It’s been so incredibly cold here that I’ve been drinking way too much coffee. By cold, I mean -35 degrees Celsius and a stiff wind, so around -45 C to -50 C with wind chill. This afternoon, it warmed up to ‘only’ -22 C and it felt warm. Winter won’t end soon enough for my liking.

Surprisingly enough, I don’t mind a cold beer at night even after freezing my ‘nads off all day long outside. The combination of way too much coffee and a few beer has been giving me sleep disorders. Note to self: no more coffee after 5:00 PM! And this time I mean it! Sleeping for 15 minutes and then springing out of bed is just no good when you have to get up at 4:30 AM.

You know you drink too much coffee when:

you can fall sleep with your eyes open
your eyes stay open when you sneeze
you find yourself chewing on other people’s fingernails (now that’s just un-hygienic! Unless of course they just washed their hands…)
you forget to peel a banana before eating it (Kpax style cuisine)
your taste buds are so numb you could eat sawdust with dirt sprinkled on it
you want to get a picture of a coffee mug on your coffee mug!

I’m not one of those gourmet coffee drinkers. I don’t own my own coffee roaster or coffee grinder. I just wish there was a Tom Norton’s around here. Unfortunately, the closest Tommy’s is 93 KM away, so off to the corner gas station I go to get my thermos of joe. Bottoms up!

Ah, Sunday. This is a good day to unwind a little, go for a walk, or visit your place of worship. that’s right, the coffee shop. It’s the perfect place to go the day after a night on the town drinking our favorite beer.
People flock to the java joint in droves around here. A lot of them go to church first, and stop for donuts after. I bet some of them stop on the way to church and get a cup to go.
Tom Norton’s is one of the most popular fast food franchises going. They focus on real coffee. No half-cafe decaff extra whipped sprakachino here. That’s right, they make regular strong coffee and they will add regular sugar and cream. This is why rednecks love the place. There ain’t none of that wussie sh*t here!
Another thing I like about Tom Norton’s is the drive-through. It’s always full, but it usually still moves pretty fast. This is the only drive-through where you can get in line with your big fuel guzzling suv, let it idle pointlessly for a few minutes, order a coffee and pay less than $1.60. Who knew it could be so cheap to ruin the environment!

That’s why the to- go thing is really wasteful. The vehicles running in the drive-through, the empty paper cups thrown away. But most of us don’t even think about it, because around here we are all rednecks.

Getting back to beer, though, it is a really good alternative to coffee. it comes in a fully recycleable container, either glass or aluminium. It is made from renewable resources. It won’t keep you awake because it has no caffeine. And it’s user friendly. Just don’t drink it on a Sunday immediately before or after church.
So drink Blue Beaver Beer. When you’re feeling blue, grab a Beaver!

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According to Statistics Canada, each Canadian drank 92 liters of coffee in 2005. Sounds like a pretty high figure, but let’s break it down. That’s 250 Milliliters per day, or one small cup of coffee. Your coffee maker isn’t even going to get a workout at that rate!
Now, since I travel roughly 50,0000 miles every year for work, and I drink coffee, I probably got over 2000 miles per gallon! That’s pretty darn efficient, eh? I do better than one of those newfangled energy drink, gatorade, coffee and slurpee burning hybrid humans.
Looking at the stats for beer consumption, Canadians went through 80.3 liters each in 2005. Now, come on, we can do better than that! Only .22 liters per day each? No wonder Ernie has to do more than his share to keep Blue Beaver Beer sales up. That’s less than one bottle of beer – pitiful!
So get out there and pick up some Blue Beaver Beer. When you’re feeling blue, grab a Beaver. Everyone has to do their share. Don’t force guys like Ernie to drink enough beer for you too.