The Truth Sets You Free. Always Write The Truth!

I’ve heard about lame-o bloggers who will invent a more exciting life, just so they have something to write about. Well, let me tell you, we never enhance a single word of our blog. Amazing stuff actually happens around us, so we don’t need to embellish. We didn’t even need any of these comedy writing tips!

Why, just the other day I was having a Blue Beaver Beer with Eddie Murphy and Robert Jones at the Redneck Bar & Grill. Eddie has been visiting Robert for years at Robert’s farm in Canada. I’ll have to dig out some newspaper articles about the two of them to share with you. Sometimes Elvis stops by and we have a plate of hotwings.

We were talking about that time that we had been abducted by aliens and forced into weight loss programs. It was a week that some can only dream of. If we hadn’t been rescued by that guy with the blue skin I hesitate to think what might have happened. We stopped those aliens from dominating the Earth with an amazing display of old school rock n’ roll, comedy and beer consumption.

Another thing. I know this one is hard to believe, but after listening to Steven Wright do standup one day, I realized that I can make birds levitate. Sounds weird I know, but if I see a bird all I have to do is walk towards it and concentrate, and before you know it it will float into the air! You should try it, maybe you have secret powers too.
Anyways, if you doubt my truthfulness, there is a simple test to check my veracity. Go buy yourself a Blue Beaver Beer. After drinking it I guarantee you that you will agree, it is the best beer that money can buy. So remember, when you’re feeling blue, grab a Beaver!

December 17, 2007 | | Tags: , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Weight Loss Plans For Beer Drinkers

We all know it. Drinking beer gives you calories, and if you don’t burn them off you end up with bigger pants. This leaves us with a problem. What’s a Blue Beaver Beer lover (or a lover of any other beer) to do?
Ernie and I are willing to share our secrets with you as long as you promise not to use them for evil. Sense much fear in you do we.
The first and easiest calorie burning technique is the Arm Curl (I like to call them techniques because it sounds more expert-like). Firmly grasp your beer. Raise it to your mouth. Swallow. Lower your beer. Repeat.
The other techniques depend on which pub or establishment you frequent.  For instance, the Sports Freak Technique. If your team is on the screen, you can jump up and yell ” Yeah! Woohoo!”. this will burn off some energy. Just try to time these exercises with goals, touchdowns, knockouts, etc. The louder you scream, the more energy you use and the more annoyed others will be, so this is a win-win action. If you are winning, you can yell “Your team sucks!” to opposing fans, and get in their face for added calorie use.

Darts can also be a high energy sport. Play a game of darts and the sweat will be just dripping off of you. The same goes for pool, or billiards. To raise an extra bit of sweat, put a $1000 on every game. This really works if you are a crappy player.

Gerri has been planning a brawl at our establishment, and I am sure you could lose some weight, or blood, fighting it out in the dirt road out back. Just be careful, I heard she packs a rusty knife.

But the best exercise you can get would be dancing. It’s fun, all the ladies are doing it and you score extra points with them. And in some places you can do your arm curls while you dance!

December 2, 2007 | | Tags: , , , , | 19 Comments »