Soaring Fuel Prices Bring New Opportunities For Farmers, And That’s No Bull

With fuel prices at all time highs, many are looking at new ways to produce energy in an environmentally friendly way. One Central Alberta farmer has tackled the problem with a different angle than most.He isn’t interested in hydrogen or hho, he’s after methane gas.

Since Greenpeace successfully fought for equal working rights for cattle, no one has stepped forward to provide the bovine community with the employment opportunities it needs. Hundreds of steers and cows remain unemployed and stand about in their pastures dejectedly while the bulls get full time jobs. Mr. Jones has capitalized on the availability of bovine labour, offering the desperate animals positions in the new methane production plant at his Condor Area farm.

The Jones Ranch is located near Withrow, Alberta in the Horseguard Valley. Robert Jones had a traditional farm operation, but has decided to take a leap into the future with his new barns. A sealed, non-smoking environment was necessary for methane capture. Robert’s long time friend, Eddie Murphy, helped with construction costs as part of his mission to save the environment. Since studies have shown that cows produce environment-ruining methane gas, Robert and Eddie came up with a plan to capture these gases and use them for fuel. Mr. Jones has modified his house furnace and one tractor to run on the new fuel, and hopes that soon his ranch will be a net zero emissions producer.

The animals have a good benefit package, which includes free food in large quantities, free lodging, state of the art waste removal services and a modest yet competitive wage. They seem happy at their jobs, which entail eating, digesting the food, and passing gas. Mr. Jones provides a comprehensive health care plan with weekly checkups and medication personally administered by Robert himself as required. In some cases a specialist will be called in from the local veterinary service. “ I have relatives working in the bean and cabbage industries,” Robert admits. “ I get a pretty good deal on meals for my new workers. Things have been running pretty smoothly. The methane gas we capture here is sold to Atco to be shipped to the states for distribution. The manure goes back to the bean and cabbage fields as fertilizer. I’m glad that I am making such a difference to the lives of so many Canadian citizens, bovine or human.”

Looking for a way to save money on fuel for your car? You might be interested in hho fuel generators.

I’ve heard about lame-o bloggers who will invent a more exciting life, just so they have something to write about. Well, let me tell you, we never enhance a single word of our blog. Amazing stuff actually happens around us, so we don’t need to embellish. We didn’t even need any of these comedy writing tips!

Why, just the other day I was having a Blue Beaver Beer with Eddie Murphy and Robert Jones at the Redneck Bar & Grill. Eddie has been visiting Robert for years at Robert’s farm in Canada. I’ll have to dig out some newspaper articles about the two of them to share with you. Sometimes Elvis stops by and we have a plate of hotwings.

We were talking about that time that we had been abducted by aliens and forced into weight loss programs. It was a week that some can only dream of. If we hadn’t been rescued by that guy with the blue skin I hesitate to think what might have happened. We stopped those aliens from dominating the Earth with an amazing display of old school rock n’ roll, comedy and beer consumption.

Another thing. I know this one is hard to believe, but after listening to Steven Wright do standup one day, I realized that I can make birds levitate. Sounds weird I know, but if I see a bird all I have to do is walk towards it and concentrate, and before you know it it will float into the air! You should try it, maybe you have secret powers too.
Anyways, if you doubt my truthfulness, there is a simple test to check my veracity. Go buy yourself a Blue Beaver Beer. After drinking it I guarantee you that you will agree, it is the best beer that money can buy. So remember, when you’re feeling blue, grab a Beaver!