Facebook “Feeding Frenzy” Leaves Lonely Losers In Drug Rehab

Now, I’m certain that if you just took a little time you would have no trouble at all finding a vast plethora of internet sites that will give you all sorts of (vaguely) useful advice on how to increase website traffic. As Tim pointed out recently while doing backflips for backlinks, you could always go on Facebook and join dozens of different “groups”. Then all you have to do is constantly leave witty comments on all of the pages and hope that some of the other members will go back to your page and from there go to your main web site where they will then do whatever they have to in order to for you to get paid and/or increase your traffic flow. It’s just as easy as that.

A lot of people out there are also using My Space as a place to promote what ever it is that they do that they wish they could get paid for; whether it be recording music, creative writing, live web cams, or proof-reading new dictionaries. Some people prefer this because anyone can access their information instead of just their 2563 close personal “friends”.

The only problem with these social networking sites is that they are highly addictive. You have to log on several times a day and change your status, check to see what your thousands of “friends” are doing right this minute, add the 12 newest applications, or attack a bunch of people with your zombie/werewolf/vampire/slayer/pirate/school girl. And you have to spend time visiting and leaving comments with all of the multitudes of groups that you have joined. If you’re really lucky you’ll still mange to get two hours of sleep every night.

One other solution is to make several videos that are somehow relevant to your web site and then post them on some of the 6052 YouTube-like sites on the internet. Again all you would have to do it wait for people to make their way back to your home page. I’m certain that within a few months your hits will increase by…eight or more and you’ll be laughing all the way to the virtual bank.

Pretty soon though, they’ll need to make some sort of a free drug rehab program just for Facebook addicts. It will most likely be a two-step program. Step 1: cancel your account and never go back there again. Step 2: leave the house and interact with real live people. (Just for the record that second step is not something that I would ever personally endorse.) Come to think of it there’s probably already a support group for Facebook addicts; you should be able to join it on Facebook.

March 9, 2009 | | Tags: , , , , , | 52 Comments »

Use A Double Jogging Stroller To Generate Web Traffic

So, lately I’ve been wonder exactly what the average lay-person can do to generate web traffic either for their own site or for someone else’s.  Well, first of all you need to ensure that the web is strong and large enough to support increased traffic.  Then select a browser that has all of the features that you think you might require.  Then decide exactly what kind of traffic you want to generate on the web.  Now there is an old song about how a whole herd of elephants went out to play on the web one day.  However, I feel this might be just slightly exaggerated.  They are very few webs that could support the traffic of more than two or at most three juvenile elephants.  Your best bet is really spiders and/or spider-like creatures.

It is quite a complicated process to just naturally attract more spiders to one web, you’re better off to go out and collect them from their own webs and then put them on your site.  Although it may be tempting to try and attract flies, this is not really a good idea.  They will simply get stuck and then you web traffic won’t be able to get around and the whole system will just basically crash.

Often times people will try to use a magnifying glass as a browser for their webs.  Unfortunately, they usually realize too late that they neglected to factor in the the angle of the sun’s rays going through the lens and the end result is a fire wall.  The other main problem with increased web traffic is the increased possibility of viral infection.  The web itself can’t get a virus but your spiders just might.  You will definitely want to invest in some manner or anti-virus.  On the other hand, sometimes it is beneficial to get your web-site to go viral; that way it can spread (in a good way) to a vast number of other web-sites around the world.

As for what types of spiders are you want on your web, there are a wide variety to choose from.  The wolf spider may be one of your best choices because it will go out and hunt.  That way it will help bring traffic back to your web.  The recluse isn’t very exciting, it will just stay in it’s house and not walk around on the web very much.  The black widow may help to attract single men to your web-site, but the drawback is that she doesn’t support repeat customers.  Many times it is just best to experiment with different spiders or even other creatures just to see what generates the most traffic.  One thing to keep in mind, though is that spiders have multiple babies at one time, so you might want to purchase a few double jogging strollers so that they can get out on the web with the children and get some exercise.

January 29, 2009 | | Tags: , , , , , | 40 Comments »