Play Some Fun Drinking Games While Avoiding The Flu

Ernie — Wed, 06 May 2009 00:39:17 +0000

Recently, I had occasion to take a road trip out to Hairy Hill, Alberta. I, of course, know exactly how to fit in in any small town in Alberta; so I thought I would share some tips with all of The Redneck’s patrons. The majority of these tips should, most likely, serve you well in all small towns anywhere in North America.
The first thing you want to do is to make sure you’re decked out in your finest rockabilly clothing. It’s also a good idea to act very touristy. For example, ask everybody for directions to main street, or ask how to get to the hairy hill (even if you’re not in Hairy Hill at the time).
One thing you can be assured of; any community in Alberta that is officially village sized or larger, there is always a bar of some sort (often times attached to a hotel where no one ever actually stays). I recommend you go in, order a bottle of Chateau Haut-Brion, 1959 and then start making redneck jokes. This is guaranteed to make the regulars in the bar stand up and “take notice” of you.
If you’re there with friends you could start playing fun drinking games. Every time you hear someone say “I reckon”, or talk about their tractor or if you see a guy with a belt buckle bigger than his wife’s purse; you have to take a drink. But if anyone actually says he or she has to “go home and slop the hogs“, you have to slam your entire drink.
In no time at all you will have a crowd of people around your table who will be clamoring to introduce themselves to you. You will be repeatedly asked if you would like to either “step outside” or possibly even “to dance”. I heartily recommend that you accept all of these offers. You will come out of the experience with memories that will last for a lifetime (assuming the brain damage isn’t too severe).
Of course you should be aware that travel to small towns is not recommended right now due to an outbreak of the H2N3 Virus; more commonly known as the Weasel Flu. Symptoms of this flu include extreme lethargy: most people who come down with it just sit on the couch watching television and eating cold cereal all day long. They also have problems speaking, quite frequently using improper grammar and sentence structure (I.e. they may say things like, “I eated all my cereal.” or they may just stick out their tongues and make a wordless noise). However, if you ensure that you wear a surgical mask over your mouth and nose at all times, it will filter out 98.9% of the virus.

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Play Some Fun Drinking Games While Avoiding The Flu