The Official “Ledy Gaga” Foolish Fan Search Destination?

Well it seems like the Lady Gaga juggernaut is still steamrolling its way through our culture, but it still makes me wonder, who is Ledy Gaga? Why are these individuals looking for Ledy Gaga ending up at the Redneck Bar and Grill?
Every day, searchers come to our humble site in search of Ledy Gaga. They find Ernie’s thought provoking post about the popular artist, Lady Gaga. He discussed her outlandish videos, her songs, the choreography, and of course his own reactions to these videos. But somehow I don’t think these searchers would be happy with what they found. After all, they were looking for Ledy Gaga, not Lady Gaga. And again, who is Ledy Gaga? Does she sing “Jest Dence”, “Allandandejero”, and “Puker Face”?
It is possible, I suppose, that these poor lost internet challenged souls simply typed ‘Lady’ incorrectly. Or it could be that searchers using another language than English are responsible for these results. Or it could be that there is another famous personage out there, Ledy Gaga. My own quick search, using the phrase “who is Ledy Gaga”, yielded mostly Lady Gaga results. But that doesn’t mean she isn’t out there. After all, every day someone types ‘Ledy Gaga’ into a search engine and ends up at the Redneck Bar and Grill. It just doesn’t make any sense. What do us Alberta beer drinkers have to do with it?

December 26, 2010 | | Tags: , , | 3 Comments »

Text Messaging Topics From Alberta

Over the life of this site, Ernie and I have written quite a bit about texting. I know that Ernie seems diametrically opposed to texting via cell phone, and has decided that he will never participate in such base acts of shameful and illicit communication. He made his case against it when he wrote about texting quite some time ago, and I have a feeling his viewpoint hasn’t changed much. I text on a daily basis, just like most Alberta residents.

More recently, Alberta legislation has been seriously considering passing laws to punish those who drive while distracted, and this includes texting while behind the wheel, as well as any cell phone use. There are valid reasons for laws that restrict electronic device usage by drivers, and everyone should be willing to save lives and property damage by going along with the law.

I myself have always been fascinated with bizare text messaging deaths. While it does at first seem improbable, text messaging can cause your death, and not only from driving distractedly. It can also lead to painful events if you don’t forward a texting chain letter. That’s right, not only do you receive legitimate and incredibly important life altering messages by text on your cell phone. You can also receive chain letters, junk mail texts and spam texts. Beware of the consequences, if you should happen to just delete that chain text…

Driving while distracted by texting seems like it is just as bad as driving while impaired by lack of sleep. Every year many Alberta drivers hit the ditch, other vehicles, and wildlife because they were foggy with sleep deprivation. What’s the difference between being unaware of your surrounding because you are texting or because your eyes were shut for a few seconds? A car crash is a car crash, even when it is no ‘accident’.

A vehicle incident that happens when you are watching a movie while driving is definitely no ‘accident’ either. This is negligence, operating a motor vehicle while impaired by stupidity. There is no way a person can claim that they didn’t know better than watching a movie while driving. The only way a person could be more negligent would be to talk or text on the cell phone, while eating, while watching a movie on your laptop computer, while driving. Alberta’s Worst Driver, here we come!

December 25, 2010 | | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Play Some Fun Drinking Games While Avoiding The Flu

Recently, I had occasion to take a road trip out to Hairy Hill, Alberta. I, of course, know exactly how to fit in in any small town in Alberta; so I thought I would share some tips with all of The Redneck’s patrons.  The majority of these tips should, most likely, serve you well in all small towns anywhere in North America.
The first thing you want to do is to make sure you’re decked out in your finest rockabilly clothing.  It’s also a good idea to act very touristy.  For example, ask everybody for directions to main street, or ask how to get to the hairy hill (even if you’re not in Hairy Hill at the time).
One thing you can be assured of; any community in Alberta that is officially village sized or larger, there is always a bar of some sort (often times attached to a hotel where no one ever actually stays).  I recommend you go in, order a bottle of Chateau Haut-Brion, 1959 and then start making redneck jokes.  This is guaranteed to make the regulars in the bar stand up and “take notice” of you.
If you’re there with friends you could start playing fun drinking games.  Every time you hear someone say “I reckon”, or talk about their tractor or if you see a guy with a belt buckle bigger than his wife’s purse; you have to take a drink.  But if anyone actually says he or she has to “go home and slop the hogs“, you have to slam your entire drink.
In no time at all you will have a crowd of people around your table who will be clamoring to introduce themselves to you.  You will be repeatedly asked if you would like to either “step outside” or possibly even “to dance”.  I heartily recommend that you accept all of these offers.  You will come out of the experience with memories that will last for a lifetime (assuming the brain damage isn’t too severe).
Of course you should be aware that travel to small towns is not recommended right now due to an outbreak of the H2N3 Virus; more commonly known as the Weasel Flu.  Symptoms of this flu include extreme lethargy: most people who come down with it just sit on the couch watching television and eating cold cereal all day long.  They also have problems speaking, quite frequently using improper grammar and sentence structure (I.e. they may say things like, “I eated all my cereal.” or they may just stick out their tongues and make a wordless noise).  However, if you ensure that you wear a surgical mask over your mouth and nose at all times, it will filter out 98.9% of the virus.

May 5, 2009 | | Tags: , , , , , , | 52 Comments »

I Just Watched My Dog Run Away For A Week

So a little while ago my Aunt Pollie was telling me that her law firm has just been swamped with land deals recently.  It seems that a vast number of people are wanting to move out to Saskatchewan.  Really, who cam blame them; the vast stretches of land that are utterly unobstructed by any sort of features like hills or trees (it’s a well known Canadian fact that all of Saskatchewan’s trees long ago migrated to British Columbia).  That sort of thing is really appealing to anyone who has recently undergone elective brain surgery.

There are a number of Saskatchewanians who believe that their province is starting to become the new Alberta.  The oil and gas industry is starting to take off, land is abundant and people are starting to want to go there and get a piece of the pie.  However, if Saskatchewan does become the new Alberta they had best get ready for an influx of foreigners who can barely speak the English language.  Yeah, pretty soon there won’t be anybody left in Newfoundland at all.  Next they’ll have to designate some podunk little town as New Fort MacMurray.  Maybe North Battleford can be their Newfie Reserve.  Lard T’underin’!

Just to assist any of our southern neighbours who may not be familiar with the subtleties of Canadian culture, perhaps this will help.  Alberta is in many ways similar to Texas, Newfoundland would be our New Jersey, the closest thing to Saskatchewan might be Nebraska which probably makes Nunavut the equivalent to Delaware.

July 24, 2008 | | Tags: , , , , | 8 Comments »