I’m A Celebrity, Get Me A Coffin

So, I guess by now the recent deaths of various celebrities is old news.  But, I’ve been lazy afflicted with the weasel flu so I haven’t had a chance to comment on them until now.

The one that everybody is talking about is, of course, the “King of Pop” Michael Jackson.  His demise has completely overshadowed the departures of Farrah Fawcett and Ed (You May Already Be A Winner) McMahon.  Also, no one is talking about David Carradine anymore.  I suppose he’s last weeks news (literally).

Although the causes of deaths of Ed and Farrah are fully known (and therefore not at all interesting) MJ’s death is shrouded in mystery and thus is a huge source of “news”.  I do not care to speculate on the cause of him ceasing to be, however I would like to present a controversial theory as to the real reason behind all of the celebrities shuffling off this mortal coil at the same time.

As we all know,  Hollywood celebrities are completely bereft of actual personalities.  They only say and do what their agents tell them will get the common people talking.  They are also very fond of copying one another.  If Madonna buys adopts a child, Brangelina have to buy adopt one.  If Mel Gibson gets a D.U.I., Keifer Sutherland and Lindsay Lohan have to get one too.  If Brad Pitt sleeps with the nanny Jon Gosselin has to as well (Jon and Kate were barely even celebrities until they started having “marital troubles”).  Therefore, following this “logic” David Carradine died and it got everyone talking so a few more celebrities decided they should expire and go to meet their maker.  Unfortunately for McMahon and Fawcett Wacko-Jacko is stealing all of the thunder.

Now, I’ve already heard some speculation that perhaps Mikey faked his death; either to get out of some lawsuits pending against him or as some sort of over-the-top publicity stunt to promote an upcoming world tour.  Either way, if he’s wants to re-invent himself all he has to do is dye himself black and no one will ever recognize him.

June 29, 2009 | | Tags: , , , , , | 35 Comments »

My After Death Planning

Have you ever thought about how you would like to leave this earth? What would you like as a memorial? Who would you leave your prized possessions to?

I’ve come up with an after death plan for me, just in case should I ever need one.

First, I would have to be cremated. Just make sure I’m dead. Hey, that reminds me of a joke……..

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Two hunters are out in the woods and they are walking along looking around for something defenseless to kill. Jim is having a lot of trouble breathing and is in really poor shape, probably due to his all meat diet. His friend Bob keeps having to wait up for him and is starting to wonder if Jim is gonna make it, what with his big fat belly. “Hey Bob, you sure need to lose 10 pounds,” he calls out jokingly.

All of a sudden, Jim holds his chest, starts wheezing and falls to the ground, no  longer making any noise at all. Bob panics at first, then grabs his cell phone and calls 911. By some miracle, he actually gets reception out in the boonies. A woman on the other end answers, and Bob says, ” You gotta send help. My friend Jim had a heart attack and I think he’s dead!”
The dispatcher says,” Calm down, sir. The first thing you have to do is make sure he’s dead.”

She hears, chkk chickk, BOOOMMM. Jim says on the phone, “Okay, now what?”

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Where was I? Oh yeah, I was dead. Okay, next I need to be cremated and my ashes taken to the headwaters of The Mighty Horseguard River, right south of Horseguard Glacier. I know there’s probably some rule against it, but if my ashes were spread in the water, later downstream I would become part of the famous Blue Beaver Beer brewing process, which uses pure glacial runoff as well as many other esoteric and wonderful ingredients.

Then there would be a big send off in the campsite in the park, with beer and a potluck dinner. And a contest! Whoever could catch and ride one of the wild horses of Horseguard Valley would get my most prized possessions, my stuffed rat and my Bubbles Powerpuff Girl doll. My wife wouldn’t want to part with them, she loves them so much. I am sure, however, that she would respect my wishes.

January 14, 2009 | | Tags: , | 26 Comments »

Gary Gygax Fails His Saving Throw

Growing up my friends and I played Dungeons & Dragons, a lot (and just for the record I never once considered myself a geek). Those days have since passed; and now, sadly, so has the creator of D&D; Gary Gygax.

gary-gygax.JPG

Gygax started out playing miniature war games such as Gettysburg. His love of science fiction and fantasy novels combined with a fascination with Medieval history led him, and his friend Don Kaye, to found the publishing company Tactical Studies Rules in 1973 and publish the first version of Dungeons & Dragons in 1974. The hand-assembled print run of 1000 copies sold out within nine months. After the death of Kaye in 1976, his widow sold her shares to Gygax. Gygax, now controlling the whole of Tactical Studies Rules, created TSR Hobbies, Inc. Unfortunately,Gygax experienced financial troubles soon after and sold TSR Hobbies to Brian Blume and his brother Kevin. The Blume family would own roughly two-thirds of TSR Hobbies by late 1976. Tactical Studies Rules published the two first printings of the original D&D and TSR Hobbies, Inc. continued on with the game.

Gygax left TSR in 1985 when changes in management created a conflict. He formed the corporation Dungeons and Dragons Entertainment which eventually led to the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon series on CBS. Later on, Gygax created Dangerous Journeys, an RPG spanning multiple genres. He began work in 1995 on a new RPG, originally intended for a computer game; however, it was released in 1999 as Lejendary Adventure. A key goal of its design was to keep the gaming rules as simple as possible, as Gygax felt that role playing games were becoming discouragingly complex to new users.

In 2005, Gygax returned to the Dungeons & Dragons RPG with his involvement in the creation of the Castles & Crusades system with Troll Lord Games. Troll Lord Games has published Castle Zagyg, the previously unreleased, original version of Gygax’s Castle Greyhawk with the original dungeon setting for D&D.

Gygax died the morning of March 4, 2008, at his home in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin at the age of 69. He was in semi-retirement, having almost suffered a heart attack after receiving incorrect medication to prevent further strokes after those on April 1 and May 4, 2004. He was diagnosed with an inoperable abdominal aortic aneurysm.

I will roll 2d10 percentile dice in your memory.

March 13, 2008 | | Tags: , , , , , , | 6 Comments »