Better Than Facebook

Is there someone from your past that you have lost contact with.  Perhaps someone you went to school with or a former co-worker or maybe an ex boy/girlfriend.  Have you recently found yourself wondering what they’ve been up to recently or maybe how they look now.  Do you want to know personal information about them without them finding out that you’ve been inquiring?  Then you need to become a member of the brand new Stalk-Book.

With Stalk-Book you can find out where your ex is working now.  You can find out the home address of that cute waitress who wouldn’t even give you the time of day when you were working with her as a dishwasher.  Maybe you want to find out what route that hunky water delivery boy drives so that you can follow him discreetly to watch as he flexes his big sweaty muscles and bends down to pick up those heavy water jugs.  Join now to find all of these people that you could never bring yourself to approach in real life.

Basic membership is free.  All you have to do is provide your own personal information including; name, maiden name, former aliases, current address, last five addresses, last seven jobs, all schools attended, make, model and license number of personal vehicle as well as any company vehicles, and work, home and cell phone numbers. Your personal information is stored on your own page along with all the photos ever taken of you.  Our privacy policy ensures that your page can not be viewed by anyone that we do not approve as a member.

Anyone can become a member of Stalk-Book.  After your membership is approved you will have access to any other members’ profile pages.  You can search using any name you know the person by.  In some case you can also use descriptive phrases, provided there is adequate information.  For example: “that hot blonde chick who worked as a server at Shenaniganz from June 1999 to October 2000” will narrow down your options quite a bit.  However, “that hot guy I saw at the mall on Tuesday” is far too large of a parameter.

If you wish to purchase our Platinum Membership (for only 169.95/year) you will also have access to the regular times that other members usually take a shower as well as any and all videos featuring our members that have ever been uploaded.  At Stalk-Book we pride ourselves on being a better service for finding people without alerting them to your interest than Facebook and MySpace combined.

December 15, 2009 | | Tags: , , , | 68 Comments »

Facebook “Feeding Frenzy” Leaves Lonely Losers In Drug Rehab

Now, I’m certain that if you just took a little time you would have no trouble at all finding a vast plethora of internet sites that will give you all sorts of (vaguely) useful advice on how to increase website traffic. As Tim pointed out recently while doing backflips for backlinks, you could always go on Facebook and join dozens of different “groups”. Then all you have to do is constantly leave witty comments on all of the pages and hope that some of the other members will go back to your page and from there go to your main web site where they will then do whatever they have to in order to for you to get paid and/or increase your traffic flow. It’s just as easy as that.

A lot of people out there are also using My Space as a place to promote what ever it is that they do that they wish they could get paid for; whether it be recording music, creative writing, live web cams, or proof-reading new dictionaries. Some people prefer this because anyone can access their information instead of just their 2563 close personal “friends”.

The only problem with these social networking sites is that they are highly addictive. You have to log on several times a day and change your status, check to see what your thousands of “friends” are doing right this minute, add the 12 newest applications, or attack a bunch of people with your zombie/werewolf/vampire/slayer/pirate/school girl. And you have to spend time visiting and leaving comments with all of the multitudes of groups that you have joined. If you’re really lucky you’ll still mange to get two hours of sleep every night.

One other solution is to make several videos that are somehow relevant to your web site and then post them on some of the 6052 YouTube-like sites on the internet. Again all you would have to do it wait for people to make their way back to your home page. I’m certain that within a few months your hits will increase by…eight or more and you’ll be laughing all the way to the virtual bank.

Pretty soon though, they’ll need to make some sort of a free drug rehab program just for Facebook addicts. It will most likely be a two-step program. Step 1: cancel your account and never go back there again. Step 2: leave the house and interact with real live people. (Just for the record that second step is not something that I would ever personally endorse.) Come to think of it there’s probably already a support group for Facebook addicts; you should be able to join it on Facebook.

March 9, 2009 | | Tags: , , , , , | 52 Comments »

Hyperbole is the Best Thing EVER!

