There was a boy named Andrew who lived in a Calgary suburb with parents who worked long hours and didn’t have enough time to spend with him. He spent most of his time playing violent video games and watching gory movies, to the point that his parents started worrying that he was going a little funny in the head. They decided to send him out to the farm by Caroline Alberta, with his lonely grandfather.

For the first couple days, he went with his grandfather and checked out the horses, cows and chickens. He helped move hay and clean the barn. He visited the neighbours. The grandfather could tell the boy was bored to tears without his video games, so he thought of a new activity.
“There’s no-one around for miles, Andrew. Why don’t you take a gun and my dogs, and go shooting?”

Andrew eagerly headed out with the two prize hunting dogs and a rifle. His grandfather worked away by himself, happy that the boy would be occupied.

Andrew returned later that day. “How was the shooting?” asked the grandfather.
“Great!” he replied. “Got any more dogs?”

Hey, I hope RT and Steve can take a joke!

Steve the Trade Show Guru and RT from the Philippines are  hiking in Texas in a dry, desert  valley. They are quite some ways from the road and not even sure what they are doing so far from civilization. Steve kneels down to tie his shoe near some cactus, and a rattlesnake that was hiding there bites him right on the junk. That is to say, in a very delicate area.
“RT, I’ve been bit!” he yells. “I feel cold. Do something!”

“I’ll phone for help,” RT says. He quickly gets out his cell phone and calls 911. He walks a little distance away from Steve so he can concentrate on his call.
The dispatcher gets some information, lets him know paramedics will eventually arrive, and patches him through to a doctor. “You’ll never maker it to town in time, and the ambulance is too far away,” the worried doctor tells him. “You’re going to have to improvise. Now can you handle this?” When RT says he thinks he can, The doctor gives him these instructions: “I want you to strip the clothing off, make a small incision, and suck the poison out by mouth until help arrives.”

RT walks back over to Steve. “What did they say?” Steve said, in obvious pain and very distressed.
“They said you’re gonna die,” RT replied.

One night an RCMP officer waited a little ways away from the parking lot of the Redneck Bar and Grill to see if anyone was going to try driving home after tanking up on Blue Beaver Beer. For the longest time, only a few regulars went into the joint but no one came out at all. Around the time that things should’ve been winding down, one cowboy type wobbled out and wandered around looking for his truck. After trying the keys in three he finally located a Dodge one ton dually and got in. The officer couldn’t believe how long it took the guy to get the truck fired up. One by one, all the other regulars of the Redneck Bar and Grill cleared out. The guy was the last one in the lot when he got his truck running and started down the dirt road.

The RCMP officer pulled him over, took his registration and insurance and gave him a breathalyzer. When the guy passed with no alcohol in his system, the officer asked him what the heck was up.

“I’m the designated decoy, “ the man admitted.

John was having this great dream. It started out with a night on the town, drinking Blue Beaver Beer with two hot blondes at the Redneck Bar and Grill. They played pool and Buck Hunter and drank more beer until the place shut down.

John was just getting ready to take the two blondes home with him when waves crashing on to the shore rudely pulled him back to reality. With a start he remembered the yacht trip, how they encountered the storm, and how they had abandoned ship in the middle of the night. The rest was a blur.

He was now on a tropical beach with jungle in the background. No one else could be seen. It was just like a scene out of Lost or the movie Castaway. It looked like John was going to be camping it out in paradise.

While sitting on the sand getting his bearings he noticed his hands were purple. He looked at his feet and they were purple. In a panic he opened his shirt and his chest and stomach were purple. He looked to the sky and yelled, “Oh my God! I’ve been marooned!”