Well, it’s that time of year again. Time for the annual Horseguard Valley Stampede. This year is the 24 ½ th anniversary of the very first Horseguard Stampede. Back then it was just Old Man Karhoffer (at the time he was Middle-Aged Man Karhoffer) running an uncontrolled herd of Beefalo headlong down the valley.
Nowadays, it’s completely changed. A bunch of local ranchers run an assortment of animals headlong down the valley while hundreds of spectators watch to see where they’ll all end up. Unlike other Stampedes out there, all of the people in attendance at the Horseguard actually know the difference between a cow and a horse. They don’t just buy a cowboy hat and boots and call themselves cowboys.
This spectacle is great fun for the whole family. There’s all kinds of different attractions to take in. Local band White Noise is headlining the main stage. You can travel just a short distance away to the sovereign country of Sebekia, where you can see a breathtaking pyrotechnics display every night. The Redneck BBQ competition will go ahead with a vast variety of hot dogs and instant macaroni and cheese dishes getting cooked up as well as everyone‘s favourite BBQ-Rib-On-A-Stick. The senior Sebeks will be giving free Square, Round and Triangle Dancing lessons. There are many rides to go on as well; such as The Vomit Inducer and The Spin Around In Circles At High Speeds Until You Spew. Also there will be bungee jumping but you have to bring your own rope. For the younger kids there is a petting zoo with a blue beaver, a blue-footed booby and a rare blue lobster. There will also be free neck painting.
You can hardly believe that all that excitement can be packed into just 45 hrs. and 15 min. As always the entire Stampede culminates with the running of the glaciers. Dozens of people every year run in front of the glaciers that are hurtling down the valley. Over the years there have been a few unfortunate souls who got trampled to death. But if you are slower than a glacier (either physically or mentally) than you shouldn’t be trying to outrun one. Come one, come all to the greatest show on (the Horseguard Valley part of the) Earth. You won’t want to fail to not miss this; I assure you.
