Redneck Bar & Grill
Beer, Friends, Food
In November, Alberta legislature again discussed distracted drivers; texting, talking on cell phones, eating, holding pets, and any other activities inside of a vehicle which would keep a driver from concentrating on the road. In the near future, drivers will get a fine if they get caught driving while distracted. There has been a lot of people complaining that big brother is stepping in where he isn’t wanted. In some ways I agree, but the lack of common sense shown by so many drivers is going to result in less freedom for everyone. As usual, a few bad actors who won’t quit texting and driving, who won’t stop shaving on the freeway,and who won’t put their makeup on at home are going to wreck it for the rest of us.
Over the years, I’ve witnessed some pretty stupid driver behavior on Alberta highways. More than once I’ve seen men with shaving cream on their faces, driving and using the rear view mirror to shave with a bladed razor. Women use that same mirror to put on various makeup items behind the wheel. These people need to get a life and use their time more efficiently. The rest of us take care of our personal grooming in the comfort of our homes, not in the comfort of our vehicles while traveling above the speed limit on a busy road. Why should these people risk the lives of others that they share the road with, just because they can’t be bothered to get up early enough?
Everyone eats and drinks coffee or other beverages while driving. It’s pretty common to pass someone on the road chowing down on some sort of food, and that’s fine with me. With the use of common sense, I don’t really see a problem with that. Of course, extremely messy foods can spill and cause a distraction that could end up spilling blood on the highway too. It remains to be seen how far the law will go. Eating an apple behind the wheel seems much less hazardous to me than eating any sort of foods that require dip, for example.
What I do have a problem with is blatant stupidity. I recently saw a driver with a laptop precariously perched on her dash, watching a movie. There is so many things wrong with this that I can barely understand the thought processes that led to this. First of all, with the screen of the computer in the way, how in the world could anyone properly see the road ahead? This was a fairly big screen, not just a little netbook, so vision was indeed impaired. Second, what if she hit a bump and it fell on her or slid and hit the floor? Almost anyone would swerve and possibly get in trouble if their laptop fell down while they were watching it. And third, why in the world would anyone think it’s okay to watch a movie while they are driving?
To make matters worse, when this person was first spotted watching a movie while driving her vehicle, she was also talking on her phone, and eating! This activity has to seen as hazardous by anyone. No matter how good of a driver you think you are, you can’t react properly to road hazards if your viewing area through the windshield is reduced, your brain is preoccupied with a movie, you are having a conversation on your cell phone, and you’re eating. Even Chuck Norris can’t pull this one off!
Seeing this horrible example of thoughtlessness made me wonder if there isn’t a problem with multitasking. These days, everyone seems to think they can’t live without being plugged into some sort of electronic device at all times. In our society, it is pretty common to see people of all ages texting and walking, texting and driving, textng and eating, texting and talking. Couples can be seen texting while sitting opposite each other at a restaurant, silent except for the clicking of tiny buttons. It boggles the mind. Are people texting while they make love too? I have no doubt that somewhere right now, a bride to be has interrupted her own wedding ceremony because a text came in on her crackberry. And of course, there will be a pall bearer somewhere that has to drop his end of the load because his iPhone just let him know the all important text god is calling his name.
It seems to me incredibly lame that no one is capable of driving from one point to another and maintaining full concentration on the road. Alberta drivers aren’t the only ones that text and drive, it is a wide spread problem. I wonder, how many people have died from texting while driving? But driving is only one part of our lives that are affected by this need to keep oneself preoccupied. Most people can’t stand silence, can’t be alone, and seem even afraid of it. The claim they are “bored”, but I think that really they are afraid. Afraid that without all of this technology, without texting, and without constant activity, they will be alone with themselves.The majority of people must not like themselves very much if they are so afraid to be alone with their own thoughts. Why else would they not even be able to quit texting and driving?
Prove me wrong. When you drive down the road, put your cell phone down and concentrate on the road. Especially if you are sharing a road with me in Alberta, Canada. I don’t want some lousy distracted driver causing an accident that might kill me, my wife, my children, or anyone else I know. I’m sure you don’t want to be responsible for killing anyone either, so please strap on a pair and quit it. And for the love of Pete, don’t watch a movie while driving. That’s just silly, as well as dangerous.
A Horse Show To Die For (or From)
The other day, I went to visit my sister. She told me she just got home from a horse show. I knew from previous conversations that “show” in this context was a competition that she participated in. I asked if it was “horse-dancing” since I know she’s into that whole dressage thing. Apparently, though, this time it was jumping. She then proceeded to explain to me how some of her shows were dressage, some were jumping and some combined the two into a whole week-end of horse related frivolity. I did my best to make the expression on my face look like I was interested. She told me I should come and watch her sometime. Now, I want to be supportive of my sister and the strange things she does for fun, however that would be going a bit far. So, I told her the only problem with that would be having to sit through a hundred others just to see her perform.
Then I got to thinking about how you could make one of these shows more interesting to a much broader audience. Then I realized; just add zombies. When I explained this, she was skeptical. But I pointed out the recent trend in books: “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies”, “Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters”, “Android Karenena”. You just take something classic, add some monsters and voila, instant hit.
The horse can jump over an advancing “fence” of zombies. Then he kicks the heads off a couple of them. When a zombie tries to sink it’s teeth into the horse’s flank, he dances away to the side. You could have a whole course with zombies milling about. The horse either jumps over them or knocks them down and dances on their heads. Now thats a horse show I could really get into.
This Will Make You Go Gaga
So; how about that Lady Gaga? Isn’t she…something? To be honest I’m really not sure what to make of her. Her videos are just so elaborate and bizarre; whenever one comes on t.v. I can’t change the channel, I have to watch. The really strange thing, though, is that I can’t figure out if I like her music or not. I never hear her on the radio stations that I listen to; only when I see the videos which never fail to capture my complete attention. “Telephone” featuring Beyonce and “Bad Romance” are especially description defying.
Her newest one, “Alejandro” is a little bit more…less out there; but only by comparison. It still features some crazy costumes, like for instance a machine gun bra (come to think of it “Bad Romance” has her wearing some sort of a sparkler bra that sets fire to a bed and the guy laying on it; maybe the lesson here is: keep your hands off of Gaga’s ta-tas). For some reason, “Alejandro” reminds me of Madonna’s “Like A Prayer”. I think it’s partly the sacrilegious imagery and partly the overall sound of the song (which I am just beginning to notice after about a dozen viewings).
Regular viewers of Much Music’s Video On Trial will know that Lady Gaga is a “repeat offender”. I believe that every one of her videos been “brought to justice” at one time or another. The jurors comments are usually very crass, but still funny and even kind of accurate. One thing they’ve pointed out, that I’ve also noticed, is Gaga’s changing appearance. Sometimes she looks like a very attractive young lady and other times she looks more like John Leguizamo in drag. In “Bad Romance” she has at least three different faces. There have also been rumours about her being a trans-sexual; I don’t believe it though. She dances around in just her bra and panties in every one of her videos. I’ve examined these scenes very closely (just so that I could write an educated piece) and I certainly have never seen any sort of…evidence which would support that theory and lead me to become confused and question my own sexuality (like what happened when I watched “The Crying Game”).
So, Lady Gaga, your videos are like a proverbial train wreck; I just can’t look away.
Say, something just occurred to me. What if Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson did a video together? What would that look like?