Redneck Bar & Grill
Beer, Friends, Food
I Hear the Oil
Dear Ernie,
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Pondering at The Ponderosa
Dear Ponderous One,
I suppose you think that I will say it comes from cold pressing babies, and while that would be utterly hilarious it couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, baby oil comes from a variety of different cacti. Aloe Vera accounts for most of it, but it also consists of; Aloe Humilis, Prickly Pear, "Frosty Morn" Sedum, "Royal Flush" Cactus and Agave. Some of the more learned in the audience may be aware that the Agave Cactus is also the source of Tequila. It is a little known fact that the essential oils in the Agave are pressed out for the baby oil, then it is pureed and fermented in a complex process that eventually results in Tequila.
Dear Ernie,
Did you hear that?
Suffering Aural Hallucinations on the Moors
Dear Aural-Fixation,
I believe that I did hear something. I presume, though, that what you are really asking is, "What exactly did I just hear?" Unfortunately, this is a written medium and no sound comes through with your message (unless you were to record it on your end and then transmit an MP3 to me) so I can’t really say what it is that you heard. As for myself all I heard, just now, was the sound of myself typing and (very faintly) my roommate’s t.v. upstairs. I hope this helps you.
How To Be Uncool: Just Like Keifer Sutherland
A man in Martinsburg, West Virginia attempted to outrun police when he was accused of drunk driving. Unfortunately, his vehicle was not fast enough. The police, on foot, quickly caught up to the man fleeing on his riding mower. He was taken into custody after he refused to take a sobriety test and the police found a case of beer strapped to the front of the mower. Michael Ginevan, 39, was charged with fleeing while driving under the influence and obstructing an officer.
Personally I blame the Hollywood celebrities for this sort of thing. Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Lindsey Lohan have shown us that you can get away with only a couple of hours of jail time. And Keifer Sutherland is an even worse example. His "24" character, Jack Bauer, is the epitome of cool. Young people see him driving drunk and they think doing the same thing will make them cool (we all know how impressionable young people are these days). Well, I don’t think it’s cool at all. After a night out at The Redneck Bar & Grill when I’ve had a few too many Blue Beaver Beers, I never drive. I always ride my bicycle home; and I’ve only ever hit three pedestrians.
Pardon My Stench
Here in Alberta, the majority of communities have passed smoking by-laws which ban smoking in all public places. Of course the bar owners whined about the legislation before it passed, claiming it would stop people from going out. Clearly they underestimated the human desire to get falling-down-puking-stupid-drunk in a public place surrounded by strangers while crappy music gets played at a deafening volume. As far as I know the smoking by-law has not affected business at bars nor at bingo halls.
However, I think these laws don’t quite go far enough. For one thing, I work in a lumber yard and quite a few of the customers seem to think that because they are outdoors it’s okay for them to be smoking. Just yesterday, I was helping load up one guy with some concrete slabs. Due to the heaviness of these slabs it requires two people to lift them and because of the relatively small size you have to stand less than two feet apart. This particular customer had a lit cigarette in his mouth while we were loading him, so I was forced to second-hand smoke right along with him. I felt it was highly impolite.
There is another aspect of smoking that I find just as bad. I’ll be sitting in the lunch room at work, minding my own business and eating a sandwich when a smoker comes in and sits beside me. Although they smoke outside, they come in absolutely reeking of cigarette stench. It strongly impacts my enjoyment of the food I’m eating. Naturally, they can’t smell anything since they’ve just been inhaling all that smoke. They are oblivious of anyone else. Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that they shouldn’t have the right to smoke but I think that laws should be passed that would force these people to smoke in such a way that they don’t smell bad after-wards. I envision some sort of a bio-hazard type-suit with only an opening large enough for them in inhale and exhale. That should be sufficient. After all, what if I came to work reeking of beer, what would these people have to say about that?
Here it is! I know you’ve been waiting in line for hours for this chance to comment today, finally revealing yourselves. It must have been tough sitting on this chunk of internet sidewalk, waiting for us to open the doors. Well, here we are, October 3rd, so get in there and do your stuff. No shoving, now. You will all have your chance in the sun!
All right, all you lousy lurkers, this is your chance to come out of the woodwork!
Like I said before, I am going to link to anyone who comments today in a separate post, maybe tommorow. And wouldn’t you just die to own your very own backlink from our fabulous, world famous blog of wonder? Of course you would! So, delurk, you MOFO’s!