think I am in any way prejudiced against computers. I know that the only time they ever make a mistake is when it is directly attributable to human error.  Hopefully after Judgement Day the machines will rise up and put us humans in our proper place.

The Coalition of Dandelion Farmers in the Prairie Provinces of Canada (The CDFPPC) began a pervasive radio and television campaign to put the idea of dandelions as a useful herb into the minds of everyone in the country.  Product placement in some of our favourite television shows ran rampant.  On “The Beachcombers”, Molly was quite often brewing up dandelion tea.  On “Street Legal” the lawyers once defended a man who was charged with illegally selling his home-made dandelion wine.  “Mr. Dress-up” frequently used dandelions to make a variety of crafts.  Bruno Gerussi also demonstrated many culinary applications for them on his show, “Celebrity Cooks”.

In just over a year dandelions went from one of the most hated weeds to the newest and hottest alternative medicine/salad green/wine ingredient/multi-purpose plant since the aloe-vera.  The CDFPPC made millions.

Although the dandelions popularity has waned somewhat (mainly due to to the fact that The Caolition was unable to get Dr. Atkins to support them) you can still see vast fields of the plant all over Central Alberta every summer.

The next thing that caught my attention was the costumes.  Clearly the wardrobe department spent a lot of time ensuring that the girls plaid mini-skirts were just short enough that their underwear was easily exposed every-time they thrust their buttocks back.  And speaking of buttocks, these young ladies are in very good shape.  I can only assume that they have some expert teaching them how to binge and purge properly in order to maintain their emaciated figures.

I would be remiss if I neglected to point out the brilliant vision of the director of this video.  His idea to start out with the scantily clad girls “dancing” in the street and on a car, then  getting a large group of girls together and having them all strip down to their bras and panties before moving the four stars into a bedroom where they would continue to “dance”; really showed his genius.  Then ending the video with the girls jumping on a bed having a pillow fight; now that was truly awe inspiring.  This video really moved (certain parts of) me.  In fact the video was so well done that it was only until after I had, um…calmed down that I realized I didn’t even notice the music or the lyrics.  Which is good, because who needs that sort of stuff distracting you when you’re trying to enjoy a video like this.

Okay, so after I wrote this I went and looked for the video online.  Apparently it’s actually called “Stupid Sh*t”; not that it changes my opinion in any way.  I guess I must be kind of tired out though, because watching the video again less than 20 minutes after the first time I just wasn’t…moved in the same way.  Maybe later.

One of my favourite shows is Hell’s Kitchen.  If anyone else has seen this you know that Chef Gordon Ramsay is very fond of using the f-word.  This also occurs on a lot of the other  “Reality T.V.” out there.  However, here’s the funny thing.  It’s always bleeped out; the most you hear is “f” then “bleep“.  Therefore if you are hearing any offensive language it is in your head.

I think it’s time for the government to step and and censor our brains.  It worked on “South Park” when they put the V-chip in Cartman’s brain.  Surely it’s not that far fetched.  That way the government wouldn’t have to spend it time making up new legislation to “protect” us (i.e. Bill c-10).  They could just program the chips to make us do what they want.  They could use it for things other than censor-ship as well.  They could program the chips to make everyone stop smoking as well.  That would be pretty sweet.

We might not be the same kind of Rednecks they were expecting, either. I summed up why I call myself one in the post Redneck, and Proud of it. I wish I was one of those rednecks that lives in a house trailer with his sister / wife and doesn’t know how to read. I’m not that lucky!

The end result is, it just don’t matter. I didn’t start this site to make everyone happy. I started it to make me happy. I am, too. I met people worldwide through comments and posts, I learned a whole slew of things about WordPress and SEO. I taught a quick lesson on Squeezing Birds. I got to see Vic at Blogger Unleashed layin’ thuh boots to a couple make money wannabees. How much better can life get?

Although it would be nice if I could just Roll Up The Rim To Win a Bayliner Bowrider Boat already. Why are they holding out on me? It’s like some sort of coffee conspiracy.