I have been noticing a curious trend amongst my Facebook “friends”.  I am certain that other people out there have experienced something similar.  Several of the people on my “Friend” list are in fact pre-teen children.  They, like everyone on the site, try to have a clever status; i.e. “Ernie is writing a new blog post” or “Tim is at home chillaxin’”.  Sometimes, though, one of the children will have a status that just doesn’t make any sense to me.  “Betty Sue is eating the best mac & cheese EVER.  Callie just had the best sleep EVER.  Now, naturally I would assume that these statements are deliberate exaggerations; however, I find myself wondering what if they mean it literally?  What  if they just ate the best mac & cheese of all time?

If you are 12 years old and you have just eaten “the best meal EVER”, what are you going to do for the rest of your life?  After that every time you eat it just won’t ever be as good as that one time.  Maybe, if you’re really lucky, you might eventually forget that you have already eaten the best piece of chocolate cake EVER after a couple of decades.  If you’re not so lucky…  I think maybe the only way to combat this would be to raise your expectations to a really high level.  That way you could say you ate a pretty good piece of pizza last night, but not the best one EVER.  Just bear in mind that if you eat/do/say/have a relationship with the best thing EVER early in your life, then it’s all downhill from here.

Update from Tim: Great news! I just located the Best Way To Quit Smoking Ever!!  Now we can help all those twelve year olds that were seduced by the Popeye Candy Cigs and moved from that gateway candy to “hard” candy, the real smokes.

February 19, 2009 | | Tags: , , | 29 Comments »

I’ve Got Meme On My Face

Well, it’s taken me a while to get around to this (the post writers strike t.v. shows have been starting to show up), but our Beer Buddy Canucklehead “memed” us a little while back. Apparently I’m supposed to come up with 8 random facts/habits about myself. Now just a little while ago I made a video after getting “tagged” on YouTube. In said video I presented Five Little Known Facts about myself, and I am certain that every last one of you has already watched that. So now I have to try and come up with 8 more. Geez, I don’t know if I’m that complex, but I’ll give it a try.
The rules:

1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.

2. People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.

3. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names.

4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’ve been tagged, and to read your blog.

1) On the odd rare occasion when I’m not drinking Blue Beaver Beer, I enjoy various varieties of Big Rock Beer, Warthog is probably my favourite.

2) Whenever I’m at an ATM, I deliberately think about numbers that are not my real PIN, just in case any telepaths are scanning me.

3) A great number of people who have seen my videos on YouTube have been wondering about something; so now I will reveal the truth once and for all. I have never had implants, my breasts are real and they’re spectacular.

4) I kind of, sort of, almost, don’t really mind the song “Dirty” by Christina Aguilera. Now, some of you have probably lost all respect for me and will never read any of my posts again, but so what. I’m not scared to admit to this, it’s just one of those songs that gets into your head and won’t leave not matter how many brain cell you kill off with hard liquor. Plus, the video is awesome.

5) I don’t use the word “frak” nearly often enough.

6) I suffer from a mild case of online-xenophobia. On sites like Facebook, YouTube, Blogging Zoom, etc. I will almost never add someone as a friend unless they”introduce” themselves and add me first.

7) Ever since I was around 10 or so; whenever I eat an apple, I eat the entire thing (core and seeds) except for the stem. It’s good for you, try it sometime.

#8) I found this meme to be rather challenging. Not that there aren’t hundreds of things I could tell you about myself; but what can I reveal that won’t send you away screaming in terror and leave you haunted for the rest of your life. I just don’t feel that The Redneck is that sort of a blog bar.

There you have it. I feel so exposed now. So, whom shall I expose in turn? Well, definitely Gerri (Absolutely True), and Tammy (Mom Knows Everything), then Corrina (My Random Blog), Cindy (Beads and Beading), and I would be interested to know 8 facts about Hari (Hari’s Corner) and R.T. (Untwisted Vortex) and most certainly J.D. (I Do Things). And I’m short one, but it would probably necessitate me making a new friend in order to get an eighth.

April 20, 2008 | | Tags: , , , , | 9 Comments »