I know you thought that no one saw you, but I did. You were very careful. What you did should have gone completely unseen. Your backyard is fenced in and the neighbours on both sides of you were away at the time. You should have had privacy. Unfortunately, for both of us, I was at the top of a power pole, in the back alley, just a half block away. I saw everything; and not a day goes by that it doesn’t haunt me.

When I think back on it, I wonder why I didn’t do something. Maybe I could not have intervened directly, but I could have called someone. I suppose, at that point though, an ambulance could not have done anything. The fire department; well, it really wasn’t their…department (so to speak). The police, perhaps, might have made an arrest. Still, though, it was too late to prevent what had already happened. At any rate, I guess I was too much in shock to do anything but stare in horror and disbelief.

Now, no matter what I do I cannot get that image out of my head. I have taken to drinking in an effort to at least numb myself. But, of course, that only works in the short term. Maybe by writing about it I will somehow find some sense of closure. Maybe, someday, I will forget that I saw an obesely fat man mowing his lawn wearing nothing but a Speedo.

Now, I’m certain that if you just took a little time you would have no trouble at all finding a vast plethora of internet sites that will give you all sorts of (vaguely) useful advice on how to increase website traffic. As Tim pointed out recently while doing backflips for backlinks, you could always go on Facebook and join dozens of different “groups”. Then all you have to do is constantly leave witty comments on all of the pages and hope that some of the other members will go back to your page and from there go to your main web site where they will then do whatever they have to in order to for you to get paid and/or increase your traffic flow. It’s just as easy as that.

A lot of people out there are also using My Space as a place to promote what ever it is that they do that they wish they could get paid for; whether it be recording music, creative writing, live web cams, or proof-reading new dictionaries. Some people prefer this because anyone can access their information instead of just their 2563 close personal “friends”.

The only problem with these social networking sites is that they are highly addictive. You have to log on several times a day and change your status, check to see what your thousands of “friends” are doing right this minute, add the 12 newest applications, or attack a bunch of people with your zombie/werewolf/vampire/slayer/pirate/school girl. And you have to spend time visiting and leaving comments with all of the multitudes of groups that you have joined. If you’re really lucky you’ll still mange to get two hours of sleep every night.

One other solution is to make several videos that are somehow relevant to your web site and then post them on some of the 6052 YouTube-like sites on the internet. Again all you would have to do it wait for people to make their way back to your home page. I’m certain that within a few months your hits will increase by…eight or more and you’ll be laughing all the way to the virtual bank.

Pretty soon though, they’ll need to make some sort of a free drug rehab program just for Facebook addicts. It will most likely be a two-step program. Step 1: cancel your account and never go back there again. Step 2: leave the house and interact with real live people. (Just for the record that second step is not something that I would ever personally endorse.) Come to think of it there’s probably already a support group for Facebook addicts; you should be able to join it on Facebook.

This is a pressing question for many people who are working on hho hydrogen cells. Winter is fast approaching, and still no breakthrough on how to keep our hho hydrogen generators from freezing. We need to figure this out and pronto, or we won’t be able to use our hho generators until spring thaw. So, how will keep the water from turning to ice and freezing the housing, cracking it wide open? Let’s face it, folks. The answer could be just as complicated as passing the 2008 CPA Board Exam!

Some people have used regular automotive antifreeze, which naturally doesn’t freeze but also doesn’t make as much hho gas. Others have added methanol or ethanol alcohol to the units. The problem is that it is hard to keep enough alcohol in the water if your hho unit is hooked up with vacuum and the temperature of the water gets very high during operation. This can cause alcohol to evaporate off, and the lower concentrations can allow the hydrogen generator to freeze at night or when sitting.

Others claim that high levels of electrolyte will stop the generator or lines from filling with ice. I hope to test that later on this year. Without trying a few things after temperatures go below freezing, we won’t know for sure which methods work and which don’t. Hopefully we will be able to stop hho hydrogen generators from freezing and continue to use them to get better fuel mileage all winter.

Following Ernie’s lead on his video posts, I too decided to rely on the writings of some clever unknown individual. The following email joke ended up in my inbox, so be aware I only gave the math and figures a quick glance. This does seem like a typical redneck retirement plan, though:

If you purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock a while back, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron stocks, you would have  $16.50 left of your original $1000.00.

With WorldCom stocks, you might have less than $5.00 left.

If you purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left of your investment.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Blue Beaver Beer or cheap wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the aluminium and bottle  recycling REFUND, you would have around $45.00 in your hands.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to Drink heavily and recycle. This way you get some entertainment value for your money.

I’m pretty sure Ernie and I are heavily invested in this redneck retirement plan already. How about the rest of you?