I’m certain everyone is aware that Monday nights at the Redneck we have our weekly Bar-room Brawls. The event has grown considerably since it first started and we have had to make a few changes. First of all our tag-team champions, Tammy-The-Mom-Who-Knows-Everything and The-Absolutely-True-Gerri, retired undefeated. They decided that since no one could beat them, it was only fair to let someone else have a fighting chance. Every now and again though, they dullen up their trusty-rusty knives and step back into the ring just to knock the current champions down a notch.
In addition we decided it was best to build a separate area adjacent to the bar. Known as the Medium Round Gardens, the arena can seat 12 with standing room for 5 more and it has been filled to capacity on more than one occasion. It started out as just a tent on the lawn, but all those people tramping around combined with all of the actual fighting really tore up the grass. That’s why we made the decision to instal synthetic grass. Seeing as it is much more resilient than the real stuff it really stands up to the pounding it takes on a weekly basis.
Since we built the arena we felt it would probably be best if we diversified a bit and found some other uses for it. From time to time we book concerts, both White Noise and Flailed Cabbage were complete sell outs (the shows, I mean, not the bands themselves). We also have had a few guest speakers. In fact just last week we had two speakers come in for a special pre-Valentine’s Day seminar. Both speakers offered their unique relationship advice for men.
I don’t want to give too much away (because I might get sued) but I want to offer some review/preview of what you can expect if you ever have the chance to attend one of their seminars. Anne-Michelle Smythe said that if you are a rich, older man you should very seriously consider marrying a women in her early twenties. She will do things for you on your honeymoon that you will remember until your dying day. In fact she will most likely continue to do such things until your dying day. On the other side of the spectrum, Bernie Wedgeman has been married four times and now is a self-described “born again bachelor”. He advises that you really can buy love and purchasing it by the hour is far more affordable than paying for it for the rest of your life.
Personally, I am still hoping to get Larry Winget to do his seminar here at the Redneck. He claims he can prove that “People Are Idiots”. I would sure like to know more on that subject. Soon I am sure that we will find even more uses for the Medium Round Gardens maybe we could host the UFC sometime; you know the Under Foot Children.
