I would like to take this opportunity to call everyone’s attention to a growing problem that’s facing our society. There is a disease that is beginning to afflict more and more of the people who are near and dear to us. This disease hit young and old, male and female alike. I am certain that right now, off the top of your head, you could name three or four people who are suffering from this disease. I am speaking, of course, about Celebrity Alcoholic Syndrome.
You can identify people who have Celebrity Alcoholic Syndrome by watching for the symptoms: they eat cheeseburgers off of the floor, forget to put on underwear then expose themselves when they get out of a car, use racial slurs when arrested for drinking and driving, their shows/personal appearances get canceled by their publicist due to “exhaustion”. Also, anyone who makes out with Madonna has a very serious problem that needs professional help.
As you know; Dr. Drew, working alongside reality t.v., has been doing everything he can to try to cure the “Z-list” celebrities. However, he is only one man with one reality show. We need more celebrity “doctors” and far more shows.
To help with this important cause, The Redneck Bar and Grill will be distributing ribbons that can be worn on you lapel or put on the back of your car in order to show your support for finding a cure for Celebrity Alcoholic Syndrome. We want to get as many of our patrons as possible wearing these puke-green ribbons to help raise awareness. As well, The Blue Beaver Brewing Company will be launching a new advertising campaign; “When you’re feeling blue, grab a Beaver. But if you’re a celebrity, please grab your Beaver responsibly.”